If you ever wondered what Fatal Attraction would have been like populated with people you didn’t like in high school, have I got a treat for you. Well, not a treat exactly. You still won’t like it. But at least it’ll be partially your fault.
Tyler and Alison are high school sweethearts who are “taking it slow.” They attend a 
party one fine summer’s even where Tyler finds out that Alison has a slutty past and his adolescent jealousy rears its ugly head and they break up. Sexy Holly is there to help his penis though this difficult time. They share a steamy weekend together, but the minute Alison extends an olive branch, Tyler runs back into her welcoming arms. No harm done.
Except Holly shows up in school with them on Monday morning, and she infiltrates their clique. Suddenly Tyler’s revenge sex doesn’t seem like such a good idea! What if she tells Alison? And, perhaps more importantly, what if she goes on a murderous rampage?
Because she kind of does. She’s a bit deranged and stalky and decides that if Alison is what stands between her and Tyler, well, the only thing that makes sense is to mow Alison down, plus any bystanders for good measure. Note to Tyler: the hot ones are always batshit crazy.
The movie plays out even more ludicrously than this sounds, trust me. It’s predictable as shit and can’t even manage to plagiarize other movies correctly, “updating” the Fatal Attraction premise with texting and social media, which is a really cool and a great idea, SAID NO ONE EVER. The result is a psychological thriller weak on the psychological AND on the thriller – but pretty strong when it comes to cars no one would ever let a teenager drive, and high school students with suspiciously buff bodies. And don’t get me started on these little dumbshits never calling the police. If you ask me, the body count was far too low. They all deserved slow deaths. I was unsatisfied.
“They all deserved slow deaths.” I think I’ll be removing this from my Netflix queue now!😒
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Ha, I just watched this last night. No idea why it was on my Netflix queue. Fits right in with my “old-fart-whiner” category–“what is happening to the world of quality acting…oh, that’s right, it’s being swallowed up by a bunch of people who are wearing so much makeup they don’t even look like frickin’ real people anymore–just a bunch of android Plasticine Barbie/Ken dolls.” (I would apologize for my old people’s rant, but, hey, I’m old, and I’ll probably forget I even posted this comment in a few days, anyway. LOL).
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Think I’ll give it a miss 🙂
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I simply love your writing, Jay. Always a pleasure and right to the point.
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You are quite prolific Jay – shit, you make me laugh out loud.
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I saw clips of it due to the sexiness as this was probably one of the last times Bella Thorne has done it for me but if you’ve see her now. Yikes. She’s definitely on something right now and ugh…. She’s the new Smiley Virus/Lindsay Hohan.
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Lord help us.
I’m cancelling my Netflix cause of this.
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Netflix will surely miss you.
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Haha!
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This is sooooo one I will avoid..!
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“Is there to help his penis through this difficult time.” I love that. Haha. I might just use it. 🙂
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Ha ha ha. Your review is hysterical. Far better than the movie, I’m sure. 😀
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Such a terrible movie. Sad too because I was really having high hopes for Halston Sage. The whole movie was built on a terrible premise and everyone made the dumbest mistakes. The cops were never even involved which makes this so unbelievable. Lol just a terrible movie. 😂
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