A Christmas Prince

This movie is so fabulously, unashamedly horrible I want to go into an eggnog-induced coma after slitting the throats of all involved with reindeer antlers and mistletoe whittled down to shivs.

It is EVERYTHING you know it will be, every damn cliche in exactly the right order. An American editor-wannabe-journalist for an unimportant magazine is for some 7ab3c50a33e196331a602d78c376a5996e35266breason sent to a fake European country for her first big assignment to cover some royal crisis. Last year on Christmas the king died, leaving his throne vacant. It should rightfully go to his son, who never wanted it. He’s spent the last year being a shitty playboy millennial across the globe and but he’s only got until Christmas this year to claim the throne or risk it going to his cousin, who actually wants the job and only seems to be marginally less a dick than Prince Richard.

Meanwhile, Amber’s big, serious journalist tactic is to lie her way into the palace and pose as a tutor to Richard bratty little disabled sister and then surreptitiously take pictures of the royal family with her iphone while wearing Converse to prove she’s quirky AND relatable AND out of her depth! And she’s accident prone, the plight of all beautiful heroines because it’s the only flaw that doesn’t cause ugliness. Of course she falls for the Prince because not only is he blandly white boy handsome, he’s also kind to orphans! But her lies are quickly snowballing and she’s also not very good at her job so her cover could be blown any day now – especially with a conniving Lady Something or Other trying to make sure she’s the next crown Princess, no matter which dude becomes King.

I know you’re wondering this so let me get it out of the way: YES, there’s a makeover. Yes there are horses. Yes there’s a cookie baking montage.

So get your ass in gear, A Christmas Prince isn’t going to watch itself! Then come back here and use the comments section to roast, roast, roast.

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10 thoughts on “A Christmas Prince

  1. Liz A.

    I think I have this on my DVR. (I went on a Christmas movie binge. Not that I’ve even begun to watch any of them.) I’ll return to rant if I get around to actually watching it.

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  2. tubularsock

    Oh my Lisa, “an eggnog-induced coma”?

    Now you are talking about a Tubularsock breakfast!

    And what is wrong with “. . . blandly white boy handsome”?

    This is a cringe-worthy-movie-review, well done.

    Somehow, Tubularsock will miss this “. . . American editor-wannabe-journalist” this time around.

    Hmmm, this is getting odd! It is making Pup Star: Better 2gether look better! Oh, Tubularsock hopes he hasn’t overdosed!

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  3. Silver Screenings

    This movie did have a couple of “cute” moments and beautiful scenery, but I am still shocked I actually watched the whole thing.

    All the way through the movie, I kept wondering if it was made just to sell clothing & accessories the actors wore.

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  4. Lorna Cunningham-Rushton

    Hi, I’ve been reading you but not talking back. I’m having some problems with acute and constant pain in my arms….it’s mysterious and I’m hoping to get to see my doctor in the next couple of weeks. Anyway, count on me to be a constant reader.

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  5. Misty

    I’ve been sick the last few days and binge watching terrible Christmas movies. Found this site and happy I’m not alone in this self torture. You nailed the Christmas Prince. I was embarrassed for myself that I actually finished it. It was so bad not sure I can watch iZombie again if it returns. I may also be turned off converse. Oh and the make over? It was seriously a 2005 bridesmaid’s dress!!! Sad their budget was David’s Bridal layaway plan.
    The more I write I may watch again. Drunk with friends.

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