Goosebumps

20151007fdGoosebumps.6c5f8Turns out, it’s Jack Black week around these here parts. Today’s instalment is Goosebumps, a movie written for (and possibly by) people a third of my age or less. And those damn tweens must have seen this one a LOT of times because a sequel is coming out this fall just in time for Halloween.

First things first: Goosebumps is not scary at all. Planet Earth II is more harrowing.ย  Though in fairness, the Planet Earth segmentย with the snakes chasing an iguana is one of the scariest things ever:

There is no chase sequence in Goosebumps that even comes close to that level of terror, but that’s by design. Goosebumps is completely non-threatening right down to its protagonist, who you might recognize as the non-threatening guy from 13 Reasons Why if, like me, you watch too much Netflix.ย  He is perfect for Goosebumps because in his spare time he is a singer/rhythm guitarist for a band that got its break at a social inclusion and autism awareness concert (that’s right, two non-threatening causes at once)!

There are monsters in Goosebumps but they are the kind that chase you with a smile on their face. The kind that Jay would adopt and make me build a shelter for in our backyard. The kind that I can watch with my nephews and not get dirty looks from their parents. The kind that must make Goosebumps author R.L. Stine pat himself on the back for being as non-threatening as the guy from 13 Reasons Why (it helps immensely that Stine has written dozens of joke books and G.I. Joe choose-your-own-adventures under the pen names “Jovial Bob Stine” and “Eric Affabee”).

The only way Goosebumps will give you goosebumps is if you watch it while your furnace is broken. But I’ll take that over nephew nightmares any day of the week.

 

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14 thoughts on “Goosebumps

  1. Christopher

    The Goosebumps books are entertaining but not really scary which I think makes Jack Black another good choice for them since he’s pretty non-threatening too. Heck, he seems to have been perfectly cast in Bernie (one I hope is on your list).

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    1. Sean Post author

      I never read the books but had the feeling the movie matched their tone pretty well. And you’re right, Jack Black is totally on the non-threatening list as well. I’ve never seen Bernie so I might try to track that one down!

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  2. Liz A.

    I was just too old for the books when they came out, so the movie held no interest for me. Horror training wheels for kiddos ๐Ÿ™‚

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