robert loggia | ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES

Strange things are happening lately. Sylvester Stallone won a Golden Globe and is nominated for an Oscar. I’ve made Jay return to George Lucas’ glory days and watch the original Star Wars trilogy for the first time, which is something she swore would never happen. And since these sorts of things come in threes, I like my chances of convincing Jay to watch Over the Top, which I just found out is on Netflix. Especially because Jay is still on oxycontin recovering from her back surgery.

Over the Top is a hidden gem in the same way as a lump of coal. It was a very 80s attempt to reboot Rocky: take Stallone, put him in another salt-of-the-earth role where his muscles do the talking, give him a wholesome never-quit attitude, and add in Robert Loggia as the villain for good measure. The ingredients are all here but this movie is absolutely awful. So awful I can’t help but love it.

First, Robert Loggia. This is exactly how I feel when I see him in anything.

He was the best (RIP, Mr. Loggia) and he really chews the scenery here. Which is fortunate because in Over the Top, Stallone shows absolutely no charisma, the arm-wrestling bad guy is the most boring villain you could think of, and the kid Stallone is fighting for is so annoying, spoiled and entitled that you think all the way through that Stallone would gladly take $500,000 to never have to see him again.

over-the-top-poster

Second, trying to get us to cheer for Stallone’s down-on-his-luck arm wrestler is so misguided it hurts. Is there even such a thing as an up-on-his-luck arm wrestler? Are any of these guys in good financial standing? I don’t know how legitimate the World Armwrestling League is, but the champion only gets $20,000. So that was probably like $10,000 in 1987 dollars. If you’re driving a semi across the country like Stallone does in Over the Top, I guess you can save money by sleeping in the cab, but how much are you left with at the end of the day even if you are good/lucky enough to win? Just one more reason you wonder why Stallone wouldn’t take the $500,000 [SPOILER ALERT] rather than selling his truck (HIS ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME) so he can pull a Pete Rose and bet on himself to win the contest [END SPOILERS]. See how much you are going to love this movie?

Third, the music is the worst thing imaginable. Any song that was cheesy to make the cut for Rocky IV can probably be found on Over the Top’s soundtrack. No Easy Way Out is literally too good a song to be in this movie. I didn’t think that was even possible but it’s true. The featured ballad is a Kenny Loggins wuss rock gem, and the soundtrack also features songs from Sammy Hagar, Eddie Money and Asia. It is probably the perfect music to arm wrestle to, if you have the urge. And after watching Stallone [SPOILER ALERT] rock his way to victory [END SPOILERS], I predict that you are going to have that urge.

I give Over the Top a score of one man against the world out of the world. But since the one man is 2016 Golden Globe winner and 2016 Academy Award nominee Sylvester Stallone, that’s actually a very good score.

In response to A Fistful of Films’ blogathon, 10 Perfect Cinematic Moments, here are Sean’s. Check out Matt’s and Jay’s as well!

The Usual Suspects – “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled…”

As surprised as I was to find out Kaiser Sose’s identity, it was the way the reveal was handled that puts it on this list. This is more than a “gotcha” moment; it is an amazing sequence that was perfectly executed by Kevin Spacey, Chazz Palminteri and Brian Singer, and I am sure a lot of others. The movie would still be good if this sequence was something less, but the scene makes this movie a classic and makes this moment one of my favourites.

Gladiator – Battle of Carthage

This battle is not the film’s climactic one but it is the turning point in this movie. For Russell Crowe’s Maximus, it is his rebirth. For his fellow gladiators, it is when they find their leader. And for Joaquin Phoenix’s Commodus, it is when he realizes his days are numbered. It is such a fantastic battle that is so well filmed, has such high stakes, and perfectly captures that underdog victory feeling.

E.T. – Flying Bicycles!

This was the first moment that Jay and I came up with for this list, and at the same time, I think that says a lot. Of all the moments ever filmed, this one comes to mind because it is so magical and unexpected, because it really shows you that anything is possible and there are no limits at all – if you can dream it, you can do it. That is the essence of movies and that feeling is what we hope to see captured in some new way every time we see something new.

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back – “I am your father”

I had to put this one on here. It’s part of my childhood. This was the moment I realized that things are not just black and white. There isn’t just good and evil. It took me a while to understand how this was possible but when I figured it out I loved what it said about the world (though I was a little scared by it too). By the way, Darth Vader’s life before these movies was much better in my head than it was when put up on-screen in Episodes 1-3. And it always is, isn’t it? Some things are better left to your imagination.

Big – The Big Piano

How perfect is this moment? So perfect that when I went to New York for the first time only a few years ago, seeing this piano made me feel like a big kid. Exactly the way I like to think Robert Loggia is made to feel by Tom Hanks’ Josh in this scene. It’s hard to keep touch with that feeling in the abstract, sometimes we need help. This scene gives me that help every time and that is a powerful thing.

Raiders of the Lost Ark – Swordfight

This swordfight is not much of a fight at all. It is totally one-sided and that is what makes it so brilliant. Indiana Jones’ reaction here sums up the character perfectly – there are no rules, this is not about being a hero, there is just a goal that he is going to accomplish and no one will stand in his way. Steven Spielberg has such a gift at doing that, at distilling things into a five second wordless sequence that others would have to spend dialogue and time on. It’s so much better this way.

Rocky – Gonna Fly Now

Rocky has gone through a lot at this point. He hasn’t had an easy life and he has been trying to become more than a punched-out shell. Not many believe in him, possibly including a lot in the audience. This scene is where it turns around, for Rocky anyway. After this it doesn’t matter what happens, he’s already won.

Singing in the Rain – Singing in the Rain!

For a movie that has been around more than 50 years, it took me a while to get to it. I shouldn’t have waited that long! Singing in the Rain is amazing all the way through but the title song is really something special and stands out above all else. It is simply magical and no one else does it like Gene Kelly does. Brilliant!

Days of Thunder – “He always goes to the outside”

Cole Trickle plays the long game in this movie. He spends an hour of screen time setting up Russ Wheeler for this moment, and we all see it coming but Russ himself. I like that we see it coming. It makes it that much better when Cole slingshots past Russ, and the best part is that Cole still takes the time to smash Russ into the wall. Of course he did. That’s Cole Trickle.

Amelie – Walking with a Blind Man

This one gets me every time. It is so joyous and so magical with so much energy. Again it feels like the movie leads up to this point. The music adds so much and it’s another moment where director Jean-Pierre Jeunet is not constrained by the rules of our world. If a blind man is happy why shouldn’t he glow? It just makes sense.