Marie is feeling sad and kind of Grinchy after a bad recent breakup. So her mother is sending her gifts in the mail – ornaments that were special to her in childhood. Yes, not coincidentally, these are Hallmark keepsake ornaments, visibly branded. This is an 87 minute commercial.
Marie is not your typical Hallmark heroine. They usually cast from a very narrow set of cookie-cutter qualities. They all look like the girl next door – attractive, but not glamourous, not intimidating. Approachable. Not high maintenance. Marie, however, looks like she might have some adult films under her belt. So it’s a little
unbelievable when the wholesome, blandly hunky nurse next door Nate starts to fall for her. Of course, she tries to scare him off. Her reasons are sound, and many: if they got together and it didn’t work out, it would be awkward in elevators. And the mail room! Okay I lied, those were all the reasons. And keep in mind the fact that they lived next door to each other for 6 months before they “met” because she’s always so phone- and self-absorbed. The woman’s best acting is not falling down the stairs in heels.
Anyway, you guys are super smart, so you’ve noticed from the title that these aren’t any ordinary ornaments. They’re magic! Marie’s mother is sending ornaments that put ju-ju out into the universe. Are they predicting events or are they making them happen? No, it is not simply coincidence, god, I can’t believe you even brought that up, where the heck is your Christmas spirit? Â How rude! Get your head out of the snowbank and pay attention! These are magical ornaments. They look like shitty, dusty Hallmark remnants from the 1980s, but trust me, they have special powers.
Do your ornaments pulse with magic? Probably not. They probably have little metal hooks, or else a ribbon, and some will have glitter. Are some of them special? Are all of them special? Tell me about them as a palette cleanser so I can pretend I never watched this movie.
ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES 
The funnier the write-up, the crappier the flick. Right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a box of dough ornaments that the kids and I baked then painted when they were young. The decs were stored in the attic. They did not survive a hungry raccoon family that invaded. Sounds like a National Lampoon sequel yes? Where in the world did you see this? If you tell me The Hallmark Channel…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, poor, desperate raccoons!
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol. they ate the dough ones and the macaroni off of some my kids made at school. little punks! i had to have a raccoon wrangler come up and get them out, but i let them stay too long before calling them. i remember going to bed, then in the middle of the night they’d be frolicking up there and making quite a racket. ah, the good ol days 🙂
LikeLike
You do know Hallmark movies are bulletproof and I think 90% of them are filmed in Canada….
Just wanted to share that with you…..
LikeLike
I know, I recognize a lot of the backgrounds.
LikeLike
But I need to find out if hunky Nate next door really loves her or if the ornaments MADE HIM LOVE HER. ‘Cause that’s EXACTLY how I trapped MY husband.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, so maybe Hallmark owes you money for stealing your story!!
LikeLike
Oh man. You think Christmas could deliver something better than this, eh? That’s why I still watch Home Alone every Christmas… and this year will be no different. Home Alone, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Miracle on 34th Street (and Pacific Rim and Highlander, obviously).
LikeLiked by 3 people
I don’t like Christmas movies, apart from Home Alone, (which they are putting on at the cinemas this Christmas here, not sure if they are over your way). I didn’t know Hallmark made movies, thought they just made Occasion cards!
LikeLike
And ornaments, don’t forget the ornaments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This sounds like an interesting premise. Too bad it was made into a crappy Christmas movie.
LikeLike
Holy hell, there are a lot of Xmas movies being made! I plan on skipping every one of them, as I can’t wait for December 26th to arrive.
LikeLike
For the 1932 Lake Placid Olympics, my grandma’s boyfriend escorted Sonja Henie onto the ice. He was given an ice skater Christmas ornament that my family still has.
LikeLike
Wow, what a wild memory to have on your tree!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I wrote an article about it for a local paper 🙂 Cool guy!
LikeLike
Mrs Widds has a tree-topper angel that she made when her kids were little. It has to be at least 35 years old and she and I still put it on our tree every year … very carefully, and after re-gluing any bits that have fallen off. 😀
LikeLike
Aw, that’s special. We had to convince our mom to retire our macaroni and construction paper confections from kindergarten because they were certainly fire hazards! But her tree is still littered with mementos from childhood.
My tree has ornaments from every place I’ve traveled to.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I plan on skipping every one of them, as I can’t wait for December 26th to arrive.
LikeLike