Colonia

A young couple, Lena (Emma Watson) and Daniel (Daniel Bruhl), are enjoying each other’s company in Chile when shit hits the fan. She’s just a flight attendant but he’s a journalist who’s become politically involved, so when the country undergoes a military coup in 1973, he’s fingered in a lineup and disappeared by Pinochet’s secret police.

He winds up at Colonia Dignidad, on the face just another weird cult run by a crazy preacher named Paul Schäfer but, in fact, it also doubles as a torture prison. Lena decides joining the cult is her best bet to save Daniel, so in she 145384413856a7e6aa400begoes, putting herself at the mercy of a nutbar pedophile cult leader and his woman-beating cronies. This is the kind of movie into which you can never lose yourself entirely because you keep pulling yourself out of it to yell at the protagonists. You know in a horror movie the whole theatre is practically yelling “Don’t go in there” but of course she goes in there, even though we all knew better? And she gets diced into a million bite-sized pieces? Well this is one of those movies, except it isn’t a horror, and there’s no excuse for doing what it does. Bad writing, I suspect, and a movie that doesn’t really know what it wants to be when it grows up. With two idiot protagonists who keep making the dumbest decisions ever, you won’t care whether they live or die. And for a film that’s trying to shed some light on a pretty gruesome chapter in Chilean history, it’s also succumbing to the misplaced love story temptation. Because nothing overcomes a cruel dictator like True Love between nitwits.

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26 thoughts on “Colonia

  1. Hira

    “With two idiot protagonists who keep making the dumbest decisions ever, you won’t care whether they live or die” Lol! I really do that with some films – let them die , they wasted my time and energy!

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  2. Brittani

    The sad thing is this was based on a true story lol. I liked this though, despite Emma Watson being the wooden actress that she was. Bruhl was good, at least.

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    1. Jay Post author

      20 minutes in, Sean said “That guy was a real dick in to someone in something.”
      I shamefully had to tell him he was thinking of Captain America.

      I think it was more interesting to just read about Colonia Dignidad than to watch this movie.

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  3. Sukanya

    Even I saw this a couple of weeks back. I had read about Colonia Dignidad so the premise of the movie was really interesting buy they ruined it. And I don’t think Emma Watson can act, she has one expression on her face through like Kirsten Stewart.

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  4. Liz A.

    Deep sigh. I hate it when the characters are just stupid for plot reasons. Usually I watch these sorts of things and think of ways that it would all make more sense. Which leads to story ideas. So, I like these kinds of movies when I’m looking for a novel idea (which I’m not at the moment).

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  5. Widdershins

    I think Emma has some good acting chops in her, she’s not making the best choices yet though … It took Kristen Stweart a while to grow into her talent. I hope the same goes for Emma.

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