Los Angeles, I’m Yours

Today we’re exploring the big beautiful city of Los Angeles, and to prepare I’ve cycled through several films that have given me invaluable insight on what we might encounter:

boyzBoyz N The Hood: Luckily our hotel is on Hollywood & Vine rather than in the ghetto. Ice Cube and Cuba Gooding Jr play boyhood friends who are just barely surviving the gunfire in their neighbourhood. Bullets and helicopters are the film’s soundtrack. John Singleton paints a pretty bleak outlook for these kids without the benefit of options, futures, or even fathers. Lessons learned: watch out for rival gangs and street racing, and eat  your french fries indoors.

Fletch: Chevy Chase plays an investigative journalist a little too comfortable going undercover as a bum\new age guru. Fletch is looking into the booming drug trade on the beach when fletchapproached one day by a wealthy man who asks him to be the homeless man who shoots him dead, bypassing cancer and netting his wife the insurance. But Fletch isn’t really a bum and the guy isn’t really dying of cancer. Lessons learned: watch out for rollerskaters on the boardwalk, bums and new age gurus are practically indistinguishable, the people are rude to waiters, LAPD is useless.

LA_Story_5594L.A. Story: Steve Martin is a weather guy in sunny and 72-degrees Los Angeles. He resorts to hijinks just to make his broadcasts interesting. Then he meets a girl, and that’s when this satirization of the big city really starts to zing. A freeway signpost starts to talk to him, and he begins to listen. Lots of celebrity cameos ensue. Lessons learned: the traffic is so bad you may as well take love advice from it

Less Than Zero: Andrew McCarthy is back from college for the holidays and Less_than_zero_1987_posterfinds his girlfriend hooking up with his best friend, the drug addict (Robert Downey Jr – kinda tough to watch him like this all things considered). It’s a real testament to crazy L.A. decadence. Then James Spader makes RDJ become a whore, and things really get interesting. Lessons learned: the girls are loose and the drugs are abundant – just my kind of town!

Collateral: Jamie Foxx has cabbie good luck (hot lady fare, Jada Pinkett Smcollateralith, gives him respect AND her number) and cabbie bad luck (hit man, Tom Cruise, takes him hostage); just a typical day driving around L.A. I guess! He’s forced to drive around while Cruise assassinates various names on a list of witnesses – the last of which of course turns out to be previously mentioned hot lady. Lessons learned: watch your bags at the airport, doormen are for shit, maybe take the bus? Although Lesson learned in Speed: DO NOT take the bus!

If you’d like to find out whether we’ve taken the bus or a taxi, follow us @assholemovies – we’re updating our California adventure daily!

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16 thoughts on “Los Angeles, I’m Yours

  1. Carrie Rubin

    I’m pretty sure I’ve seen most of these movies, yet I don’t really remember them. Glad you’re having such a great time. It’s fun to see the places you’ve been in your tweets.

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  2. Billy

    Some of them need rewatching, but LA story stayed with me for years and years as a wonderful and romantic image… and yet I’d completely forgotten about the celebrities, it was the motorway sign that I adored. Ahhh have fun!!

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  3. kmSalvatore

    Sounds like your having a great time Jay. One of my all time favorite movies is less than Zero. It’s old but it’s amazing how many people have never heard of it, lotta fine actors in that one!!!

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      1. kmSalvatore

        Yep, I can understand that….lol, it amazes me at how many people we know , who have never seen it, and we’ve turned them on to this fantastic movie!

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  4. Christopher

    I’m surprised one of the lessons from L.A. Story wasn’t “Carry a loaded gun when driving on the freeway”. It also has kind of a weird crossover with Fletch: watch out for rollerskaters in museums.

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  5. ruth

    What an awesome idea for a post, enjoy your time in L.A.! I LOVE Collateral, it’s such a cool movie and Michael Mann’s way of filming the city is fantastic.

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  6. mattasshole

    I wound up taking neither bus nor taxi in LA. The movies have taught me well. My brother did ridicule me though for even considering taking a cab from Hollywood to the airport.

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