Over the Top

Strange things are happening lately.  Sylvester Stallone won a Golden Globe and is nominated for an Oscar.  I’ve made Jay return to George Lucas’ glory days and watch the original Star Wars trilogy for the first time, which is something she swore would never happen.  And since these sorts of things come in threes, I like my chances of convincing Jay to watch Over the Top, whiover the topch I just found out is on Netflix.  Especially because Jay is still on oxycontin recovering from her back surgery.

Over the Top is a hidden gem in the same way as a lump of coal.  It was a very 80s attempt to reboot Rocky: take Stallone, put him in another salt-of-the-earth role where his muscles do the talking, give him a wholesome never-quit attitude, and add in Robert Loggia as the villain for good measure.  The ingredients are all here but this movie is absolutely awful.  So awful I can’t help but love it.

First, Robert Loggia.  This is exactly how I feel when I see him in anything.

He was the best (RIP, Mr. Loggia) and he really chews the scenery here.  Which is fortunate because in Over the Top, Stallone shows absolutely no charisma, the arm-wrestling bad guy is the most boring villain you could think of, and the kid Stallone is fighting for is so annoying, spoiled and entitled that you think all the way through that Stallone would gladly take $500,000 to never have to see him again.

over-the-top-poster

Second, trying to get us to cheer for Stallone’s down-on-his-luck arm wrestler is so misguided it hurts.  Is there even such a thing as an up-on-his-luck arm wrestler?  Are any of these guys in good financial standing?  I don’t know how legitimate the World Armwrestling League is, but the champion only gets $20,000.  So that was probably like $10,000 in 1987 dollars.  If you’re driving a semi across the country like Stallone does in Over the Top, I guess you can save money by sleeping in the cab, but how much are you left with at the end of the day even if you are good/lucky enough to win?  Just one more reason you wonder why Stallone wouldn’t take the $500,000 [SPOILER ALERT] rather than selling his truck (HIS ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME) so he can pull a Pete Rose and bet on himself to win the contest [END SPOILERS].  See how much you are going to love this movie?

Third, the music is the worst thing imaginable.  Any song that was cheesy to make the cut for Rocky IV can probably be found on Over the Top’s soundtrack.  No Easy Way Out is literally too good a song to be in this movie.  I didn’t think that was even possible but it’s true.  The featured ballad is a Kenny Loggins wuss rock gem, and the soundtrack also features songs from Sammy Hagar, Eddie Money and Asia.  It is probably the perfect music to arm wrestle to, if you have the urge.  And after watching Stallone [SPOILER ALERT] rock his way to victory [END SPOILERS], I predict that you are going to have that urge.

I give Over the Top a score of one man against the world out of the world.  But since the one man is 2016 Golden Globe winner and 2016 Academy Award nominee Sylvester Stallone, that’s actually a very good score.

 

 

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21 thoughts on “Over the Top

  1. mikeladano

    SAMMY HAGAR! Yes, this movie NEEDED a Sammy Hagar song!

    I remember the Over the Top action figures. No surprise they were what you call “shelf warmers” in the store.

    Great post! Is this on Canadian Netflix?

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  2. Sean Post author

    I did not remember there were action figures! Though I should have guessed. Hopefully they had some sort of spring loaded arm wrestling feature. And upon further review, this seems only to be on US Netflix and not Canadian Netflix. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

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  3. John Charet

    This is a very fun film to watch 🙂 Speaking of underrated Stallone films, another great one is Bullet to the Head and it is from one of my favorite action directors which is Walter Hill. I am not afraid to admit that Bullet to the Head was an overlooked masterpiece of 2013. In fact, a majority of commercial genre films seem to have more to say about people than a majority of the usual Oscar-bait message movies that come out at the end of the year. Anyway, keep up the great work as always 🙂

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  4. ninvoid99

    Terrible fucking movie but it’s so fun to watch over how bad it its. Let’s not forget that the film stars the motherfucking hardcore wrestling legend Terry Funk as one of Robert Loggia’s bodyguards. Motherfuckin’ Terry Funk aka Chainsaw Charlie. Don’t fuck that guy. He will never die. He will live…. FOREVER! FOREVER!! FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!!! FOREVER!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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      1. ninvoid99

        FOREVER! FOREVER!! FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!!! FOREVER!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. Billy

    hahha awesome writing and blast you, I must now go see watch this movie in all its .. erm, whatever. Please pass my best wishes on to Jay, may she get better soon, back surgery sounds very painful!xxx

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  6. Jay

    Oh dear.
    I can’t believe I’ve been passing on this movie for several decades.
    Actually, I can’t believe arm-wrestling can support a whole movie’s worth of plot!

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  7. ridicuryder

    Sean,

    Your Assholiness seems to revel in crappy movies…which sorta means you’re an anti critic movie critic…which I think is a cool move at times.

    It would be really great if Stallone gets the Oscar…it would nicely underscore the buffoonery that the Oscars have become in so many ways and would probably make you deliciously happy.

    RR

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  8. kmSalvatore

    Ohh yeah I’m with Fraggy all the way… Stallone has never been in my wheel house any way… So I’m glad to read this and tell you I chuckled all the through this read;)))!

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  9. Pingback: Over the Top | joaomarques67

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