My Christmas Love

Cynthia goes home for Christmas, her first one since her mother’s death, and soon to be her sister Janet’s wedding. A hopeless romantic but newly single once again, Cynthia elects to bring her best guy friend slash coworker along with her, as her plus one and human shield. Of course, Cynthia’s hometown is peppered with ex-boyfriends, so that gets uncomfortable rather fast.

MV5BNjkyYTJhMjUtNWQ3OS00YmE0LWFhZjItOWQ0NmFiMGE0Y2VhL2ltYWdlL2ltYWdlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyODM4MjYxMA@@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,630,1000_AL_Also uncomfortable: a singing telegram lady in a bonnet shows up daily to her door, singing the appropriate verse of The 12 Days of Christmas, and leaving behind the corresponding gift: two turtle doves, a partridge, a pear tree, etc etc. The problem is, the gifts are anonymous. It’s a mystery. A Christery, if you will. A Christmas mystery. And some pretty lame gifts that come with unwanted responsibilities. But Cynthia thinks it’s romantic, because she’s an idiot in a holiday movie and I guess she has to go along with it. I mean, do you realize how bird-heavy that song is? I did the math: it’s 22 birds by the end of the 12 days. That’s a lot of bird poop, and up to a 20 year commitment! Hope she likes omelettes, because birds are truly a gift that keeps on giving.

Anyway, it’s hard to properly invest in the love life of a moron. Does she even deserve happiness, let alone true love? Not from where I’m sitting. And yes, I’m sitting on the Judgy McBench. So what.

The only earthly to watch this movie is for the love interest. There are many love interests, of course, but only one worth my time. I would have much rathered a silver fox special where we just watch him Bob Ross it up, and cut out all those lords a leaping.
My Christmas Love is forgettable. Know how I know. Because I just watched this movie, and wrote the review, and published it, and only after all that do I see I’ve already reviewed it. And according to that review, I watched it 2 years ago, at work, on Christmas day. And though my rage forks into different directions, their tone is much the same. It hasn’t improved with age.

1 thought on “My Christmas Love

  1. orcaflotta

    “I watched it 2 years ago”
    You’re doing this unsanitary Hallmark marathon, like, each and every year??? On your own free will? (Please wink 3 times if you need police involvement)

    Fukn alien kidnappers, we demand our Joy back!



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