Remember in the 90s when they tried to make Adam Sandler and Damon Wayans the next big thing in buddy cop movies? No, you don’t. Nobody does, except little Jay, who had this forgotten artifact on her garage DVD shelf because she harboured a bonafide 90s crush on Adam Sandler from about 1993-2003, roughly. But they weren’t no Gibson & Glover, or Tucker & Chan, or Smith & Lawrence, or Tom Hanks & a series of dogs in the role of Hooch, namely a Dogue de Bordeaux named Beasley and his stunt double, Igor.

It was Sandler’s idea; Wayans hosted SNL in 1994 and Adam got it into his head that the two should do an action movie together. He soon sent him this script.

Keats (Wayans) and Moses (Sandler) are best friends and criminals, in that order. Until a deal goes wrong and Moses finds himself on the wrong end of an arresting officer – Keats, an undercover cop, insists on bringing his buddy in himself, safely, but things go even wronger and before you know it, Keats has a bullet in his head and Moses is on the lam.

Cut to: a year and a lot of rehab later, Keats is tasked with bringing Moses in yet again. This time he’s an important witness, turning state’s evidence against drug kingpin Colton (James Caan) who doesn’t take too kindly to betrayal. Cue a crazy roadtrip that goes wildly off the rails. Think exploding planes and flying bullets and a lot of dead agents and double crosses. Only it’s an Adam Sandler film (sorta – these were the days before his Happy Madison production company, so it’s not written and directed by his cronies), so also be thinking along the lines of toilet humour and crass sex jokes.

Is this a good movie? Of course not. You’d have to be Adam’s mom, or his secret tween girlfriend, to love it. And I bet his mom hasn’t even seen it. I heard an interview once where he said that when his new comedy album came out (yes I owned them all), he took his dad out to his car to listen to it. So his mom wouldn’t overhear. He protected her from his own vulgarity. His father is gone now, but if you’ve seen any of his Happy Madison films, you’ve seen and heard Mr. Sandler – he’s their logo. If you’ve seen any of Adam’s movies, you’ve likely recognized some faces; he’s extremely loyal. I could say his family is no exception, and that’s clearly true, but I believe his family is where his attitude originates.

As for the awkward homophobic bent of the film? I mean, no, it has no business being there. But it’s broad comedy, meant to elicit a tone-deaf guffaw from young men circa mid-90s. If Keats and Moses have to share a hotel room, why not insert gay joke? Don’t worry – we, the audience, paid for this directly when Adam released Chuck & Larry several years later. It placed him firmly in the “gay is okay” camp while decidedly not absolving him from the “makes shitty movies” camp down the street.

Anyway. You don’t need to be convinced not to watch this movie. You already didn’t watch it. Good for you. Continue exercising your good judgement. That is all.