In my opinion, the Hotel Transylvania franchise is completely devoid of charm, wit, imagination, or life. It’s the barest of bare minimums. It treats children like nitwits and may actually be worsening their little attention spans by assuming they have none.
But if your kids are already attached to this hotel full of monsters, chances are you’re going to have to sit through this one too, so here’s what you’re dealing with: Drac (a vampire voiced by Adam Sandler) manages a hotel for monsters. His daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez) shocked the monster community by marrying a human, Johnny (Andy Samberg) and producing a half-human, half-dracula child they inexplicably named Dennis. So that’s basically the first two movies, distilled into two sentences, and let’s face it, with some clever punctuation, it could have been just the one. Anyway. The hotel is populated by various monsters such as Frankenstein (Kevin James) and his lovely wife Eunice (Fran Drescher), Mr & Mrs Werewolf (Steve Buscemi and Molly Shannon), the invisible man (David Spade), and a mummy called Murray (Keegan-Michael Key). And in this third installment, Mavis gets it in her head that her dad has devoted his life to perfecting other people’s vacations and deserves one of his own. So somehow the whole gang schleps off to a monster cruise, helmed by the beautiful captain Ericka (Kathryn Hahn). Only problem is: Drac has already “zinged” once (“zing” being the monster version of love at first sight, and true love forever, and love being once in a lifetime). So he’s nervous about it, and Mavis is unexpected not that cool with it. But even more worryingly, Drac’s old nemesis Van Helsing (Jim Gaffigan) might still be after him after decades of cat and mouse. So that’s disappointing.
Spelling it out like this actually makes it seem like this movie has a plot, and I guess it does in the very vaguest of terms. But plot in this case is just filler in between out of the blue musical numbers \ dance sequences where it is clear that a) Sony isn’t shelling out for good or current music and b) the animators are super duper lazy and praying we won’t notice.
Anyway, Hotel Transylvania is as big a snore as the first and second. The only thing it has going for it is a giant puppy named Tinkles, even though he’s criminally and surprisingly effectively disguised by a small hat for most of the movie (which manages to confound all of the grown-ups until it falls off and his true identity is revealed). I was never in danger of laughing. I had low expectations for this movie and it met them – good thing it was the only thing playing at the drive-in.
We’ll be seeing it. Probably not at the theater though. My daughters loves monsters and has been asking about this one already. What can you do?
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Well I’m sure you’ve seen a lot worse.
I’ve recently been made aware of Nicky Ricky Dicky & Dawn – so I understand that parents go through a lot.
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Luckily, I haven’t seen any of the movies in this franchise, my younger sister has never shown any interest in watching them. I think it’s safe to say that 99% of movies starring Adam Sandler are to be avoided like the proverbial plague, does the ever guy do anything good? 😛
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Haha yes that’s the old Adam Sandler rule: if he’s in it, it’s a really bad movie. 😛
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My son really loved the second one, but the previews suggest that they didn’t even try with this. I’m hoping to avoid it as long as I can.
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Good luck.
It was #1 at the box office last weekend so it seems like lots of parents survived it!
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I didn’t much care for the first one, and that was watched with the nephews, meaning that I couldn’t pay attention as they weren’t still enough for me to devote any focus to it. If it was meh then, it must have been awful to anyone giving it their full attention.
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Maybe because it was something new, I loved the first movie… saw it over and over with the kids and always found something Id missed before. I’m not good with sequences though, so I am going to rejoice in my wisdom
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I’m glad I haven’t wasted my time on these.
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I hate these movies. I keep delaying my daughter until it is out on DVD or steaming. Don’t want to waste a trip to the theater.
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Bummer. I’m supposed to see it on Sunday but maybe I’ll just sleep though it 🙂
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I didn’t hate the first one, but I did the second. Since I work with kids, there’s a chance I’ll be forced into seeing this one.
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WEll you’re very strong, I know you’ll survive.
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Not seeing this, or any of them really . Sounds pretty dire.
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That opening line is just brilliant. I think I’mone of the few who kinda loved the first one, but the second was a snoozefest. My friend really wants to see Summer Vacation though so I’ll no doubt see it with her!
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I enjoyed the first one, but that was the end of it … pass. 🙂
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Thank God I’m young enough and not have kids.
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Haven’t seen it yet, but heard it was all right. Might have to re-think it.
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I loved these movies!!
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