Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging

I suppose it’s inevitable that I’ve failed to relate to this coming of age comedy about a young girl in high school who’s utterly obsessed with snogging. More alienating than the age difference is my absolute distaste for the word snogging, which is repeated so often in the film that my stomach acid has stripped away the mucus lining of my throat after throwing up in my mouth so frequently.

In fact, I do not care at all for kissing in films because I really cannot abide the sound effects attributed to it. You can hear the spit. It’s all spit. It’s slurpy and damp and you can just hear the strings of saliva between open, bacteria-ridden mouths. It grosses me the fuck out. Which is weird because I don’t really mind it in person. But as in many things, real-life kissing is almost nothing like movie kissing, and if done reasonably well, and MV5BMTM0MDQ2MDgyMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzc2NDkxMw@@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1503,1000_AL_with the avoidance of too much tooth contact, it’s never nearly as noisy. So I already know that I hate kissing scenes in movies. And poor Georgia wants nothing more than kissing all the time. Scratch that. She wants snogging, because she’s British and therefore had to comeย  up with a gross word for it that ruins it for the rest of us. I mean, first of all, snogging has always sounded to me like rather more than just kissing. In fact, it pretty much sounds like the whole enchilada. The whole kit and caboodle. But no, snogging is what twerpy little teenage girls do to the backs of their hands at sleepovers and such. Georgia is sadly snog-free at this stage in her life, but she’s devoted herself (at the expense of school, friends, and family, naturally) to correcting this void. And wouldn’t you know it: the eminently dreamy Robbie moves to town, and is the perfect target for all her lusty fantasies (which mostly involve running uphill???).

Angus is just about the only thing that I don’t despise in the film. Angus is Georgia’s long-suffering cat. Normally I don’t go in for cats, but Angus tolerates dog-levels of indignity – tea parties, costumes, even getting pretend-lost so that Georgia and cat-loving Robbie can share a moment or two searching for him.

The other thing that director Gurinder Chadha gets right is casting a very young, very floppy-haired Aaron Taylor-Johnson (who of course isn’t going by that yet) as dreamboat Robbie. It is quite arresting to see him so young and smooth-faced in this film after so recently having seen him waggle his penis about in A Million Little Pieces, and bare the madness of his soul in Outlaw King. I know I complained about all the brutal horse murder in the latter, but it turns out that the slaughter of innocent animals is easier for me to cope with than the sound of perfect snogging.

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12 thoughts on “Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging

  1. tubularsock

    Jay, your description was so vivid and so, well ……… sickening that Tubularsock who was not going to see this film anyway is not going to see it.

    However, Tubularsock did go after this review and snogged the mirror. And the lesson here is NEVER snog with a protruding tongue on a mirror!

    Now Tubularsock has to clean the damn mirror! Thanks to you, Jay!

    Liked by 3 people

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  2. cheekymonkeyswriting

    After reading the review, I thought ” She would be a great character in the movie!”

    Have you ever watched “Curb your enthusiasm”? You could play a Larry David type of character in this movie and show utter disappointment for humanity and disgust every time the term “snogging” is mentioned. It would take this movie to the next level.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. orcaflotta

      Snogging sounds cute I guess. O course you gotta hear it in this particular British upper class accent, else it’ll be gross. You know they don’t really swallow the g but add it to the word … like an afterthought. It’s how it sounds to me German ears. I just hope they get it right throughout the flick.
      And Gurinder Chadha, isn’t that the “Bend it Like Beckham” director? Now alll makes perfect sense.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Widdershins

    Pass. ๐Ÿ˜€ … the further away I am in age to the tweeny-boppers who are the target audience for these kinds of movies, the less I want to even know about them. but I suppose they do serve a purpose. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  4. Rose Dymock

    I love Gurinder Chadha and I loved these books growing up, and this film is a serious disappointment because it misses so much of the madness of the books but oh well.

    (ps. no one says snogging any more in Britain, which is probably for the best)

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