Beverly Hills Christmas

Oh dear. It seems they’ve taken the title of this movie a little too seriously. Most of the characters in the film are silicone-injected, filler-enhanced, bee-stung, liposucked to hell and back. It’s so bad that it feels like a parody. It is not.

Angelina gets into a car accident, and the angel Gabriel (Dean Cain) tells her that she can’t get into heaven until she fixes something she broke.ย  The broken object is her daughter Ravin, a spoiled, materialistic rich kid who may be broken beyond repair. It doesn’t help that Angelina can’t be seen by her daughter, nor can she touch her. She can, however, speak to her, in the form of an inner voice, like a conscience, although that concept is rather spottily treated throughout the movie.

But wait: what is Dean Cain doing in this monstrosity? I mean, 90s television Superman is not exactly a great height from which to fall, but still. And then I knew. Compared to everyone else in the film, Dean Cain looks like an acting god. And while I’m not trying to knock the Cainer, I am definitely, most 100% assuredly knocking damn hard, walloping with all my might, thudding with Thor’s unpronounceable hammer the others in the cast. They’re not acting school rejects, they’re tremendously bad acting hall of famers.

Anyway, Angelina has until Christmas Eve to turn her bratty daughter into a decent human being. Meanwhile, Angelina’s friend and Ravin’s new mommy, Carol, has similar intentions, but thinks shipping her off to boarding school may be the best answer. But for the holidays anyway, it’s the soup kitchen for Ravin, who cannot roll her eyes and say “Ew” enough. But would you believe that a fellow soup kitchen volunteer is young, handsome, and has a congenitally bad heart? Perhaps what Ravin needs is to fall in love, and then have another person drop dead in front of her. It’s a weird turn to take.

Anyway, what can I say beyond: it’s bad. I don’t even know which is worse, the acting or the effects. Well okay, it’s definitely the acting. But truly there are no redeeming qualities to this film. It’s just puckered and pickled from one end to the other, and I know with a literal plethora of holiday films out there, you can’t do worse, and you might do better, so by no means debase yourself with this.

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8 thoughts on “Beverly Hills Christmas

  1. J.

    Hohoho! This sounds like one for the bin. Related – the last movie I saw Dean Cain in was some army / zombie thing… so this might not be the worst thing heโ€™s done by a longshot.

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