Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special

Peak 1990s Michael Bolton was a cheesy, long haired dude who belonged in my mother’s cheesy CD collection, not mine. He was “adult contemporary” in the worst way imaginable. But then he cut off his mane and hooked up with Lonely Planet. The result?

 

Wait a minute: Michael Bolton has a sense of humour about himself? Indeed he does. And if you thought the above three minutes were worth a hoot, then you should definitely check out his Valentine’s special on Netflix because it’s a whole hour worth of laughs. If you’re anything like me and can’t handle sappy movies without copious eye rolls and squirms, and you think the softcore porn of Fifty Shades of Whatever is just plain undignified, finally we’ve got something you and your hunny can curl up to.  Laughter makes couples stronger – trust me, it’s science.

But you certainly don’t need to be a couple to enjoy this as its basic function is to poke fun michaelboltonsbigsexyvalentinesdayspecial_2at the whole romantic notion anyway. The premise, which is a generous way to describe it, is this: Santa needs an extra 75k babies to deliver presents to by next Christmas, so Michael Bolton agrees to host a sexy telethon to inspire love\baby making. Answering the phones of this telethon include seldom-thought of celebrities such as Brooke Shields, Sinbad, and Janeane Garofalo. But that’s hardly the limit as far as celebrity cameos go. Bolton is helped by the likes of Michael Sheen, Maya Rudolph, and very briefly, his best friend Adam Scott. Plus about 2 dozen more.

Bottom line, it’s stupid. It’s quite stupid. It was the kind of stupid I enjoyed because it’s skeweringly silly, raunchy, sparkling with tongue-in-cheek homages. It’s quite reminiscent of the Bill Murray Christmas special, A Very Murray Christmas. And the truth is, Michael Bolton still sounds good. So on the rare occasion when he actually does sing, it’s perfectly pleasing. But it’s never, ever with a straight face. And that’s what makes it stupidly glorious.

 

[It also begs the question: what’s next? Murray got Christmas, Bolton got Valentine’s…who would you like to see tackle a holiday?]

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28 thoughts on “Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special

    1. Jay Post author

      There’s a scene in the special where he tries to reach out to “punks” (Michael Sheen is especially helpful with this) – and he breaks out the rock n roll.

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    1. Jay Post author

      I could hardly believe it the first time I saw it. I like that he took a risk. And in the end, rather than alienate his fan base, who probably never saw it, he reached out to a new generation and now he’s got himself a Netflix special! Way to evolve, Michael Bolton!

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  1. Birgit

    Ok…hahahahaaaaaaa….that is funny! Michael Bolten still has a strong voice and knows how to make fun of himself. I’d love to see that special but it seems it’s on Netflix which I don’t get

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  2. ninvoid99

    Thank God I don’t have Netflix because I refuse to see this abomination. After all, Michael Bolton will always remain a no-talent ass-clown. Was it bad enough that I had to endure my teen years listening to his awful music on the radio because my parents liked it so much? Now he’s given a comeback because he’s cool w/ making fun of himself unaware that he really fucking sucks? I ain’t watching this bullshit. He is and always will be a no-talent ass-clown.

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  3. calensariel

    Imagine my surprise when I’m sitting here listening to this video and up comes Bran from the deep singing it at the top of his lungs. Scared the crap out of me! I had NO idea who this guy even was. LOL

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  4. J.

    I’m fairly tempted to watch this… more so now. I was actually reading elsewhere that he has a fairly dreadful new album out, too. Bolton making 2017 his year, perhaps.

    The burning question for me… Is this better than A Very Murray Christmas? I regretted wasting time watching that one. Handful of genius moments, but rather dull.

    How about a Mel Gibson Easter special?

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