Trauma Center

Madison Taylor (Nicky Whelan) is having a heck of a day. First she has the misfortune of walking in on a murder in progress, and then she takes a bullet to the leg in the crossfire. She wakes up in the hospital with dependable Lt. Steve Wakes (Bruce Willis) assigned to her protection; she is a key witness to the crime. But Wakes leaves almost immediately, and sure he’s doing his job “solving the murder” but he’s kind of “a really shitty protector” since he LEAVES HER ALL ALONE. So of course the murderers seize their opportunity, and now poor Madison is limping away through the halls of a locked down hospital, desperately trying to evade some very bad guys who, ironically, would very much like to shoot her dead. I’m calling it ironic because the reason they want her dead is because the bullet in her leg is evidence of their crime, so they want to plug her with a few new ones, but scoop that first bad boy out, because some dirty cop went and pulled his service revolver during a crime and that shit is traceable.

Three things to know:

He doesn’t look half as baffled as I feel. Believe me.
  1. The hospital is on “lockdown” which basically just means that the exits have been sealed off. It is still a functioning hospital, at least upstairs, where Madison’s little sister is a patient (panic attack? asthma attack? something like that). Madison and her stalkers are mostly in the basement, which has an abandoned, horror movie feel.
  2. Lt. Steve Wakes has abandoned his post, and the basement obviously gets very poor cell service. But can he even be trusted? The criminals are cops and trusting one of them, especially a flake, is a lot to ask of a woman who’s got police force ammunition buried in her flesh.
  3. Steve Guttenberg plays a doctor. That’s actually not at all important, it’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it part. You’d call it a cameo if he was at all famous anymore, but in his case it’s probably better called a “bit part.” But still: Steve Guttenberg! If you’re at all prone to pity spirals or second hand shame, do NOT read his IMDB page.

Anyway, the killer cops just basically hunt her in some creepy medical settings, unsuccessfully enough to really stretch the bounds of credibility, while Whelan does her best to look sexy in a hospital gown.

Bruce Willis is…not good. His character is MIA for a good chunk of the movie and he’s still remarkably bad. I blame Die Hard, really. It convinced Sean to always bet on Bruce, and he always does, and somehow I’m the one who always loses. Does anyone even remember the last time he was good? Please get back to me ASAP – my Netflix queue depends on it.

14 thoughts on “Trauma Center

  1. The Inner Circle

    Spot on review……I did enjoy the cat and mouse action a little more then you,Nicky,Texas Battle and Tito Ortiz did all the heavy lifting and the middle part of the film was pretty nifty.

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  2. Invisibly Me

    When I see Bruce in this sort of role I don’t expect anything good, sadly. But Steve Guttenberg! Why didn’t they give him a bigger role? I’ll always see him and think of Three Men and a Baby, or Police Academy. It’s good to know he’s still around. Miss that guy.

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  3. Tom

    I was about to say he was good in Glass, but then he was actually one of my weak links in that movie. I loved Glass, but more for the other characters. So really, it’s been since that cameo at the end of freakin Split (2017)

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  4. Willow Croft

    I did like him in ..oh no, I just forgot the name of one of MY FAVOURITE MOVIES OF ALL TIMES…man, getting old really sucks! Oh *snaps fingers* I got it!!!! The Fifth Element!!!! ahahhahaha (hard to believe I forgot the name of it, eh?)

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    1. Jay Post author

      Oh you are too precious!
      Weirdly…and now I can’t remember which movie I’m talking about, but some other movie had a trailer where a woman was described as “the fifth element” and I said: “Just like The Fifth Element!” (duh – not exactly worth saying).

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      1. Willow Croft

        Aw, thanks LOL Maybe by the time I get back on, you’ll remember the movie (by Monday). I’m trying to relocate in the middle of a pandemic…so maybe I can use that as an excuse for being scattered! 🙂

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