I read the book and didn’t really like it, and in true adaptation fashion, the movie sucks the book’s balls.
What you need to know: Russia is selecting beautiful women and turning them into spies who fuck. Like, they literally get secrets by giving blow jobs. And there might be something to that. Jennifer Lawrence plays a ballerina who can’t dance anymore, so her uncle sells her into this program, and she becomes a Red Sparrow, the spy who shags everyone. In this particular case, she’s going to shag Joel Edgerton because he’s an American spy who’s hiding a Russian mole but maybe he’ll turn into a source himself or maybe he’ll turn her into a double agent, or better yet, a triple agent, or a quadruple agent, or just a woman who’s about to be assassinated by her own government, but not without blowing her way across the country first.
Does it sound sloppy? It is.
And the casting is confusing. I mean, first of all, Jennifer Lawrence couldn’t sell me a bottle of wine if I’d just found out Sean was my half-brother. Girl cannot carry a Russian accent. And in a movie where sex is everything, the sex was nothing. I mean, there was an abundance of sex scenes, and J-Law got straight down to bare hooch, but she and Joel have about as much chemistry as a couple of bologna sandwiches about to get in my grandpa’s belly. And then: the Russian characters are played by American, British, Belgian, Dutch, German, Ukrainian and Polish actors. The American guy is played by an Australian. This flaccid casting doesn’t exactly prop up a convoluted plot.
Like any good spy movie, the end is supposed to come as a surprise, but with such weak characterization, it’s hard to invest, and Red Sparrow attempts to write cheques it can’t cash. But for me the worst crime, you know, aside from the treason and murder and such, is the fake female empowerment. Just because she’s not getting paid doesn’t mean she’s not a prostitute.
Hahaha. I guess the only merit that comes from this movie is the review
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Whoa this was a brutal review. Thanks for saving me the time.
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She doesn’t always make the best choice of movies. Anyway off to google ‘bologna sandwich’, sounds different.
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OK I did that. Nope, nope and thrice nope!
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Can always rely on you for brutal honesty and saving me from bad movies.
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👏👏👏👏 love this review. thanks for saving my time. 😆
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Even the trailer put me off…
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Studio executive: Now, in this script, should we have a scene where at least one of the professional male spies asks himself why he’s getting all these blow jobs?
[Twenty minutes of uninterrupted laughter.]
Studio executive: Just making sure everyone’s paying attention.
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Book was a bit better than the film in my opinion. Also my opinion…the book was lousy. “Nuff said. However, I thought the trailer was well done.
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I really like Joel Edgerton and Jennifer Lawrence, but yeah, I think I’ll give this one a pass.
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I don’t think I’ve read one positive review of this film. I knew Lawrence was the lead, and I heard her acting wasn’t good in this film, but I had no idea until your review that there wasn’t one Russian actor in a film that should have been populated by them, at least the secondary characters, if no one else.
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Nailed it! And on top of that it felt like the movie would never bloody end. It was forty minutes to long easily. I have to admit though I’ve heard such bad things about the book it almost makes me want to read it 🙂
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Oh yes, it was looooooooong!
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Thanks for this. I saw the title somewhere, but nowhere did I see what this thing was about. It doesn’t sound very interesting. Sorry you got stuck sitting through it.
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Did you mean that the movie was sloppy, or the blow jobs were sloppy, or was it a toss up?
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I’m sure the bjs at least were given with a Russian proficiency.
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🤣
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😂
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Oh dear. I can’t say I’m surprised by this review; I thought this looked awful. A jolly entertaining review, though… so at least it’s given us that!
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Great review – it’s one of my least favourite films of the year so far!
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She has k o o out a few stinkers lately, she best get back to the X Men
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Knocked out a few stinkers I mean haha
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Oh Jennifer, please, please stop doing this to yourself!
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Shame this had such weak characterisation!
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This movie was soooooo boring. Good premise and good cast, but it lacked characterization and just simply not enough “oomph” to the story.
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I agree. I actually referenced this piece of dreck in my post about 50 Shades of Eww. Imagine how I felt, watching it with my teenaged son and his girlfirend. Definitely cringe-y!
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Well, I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t like it. By the end, I was pretty much indifferent to what I had just watched.
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I watched about an hour of this movie before completely giving up. Maybe not even that much. What a waste of everyone’s time.
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GREAT POST! 👌
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I read the book, and I think Joel Edgerton is too old and bored looking to be Nate Nash. Also, I concur with J-Law fake Russian accent. It was like she’s in an SNL gag.
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Yeah, it was weird casting all around. It’s like they didn’t really want to make a good movie, which is a weird way to make a movie.
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