Christmas Land

Jules’s grandmother loved Christmas; her Christmas tree farm was set up to spread maximum holiday joy to one and all, but especially to her darling granddaughter. Years later, when Jules is all grown up and a successful PR woman, she inherits the farm, called Christmas Land.

When she goes to take a look at the land, the estate’s attorney is a bit of a surprise – he “doesn’t look like a lawyer” and Jules should know; her boyfriend is one. This lawyer, Tucker, is handsome and laid-back, and he voices the townspeople’s hope that Jules had returned to reopen the place and run Christmas Land like her grandma -Christmas-Land-Hallmark-Channel-luke-macfarlane-39202808-600-800did. Jules will do no such thing, of course. She’s a New York City girl with a new promotion, and that boyfriend who practices law in the fast lane. But it’s too late: all the townspeople have gotten their hopes up, and they’re downright rude to her when they find out she’s selling. Imagine the pluck, the gall, thinking you could sell property you own! No wonder they hate her. I’m positive every single one of them has would never dream of cashing out if they had the opportunity. No, they’d all pick up, move away, start their lives over running someone else’s downtrodden, seasonal business just so a bunch of rude strangers wouldn’t be put out.

You know what’s weird about this particular brand of romantic Hallmark Christmas movie? Though they’re often written by women, they’re always directed by men. What the what? That’s a big steaming pile of reindeer poop, Hallmark. And that’s almost piddly compared to the fact that their movies are overwhelmingly white and almost uniformly straight. I recently watched a very bad one in which 1 of 6 couples was gay, probably only because they legit ran out of straight white people problems, and that may be the only same-sex Christmas story I’ve ever seen, which is absurd.

Anyway, Christmas Land is another white people problems ┬áholiday movie – putting a different spin on a “white Christmas” since 2015. Jules (Nikki Deloach) can afford to walk away from her job for days or weeks on a whim, and Tucker (Luke Macfarland) is the kind of lawyer who spends 0 time in his office, and loads of time stalking a Christmas tree farm in his plaid flannel shirt and a pair of work boots. It’s very convenient for falling in love in 3 days or less, but not very practical. Of course there’s always the awkward disposal of the current boyfriend – he’s got to show up and make an ass out of himself to prove it’s not heartless if she dumps his ass for someone else. An inability change out of stuffy button-down shirts is usually judged sufficient.

Anyway, this movie takes a TURN. Hallmark holiday movies are a comfort to lots of people because you know what you’re getting – a small conflict, a cheesy romance, a cookie baking montage, and poof: Christmas magic. But this movie is not only the typical Christmas movie’s evil twin, it also manages to denigrate women at the same time. Spoiler alert: Jules, supposedly this savvy businesswoman, she signs a contract without reading it, without even glancing in its direction, and is then surprised when the mogul doesn’t want to preserve it. Despite holding magic vagina powers over not one but two hunky lawyers, neither gives her a shred of proper legal advice or is willing to help her out. So in the end she “saves” Christmas Land by incurring a $1.3 million dollar debt to own the land she owned outright just moments ago, and the mogul goes home to rub his greedy little paws together, counting his gold coins on Christmas day.

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