Did my grandfather write this script, by any chance? The puns scream yes. If someone pulls a Werther’s Original caramel candy out of their pocket, it’s official.
I can see glimmers of goodness in this beleaguered movie, believe it or not. Johnny Depp looks cool, even if he’s playing the same basic cartoon character he whips out for every 
movie he’s made this century. And the queens (Helena Bonham-Carter and Anne Hathaway) are resplendently rendered. Somebody spent a lot of money but didn’t care that the story was just too convoluted for its own good. What was this even about? It’s certainly not from any story book I remember. And if you a) hire Bort and b) put him in tights, I have to believe you never intended for me to take this seriously. Not for one minute.
I saw a play of the same name in Stratford (Ontario, known for its Shakespearean efforts but this one was “off-Shakespeare” if that makes sense) starring a young Sarah Polley. And maybe that’s part of my problem: Alice, to me, will always be a little girl. Mia Whatsername is a wonderful actress but not Alice.
I was wholly uninspired by the movie and to be honest, often confused. I did catch one interesting part, where Alice wakes up chained to a bed in an insane asylum. Now, to be 
sure, a grown woman claiming to know of an alternate universe behind a mirror where she talks to rabbits and time is enough to get her legitimately diagnosed. Her doctor, however, through out the popular female catch-all “hysteria” and it reminded me of a list I’d recently seen of actual reasons why women just like me and you were committed to asylums not so very long ago. Play along, will you, give yourself a point for every “offense” you’ve committed on this list, and leave your score in the comments (if you dare).
-business trouble
-kicked in the head by a horse
-ill treatment by husband
-imaginary “female trouble”
-immoral life
-jealousy & religion
-laziness
-marriage of son
-masturbation
-medicine to prevent conception
-mental excitement
-novel reading
-parents were cousins
-politics
-loss of lawsuit
-asthma
-bad company
-bad habits
-bad whiskey (!)
-egotism
-quackery
-fighting fire
-time of life
-venereal excesses
-superstition
-shooting of daughter
-hard study
-snuff eating for 2 years
-greediness
-grief
-seduction & disappointment
-exposure (to other crazy people? or to women?)
-indigestion
-loss of arm
-social disease
-remorse
-severe labour
-infidelity
-sunstroke
Not to alarm anyone, but I’m suffering from at least 7 of these “symptoms” right now. How about you?
ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES 
14 – OMG – (kidding)
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lol I’m a few of those at the moment. I wanted this to be better, because even though they weren’t great, I have a bit of a soft spot for these Alice movies. But this was too messy.
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I felt like I needed a follow along guide!
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Um 19, lol but I have lived long and prospered 😉
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You’re living well!
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Okay settled! I was on the fence about this one, Thanks for the heads up. G-uno
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Alice in a mental institution…
This sounds a lot like Return to Oz, doesn’t it?
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Fourteen (and not kidding)
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Having a Y-chromosome I’m exempt but the 18th century expression for erotica–“novels to be read with one hand”–can allow you to knock out two “offenses” at once.
And many critics believe the original Looking Glass was about Alice growing up, with the White Knight being Dodgson himself saying farewell to the little girl before she becomes Queen Alice, but even at the end of the book she’s still a little girl.
Alice the adult looking back on her adventures could have been interesting, but I guess Dreamchild already did that.
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I was wondering about this movie…and yes Johnny Depp though I love him needs to take on something new.
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Let’s share some hard candies. I have them in a bowl in my Sitting Room.
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Sounds sedate.
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I hold my head up high when I say…I got 20! I guess to the loony bin I go:) I have not heard much good things about this 2nd film. Poor Johnny Depp, he needs to take on another role like that nasty sob he played last year of which I can’t recall rigHt now so please remind me:)
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OH, do you mean the gangster in Black Mass?
I”d almost forgotten about that!
20 – that’s impressive! I feel like that means a life well lived. But I bet you can add a few more 😉
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I couldn’t follow the first one, so I wasn’t about to commit to seeing this one. And I admit, my eyes kind of glazed over at that list. I don’t want to figure it out.
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I’m pretty sure I “forgot” to see the first!
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Maybe five. Do I judge whether I have an immoral life by my own standards (no) or Victorian ones (yes)? Noah and I watched the first one but he was a HUGE fan of Alice in Wonderland when he was little he and liked the idea of a sequel of sorts. I’ve been wondering if he or his sister would enjoy this one. Jury’s still out.
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The story won’t satisfy purists but there are some great visuals and fantastical elements that are fun to watch…you just wish they were put together better.
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I’d be curious to know why they lump jealousy and religion together! Odd pairing! LOL 😀
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I think I had all of them except being kicked in the head by a horse!
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Fingers crossed that one stays off your list!
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It will. Barring trading in cars for buggies again. Horses make me sneeze like crazy and my eyeballs grow to the size of golf balls. 😀 Bunnies do that to me, too. Sucks.
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Ughh..why does this even exist? The first one was dreadful enough.
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I’m on 11, but I’m a man so I’m not sure if my score counts.
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Haha ha ha! 😀
Jay, we liked it! My grandson felt it was a gentler, nicer Alice movie. Maybe, he said because dark Tim Burton wasn’t part of it. I liked the emotional connection I made with this. Maybe I am Looney tunes myself?! 🙂
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I stopped counting at 12…….
🙂
I’d rather read your (always utterly hilarious) reviews than watch this film……ANY day.
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