Sonic The Hedgehog

Does the world need movies based on video game characters? Not really. But a good story can spring up from anywhere, except perhaps from the minds of screenwriters Josh Miller and Patrick Casey whose credits are so sparse they literally feature “community television” and yet Sonic The Hedgehog will still not make their highlight real.

Sonic The Hedgehog isn’t bad but it is speeding in the exact opposite direction of good, leaving only lightning farts and a blue blur in its wake. Is Sonic allergic to not sucking? Okay, so it’s kind of bad. The script is bland and overly familiar and exceedingly safe. There’s nothing new or exciting here, just a paint-by-numbers that any idiot could have written, and in the case of Sonic, we got two. I mean: someone got paid for this. Miller and Casey literally cashed a cheque for writing the line “Let’s go do some ROCK-conaissance!” and Jim Carrey got a much, much bigger one to say it.

And ugh: Jim Carrey. I was fine with him having disappeared off the face of the earth. I was never a fan of his annoying, rubber-faced schtick, the over-the-topness of his obnoxious expressions and over-enunciation. NOT. HERE. FOR. IT. I very kindly tolerate him when a director keeps a tight leash on him (Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) but Jeff Fowler is not that director. Not only is Carrey unleashed, it’s pretty clear he’s a very bad dog who’s probably pissing on Fowler’s shoes. Fowler, whose credits are no more impressive than Miller’s or Casey’s (ie, he’s never made a movie before), is quite content to simply point his camera in the right direction.

James Marsden, charming and inoffensive, is relegated to saying things like “Good grief!” which is not a thing for grown men to say, or anyone outside of Charlie Brown’s inner circle, really. Tika Sumptner, playing his wife, is given even less to do. Ben Schwartz voices Sonic, and though Schwartz is known for rather larger than life characters, you could go the whole movie without placing his voice, generic white guy à la Zach Braff.

Sonic The Hedgehog is the film equivalent of an oatmeal raisin cookie. Kids might reach for it simply because it is a cookie, but if chocolate or peanut butter or even plain old shortbread were on offer, it would be no question. But it’s just 6 weeks into this new year and it’s virtually the only family-friendly movie in theatres. This is how oatmeal raisin thrives: a complete dearth of options.

 

18 thoughts on “Sonic The Hedgehog

  1. Liz A.

    Wasn’t Sonic a big deal… back when I worked at the evil toy store (not defunct)? Not only is it a video game movie, but a “classic” video game character movie. This had no hope of being good.

    Like

    Reply
  2. EclecticMusicLover

    Jim Carrey has turned out to be a better visual artist, drawing scathing satirical political cartoons blasting our vile President Pennywise and the corrupt GOP. I saw a wonderful exhibit of his drawings in L.A. about a year ago.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Brittani

    Amazing cookie analogy! I actually really loved the Sonic the Hedgehog comic series. I read all of it, but this movie just looks….not for me. I’ll see it, but I imagine I’ll feel the same way you do.

    Like

    Reply
  4. Tom Being Tom

    “…the film equivalent of an oatmeal raisin cookie. Kids might reach for it simply because it is a cookie, but if chocolate or peanut butter or even plain old shortbread were on offer…”

    Brilliant! 👏👏👏👏👏

    Like

    Reply
  5. Paul

    I saw this film this afternoon and you’re absolutely right about Jim Carrey. His Ace Ventura Shtick was getting old back in the 1990s and here it’s so stale it’s starting to smell.

    The rest of the film was bland and forgettable. I didn’t like it, I didn’t hate it and I will probably be completely unable to remember anything about it by this time next month.

    Like

    Reply
  6. mizan

    Amazing cookie analogy! I sincerely truely loved the Sonic the Hedgehog comedian series. I study every over it, but that movie just looks….not because of me. I’ll confer it, but I imagine I’ll experience the equal way thou do.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Brittani Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s