A well-meaning church lady sends a card overseas to “the troops” – and “Sarge” is touched by its generic rah-rah words of encouragement when he receives it in “Afghanistan.” The church lady, who is blonde and pretty in a buttoned-up, conservative way, sends a sexy picture along with it. Okay, no, she sends a picture of the church (just what every soldier is hoping to get!) but it really gets him through a tough time, when his buddy gets blown to bits on a Red Cross mission (it sounds like someone didn’t really do their war research, but that’s the least of the troubles: the effects budget is so non-existent that you could get a better display out of the fireworks that are leftover in your local corner store on July 5th)(no need to fear anything graphic – by “blown to bits” I mean he received a fatal bloody lip).
Anyway, when Sarge goes back stateside to deliver dog tags and hugs to the grieving widow (who is not an actual widow), he can’t help but stop by this magical town with all the friendly, letter-writing people.
Meet cute: they both order a chicken salad sandwich on rye with extra crispy curly fries and hot chocolate with marshmallows. Dear baby Jesus. That’s not a meet-cute, that’s a meet-butt fugly.
Anyway: “good news” – everyone in town’s a church goer and he has no trouble getting escorted to the pictured church , has pew-mates lined up and everything. He’s welcomed by an old man played by Ed Asner, which, let’s face it, is the only reason I’m watching this thing. The old guy wastes no time (was it even 10 seconds?) before introducing his “somewhat attractive daughter, Faith” – who just happens to be the curly fry lady from the day before, who just happens to be the card-sender who inspired his trip in the first place!
Anyway, if you ever feel the need to combine a badly-acted, terribly-written cheeseball holiday movie with a flag-waving, hero-worshipping war and god movie that’s super light on war and pretty heavy-handed with god, well, I can’t imagine a more obnoxious combination than The Christmas Card.
ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES 
Yeah, this sounds pretty ho-ho-horrible.
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SO bad. But I was telling Sean I passed on 2 other Hallmark movies to even get to this one. There’s a lot of Christmas shit out there!
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Gag Tubularsock with a spoon! The three taboos ….. war, church, and flag ……….. sorry, Tubularsock just puked on your boots!
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Understandably.
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Ditto to the other commenters
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Reblogged this on RidicuRyder and commented:
Hallmark gone wild…bitches!
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Jay,
You totally gotta do E-Card / Hallmark mash-ups more. Ed Asner is awesome…I don’t understand his recent fix with Lifetime type stuff?
RR
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Some people are making second careers out of this trash!! I’ve only discovered it because of Youtube (I don’t have cable!).
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I’ve seen this one. It’s about my speed right now. These are great movies to knit to.
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Ho-Ho-NO!!
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OhMyGaud….😂😂😂😩 thanks I’ll pass
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So, given the competition, I reckon Pacific Rim is a safe front runner for my Christmas Eve flick.
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Pingback: An Even Grumpier Guide to Christmas Movies | ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas, Jay. :O)
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I personally don’t understand how you or your other people think you have the right to criticize this movie. If you have served in the military I think you should comment about the military. I served my country in the US Army and it wasn’t easy. It was a sacrifice that I proudly served. For you that don’t like the military unless you serve keep your comments to your self. I’m also Christian and the Christmas Card movie touched my heart. I’m so sorry that you don’t believe in Christ and in the military but that’s your problem not Hallmarks or any other.
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