A Million Ways to Die in the West

So my mother gave me a film recommendation last weekend. She couldn’t remember the title, naturally, but she said it was an 1800’s western where they “say modern jokes.” Had my brother-in-law not come to the rescue I may never have guessed Seth McFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the West. A critical and commercial flop, I would never thought that its only thought was my mother of all people: the woman who taught us that “shut up” and “vagina” were bad words, and who to this day can barely utter “Frig” when the absolute worst has happened.

a-million-ways-to-die-in-the-westYet just ten seconds in, someone’s shouting “Pussy!” – a term I’m sure was used very sparingly in the western novels by Louis L’amour her father always read. Then there’s the death by flatulence, and Oscar winner Charlize Theron’s fat ass, and Sarah Silverman’s sore asshole. And MY MOTHER WATCHED THIS.

The premise of the movie is “the west fucking sucks and I bet I can get a lot of mileage out of that.” In truth, you can get a little mileage out of it.  Seth McFarlane, managing to only half sound like Peter Griffin, somehow attracts not just Theron but Amanda Seyfried as well, even though he’s a terrible sheep herder and looks stupid in a bolo tie. There are a few laughs along the way but the plot is useless-to-nonexistent, yet it still takes entirely too long for nothing to ever happen.

So, Mom, what was your favourite part? The daisy up the butt? The 15 year old spinsters?maxresdefault The sheep penis? No, wait. It was the pooping in hats, wasn’t it? I bet it was the diarrhea-filled cowboy hats that really got you giggling. A Million Ways to Die in the West will cost you 116 minutes of your life, but finding out your mother has a dirty, disgusting sense of humour? That’s priceless.

 

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22 thoughts on “A Million Ways to Die in the West

  1. J.

    Nearly two hours! Oooft. I thought this looked dreadful when I thought it was one of those 80 to 90 minute flicks. That extra 30 minutes would be unbearable.

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    1. Jay Post author

      I think Matt would also bursting into the song. Those kind really get stuck in his head!
      I, however, am still not over Amanda Seyfried SUCKING ON NPH’s mustache!!!! Shudder.

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    1. Jay Post author

      I didn’t watch it WITH her but I was still blushing and thinking “Gawd, Mom” – really brought back memories of watching Waiting to Exhale with her – LOTS of sex in the movie, not enough drinks in us.

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    1. Jay Post author

      I know! She’s never given a movie recommendation IN HER LIFE. Netflix has made her a new person, and I don’t recognize her!
      I definitely cringed extra hard at all the weird\sexual stuff, with her in mind.

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  2. Birgit

    Your mom sounds like my mom who would say “darn” and thought Platoon was horrible because “no soldier ever swore.” Yeah…I have no words either since she lived through the war and was married to a lumberman. Now…I have to admit something….I laughed at this movie despite the cringes and all jokes dealing with anything anal. It’s stupid, i don’t remember the plot but I found I laughed. What can I say except that i like the 3 Stooges also.

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    1. Jay Post author

      Yeah, I laughed too. Sean was trying to count my laughs, actually.
      It’s stupid.
      I’m not the biggest fan of Seth McFarlane – I think Family Guy is occasionally funny but I definitely cringe when they take things too far!

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