The Mule

I can’t, and won’t, recommend this movie.

You see, there are two kinds of people in this life: those who will watch a movie where poop is eaten, and those who won’t. Can you guess which category I fall into? It doesn’t matter. Because thanks to The Mule, I am now a person who has watched a movie where poop is eaten, like it or not (emphatic NOT).

The whole “plot” is just waiting for someone to take a dump. A little more context? Fine. Television repairman and all-round dim bulb Ray (Angus Sampson) gets convinced\coerced by his “best friend” Gavin (Leigh Whannell) to smuggle a whole key of heroin down his gullet. Ray lacks the smuggler’s panache, and the customs agent sees through his beads of sweat and flimsy story. The rectum comes up empty (after a thorough search that’s uncomfortable for all of us), so he’s being quarantined in a hotel room where cops (Hugo Weaving) are waiting round the clock for him to expel his bowels.

This movie starts out slow but as Ray writhes around on the bed, trying not to defecate or die, but mostly not to defecate, the situation around him starts to escalate. If you think the cops aren’t happy, you should see the drug dealers! But it starts to be an awkward contest as to who is the most shady and pretty soon there are no winners but lots and lots of losers, including me.

The truth is, you might actually enjoy this movie. It’s smart enough to elicit sympathy growls from your own tummy, I bet. Tony Mahony and Sampson co-direct, so there are at least two men to blame when you inevitably have to pause this movie to a) vomit, or b) brush your teeth vigorously, for days. I don’t have the stomach for a movie like this, no matter how good it otherwise is. I’d rather watch James Franco saw off his arm and Tom Hanks pull out his rotted teeth on a loop for the rest of my life than watch those 30 seconds of film ever again. Consider yourselves warned.

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31 thoughts on “The Mule

      1. fatmilton

        lol.. Ever thought of getting a stint on that Mike something-or-other, Discovery Channel show… “world’s dirtiest jobs”? Filth is, after all much easier to remove from our body…not so our mind!
        You’re a tough guy…hehehe

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      1. ridicuryder

        Well let’s say a 10 out of 10 on the queasy scale would be a straight-up snuff film.

        Something like the Reservoir Dogs – Psycho is dancing around and torturing a guy strapped to a chair…then he bites the guy’s nose half-off. Let’s say 5.5 / 10

        Where’s Mule gonna land?

        Like

    1. fatmilton

      Having had the misfortune of being exposed to this movie (the 2010 version anyway), I don’t think the mouth-anus aspect was half as disturbing as the initiator of the “art-work”…worse even that the protagonists…that being the producer/writer’s mind! (Tom Six)…did you get the wordplay?

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      Reply

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