Monster Trucks

Who is this movie made for? It talks down to its audience like we’re 5 year olds, yet it stars a 27 year old man playing a broody, 16 year old teenager. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t 27 when it was filmed – maybe he was 24. Ish. This movie was slated for release in 2015 but was delayed two years for “post-production” – it lost Viacom a LOT of money before it was even released.

Lucas Till plays the “teenager” in question, old enough to shave, but still makes fast-car noises with his mouth as he pretends to drive a car.

In a small town, an oil company is drilling for oil. They probably should have stopped monster-trucks-lucas-till-trailerwhen they detected a possible ecosystem but guess what? Oil guys are not super ethical! Surprising, I know. Of course something happens: something comes out of the hole. Turns out it’s a new life form, monster-ish in appearance, with a mean craving for oil. It rips through cars in the search for “food.” Tripp is busy brooding away with a strand of perfect blonde hair in his eyes when he encounters the monster he names Creach, and of course befriends it. Creach somehow becomes the motor in his beat up truck, making it go real fast and stuff.

Barry Pepper, Amy Ryan, Danny Glover, and Rob Lowe all have embarrassing roles in this piece of shit. There are trucks and there are monsters and there isn’t much of a story in between. Even my 5 year old nephew would stay away from this thing, and he loves both monsters and trucks. He does not, however, appreciate any love interest in his movies, and by making the protagonist a love-struck teenager, the film effectively eviscerates its only possible target audience.

There goes 104 precious minutes of my life, time I could have spent learning napkin folding or looking for love on Craigslist. What a wreck.

 

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17 thoughts on “Monster Trucks

  1. Hazziesof

    I thought Creach looked cute in the trailers and asked my son if he thought he might like to see this. He said, “This looks bad, Mom.” lol Thanks for the review. Now I can save my time for something else. 🙂

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  2. Brittani

    That guy is supposed to be a teenager? Yikes. My biggest pet peeve is teenagers that look way to hold to be teens. I can’t look past it anymore. I see Jane Levy is in this too, she’s my age. She needs to stop playing teens too.

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    1. Jay Post author

      So true. His character is old enough to drive, which I suppose is important to the plot, and of course he can’t wait to escape his podunk town. But in all other respects he’s weirdly immature, which is weird from a guy with chest hair.

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  3. sportsattitudes

    When my wife and I saw the trailer in the theatre for the first time we just looked at each other for the longest time…no words needed. When the trailer showed up on TV her comment was…well, looks like they really are going to release that. There was so much invested they had to put it in the theatres but it sounds like a film I can’t even watch for bad-film cult potential. The two minute trailer was enough for me.

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