Magical Christmas Ornaments

Marie is feeling sad and kind of Grinchy after a bad recent breakup. So her mother is sending her gifts in the mail – ornaments that were special to her in childhood. Yes, not coincidentally, these are Hallmark keepsake ornaments, visibly branded. This is an 87 minute commercial.

Marie is not your typical Hallmark heroine. They usually cast from a very narrow set of cookie-cutter qualities. They all look like the girl next door – attractive, but not glamourous, not intimidating. Approachable. Not high maintenance. Marie, however, looks like she might have some adult films under her belt. So it’s a littleMagical-Christmas-Ornaments-hallmark-movies-40840833-450-325 unbelievable when the wholesome, blandly hunky nurse next door Nate starts to fall for her. Of course, she tries to scare him off. Her reasons are sound, and many: if they got together and it didn’t work out, it would be awkward in elevators. And the mail room! Okay I lied, those were all the reasons. And keep in mind the fact that they lived next door to each other for 6 months before they “met” because she’s always so phone- and self-absorbed. The woman’s best acting is not falling down the stairs in heels.

Anyway, you guys are super smart, so you’ve noticed from the title that these aren’t any ordinary ornaments. They’re magic! Marie’s mother is sending ornaments that put ju-ju out into the universe. Are they predicting events or are they making them happen? No, it is not simply coincidence, god, I can’t believe you even brought that up, where the heck is your Christmas spirit?  How rude! Get your head out of the snowbank and pay attention! These are magical ornaments. They look like shitty, dusty Hallmark remnants from the 1980s, but trust me, they have special powers.

Do your ornaments pulse with magic? Probably not. They probably have little metal hooks, or else a ribbon, and some will have glitter. Are some of them special? Are all of them special? Tell me about them as a palette cleanser so I can pretend I never watched this movie.

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18 thoughts on “Magical Christmas Ornaments

  1. msjadeli

    I had a box of dough ornaments that the kids and I baked then painted when they were young. The decs were stored in the attic. They did not survive a hungry raccoon family that invaded. Sounds like a National Lampoon sequel yes? Where in the world did you see this? If you tell me The Hallmark Channel…..

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      1. msjadeli

        lol. they ate the dough ones and the macaroni off of some my kids made at school. little punks! i had to have a raccoon wrangler come up and get them out, but i let them stay too long before calling them. i remember going to bed, then in the middle of the night they’d be frolicking up there and making quite a racket. ah, the good ol days 🙂

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  2. selizabryangmailcom

    But I need to find out if hunky Nate next door really loves her or if the ornaments MADE HIM LOVE HER. ‘Cause that’s EXACTLY how I trapped MY husband.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. J.

    Oh man. You think Christmas could deliver something better than this, eh? That’s why I still watch Home Alone every Christmas… and this year will be no different. Home Alone, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Miracle on 34th Street (and Pacific Rim and Highlander, obviously).

    Liked by 3 people

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  4. fragglerocking

    I don’t like Christmas movies, apart from Home Alone, (which they are putting on at the cinemas this Christmas here, not sure if they are over your way). I didn’t know Hallmark made movies, thought they just made Occasion cards!

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  5. Widdershins

    Mrs Widds has a tree-topper angel that she made when her kids were little. It has to be at least 35 years old and she and I still put it on our tree every year … very carefully, and after re-gluing any bits that have fallen off. 😀

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    1. Jay Post author

      Aw, that’s special. We had to convince our mom to retire our macaroni and construction paper confections from kindergarten because they were certainly fire hazards! But her tree is still littered with mementos from childhood.

      My tree has ornaments from every place I’ve traveled to.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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