A Nice Girl Like You

Lucy and her boyfriend Jeff are having some pretty lackluster sex when she accidentally shouts a grocery item (waffles, whole wheat I believe) instead of something racy. Seeing how she hasn’t even removed her flannel pajama top, Jeff surmises that Lucy (Lucy Hale) just isn’t that into sex. She tells him he’s wrong, he storms off to the garage to masturbate, she discovers that everything he’s been asking her to do comes from the copious porn he’s been watching in secret, and they break up.

At work the next morning, she confesses tearfully, and her friends judge her to be sexually unevolved, so Lucy does the only thing that makes sense – she writes the following Sex To Do List:

  1. watch 25 porns
  2. go to a sex store
  3. read (c)literature
  4. visit a strip club
  5. sex toy party
  6. take a sex seminar
  7. test vibrators
  8. stream some internet porn
  9. consult a sex expert
  10. visit a brothel
  11. meet a porn star
  12. use “hot throbbing cock” convincingly in a sentence

It’s a senseless list that promises way more than the film can deliver because despite the coming trips to brothels and furtive diddling, this R-rated comedy remains bland and banal. Sean likened it to a Hallmark movie, and he’s not wrong. It’s definitely more concerned with setting Lucy up with a more sex-positive relationship (enter Grant, ie, Leonidas Gulaptis) than with actually confronting what’s made her sex-negative in the first place, never mind ever titillating us with some of the juicier items on that list. Honestly, you won’t believe how unsexy porn stars and strip clubs can be.

The only thing interesting about this movie is that it manages to disappoint on so many levels (its only saving grace the fact that Mindy Cohn of the Facts of Life appears and works a dildo like there’s no tomorrow, but even that’s not NEARLY enough). Lucy’s love interest has the good grace to politely ask what a nice girl like her is doing in any number of the seedy establishments she frequents during the film; no one, however, has so far asked how a nice girl like me came to be watching a bad movie like this.

3 thoughts on “A Nice Girl Like You

  1. Robert Jantzen

    This country has such a disturbed relationship with sex. It is used to sell everything but it seems that there is always shame associated with actually doing it. European TV is a bit more natural about sex scenes. When it comes to free porn at least, checking out some of the “safe” sites (none are safe you need a good software protection to fight off all the crap these sites try to infect your device with) it is clear that typical porn is about as erotic as a boring exercise video. This backs up your remark: “Honestly, you won’t believe how unsexy porn stars and strip clubs can be.” On the other hand the most passionate steamy sex scenes I have ever seen are in Bridgerton, but as is often the case in romance, it is the anticipation of the union that is as important as its realization. It is worth slogging through all 8 episodes for the sweet rewards along the way. I will pass on this one.

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