Welcome back to another edition of Movie Malarkey where we, being the Assholes that we are, try to bluff you into buying our fake movie synopses. We loved the responses we got last week so much that we thought we’d try it again.

The obscure movie title of the week is Eegah. Believe it or not, this is a real movie and only one of the summaries below is accurate. The rest are just Malarkey (and thanks to Joel for suggesting it).

a) After Roxy hits a 7-foot giant caveman named Eegah while driving through California desert, her father returns to the scene in hopes of snapping a photo of the giant. When he fails to return home, Roxy and her boyfriend realize they must rescue her father from the terrifying Eegah – a creature who, like any of us, just wants to be loved.

b) Twenty men set sail on the Eegah for adventure, profit, and a chance at a new life they think will favour them once they set foot on New Land. Only two men survive to the end of the journey, and even they are unprepared for the culture they find once there. One thing’s for sure – there’s no going back.

c) Veronique and Michel are a couple of young newlyweds who suffer the agonizing loss of their newborn daughter just a year into their marriage. To save their relationship and heal their hearts, the pair decide to hike the Eegah desert together, but will grief transcend the unforgiving landscape?

Vote by poll and\or comments on which you think is the REAL movie synopsis for Eegah.

SPOILER: ANSWER BELOW!

Eegah, a “beloved” (rating: 2.2 out of 10) comedy from 1962, directed by Arch Hall Sr and starring Arch Hall Jr, with the amazing Richard Kiel appearing as the 7-foot caveman (oddly, since he’s 7’2 in real life). It had a budget of just 15K, but it still manages to make you wonder where the other 12k went. This movie is listed among The 100 Most Enjoyably Bad Movies Ever Made by Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson. And this guy knows bad movies. The sound recordist was such a failure that almost the entire movie had to be dubbed in post-production, and badly. And the assistant camera operator got so cozy with the terrible movie motif that he went on to make The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? – which, yes, is a real movie title for some reason. Bet you can’t guess what that one’s about!

Still, this movie had some success at drive-ins that summer, and managed to make the director a million dollars, which, if he’s still alive today, I bet he still laughs about.

Thanks everyone for playing along!

Welcome, one and all, to our first ever round of Movie Malarkey!

The aim of the game is thusly: an obscure and vague movie title will be selected. Without looking it up, two of us will attempt to guess what the movie is, based solely on the title, and the third will write up a synopsis of the actual movie. Your job, dear reader, is to guess which one is the REAL movie, and you shouldn’t be looking it up either. You can vote via poll or by comment. Anyone who wants to participate in the coming weeks can leave a comment. Same goes for anyone who’s go the perfect vague title.

This week the movie title is: Phffft! Our entries are:

a) When a washed-up Broadway actor’s girlfriend is kidnapped, her captors demand $3 million dollars in ransom. To raise the money, he must reassemble the cast of his hit musical Phffft!, including his volatile ex-wife and two men sharing a horse costume, in order to raise the money.

b) An acrimoniously divorced couple can’t seem to stop running into each other in various surprising ways while being counselled by their confidantes to keep their distance, until one night they find themselves in a nightclub doing the mambo together. Can a rekindling be far behind?

c) Roslyn and Kara were the two most popular girls in school, until the bus crash. Now Kara is in a coma, trapped in limbo, with the ability to move things with her mind and only  helping her friend from beyond will wake her up. But what will Kara do when Roslyn starts crushing on Kara’s boyfriend? Find out in the latest teen comedy from the writers of She’s All That.

ANSWER:

As many of you guessed, the answer is b) – the divorced couple who end up “doing the mambo.” Although I’d venture to say that if you guessed a) you are even more correct since that is clearly the superior movie synopsis, and one I wish existed. Phffft is a 1954 film starring Jack Lemmon. It gets its title, rather randomly I think, from Walter Winchell’s gossip column of the times. When a celebrity couple split, he called it a phffft. So there you have it.