Yearbook: Star Wars Edition

So we’ve run through both Marvel characters and Disney princesses, I guess it’s time we take a look at our Star Wars pals and vote on who’s most likely to succeed. The only problem is that Sean was a nerdy little kid who loved Star Wars while I managed to avoid it for most of my life. So my votes are going to very basic in comparison to his since I don’t know who the heck Boba Fett is even though Sean talks about him (?) all the time. I will probably struggle not to say Chewie every time. God help me. No, YOU help me. Chime in!

Best Hair

Well holy hell. This is hardly fair! And could it really have gone any other way? Chewbacca for the win, but his hair is no joke. Maria Cork was the supervisor of the hair department in creature effects on The Force Awakens, and it was her job to make sure his locks were glossy and gorgeous every single day. Mostly yak hair with a bit of mohair around the eyes, you can read all about his preferred hair tools and products here.

Cutest Couple

No shame, but we’re on the same page again. Is there such thing as being TOO partial to droids? Nah. C3PO and R2D2 are more like an old married couple who bicker all the time but ultimately have a deep and loyal bond. Poe and BB-8 have more of a bromance. We should all be so lucky as to be cherished and valued the way Dameron feels for his droid.

Best Dressed

Samesies again? And I’m not even mad about it! Lando Calrissian is the obvious, and perhaps only choice. He’s stylish and debonair and has a cape collection that an entire galaxy envies.

Most Badass

I was startled and impressed with General Leia’s power, her temerity, her cool, her commanding presence. But ultimately I think Sean will be proved right – Rey ain’t nothing to fuck with.

Most Ambitious

Sean went with Emperor (Palpatine – I think), and I’ll believe him. I can’t really remember the bad guys so I googled Domhnall Gleeson Star Wars guy and the internet reminded me that he was called General Hux, who seems reasonably upwardly mobile.

Biggest Flirt

Sean thought Han was the flirtiest but I went with Oscar Isaac because that boy was eye fucking me the whole movie.

Class Clown


Sean went with Jar Jar Binks and I kind of don’t really know who that is in the grand scheme of things. I chose Anakin Skywalker because that shit WAS funny, even if it wasn’t intentional.

Life of the Party

Sean went with Wicket, the Ewok, and to be honest, I don’t know my Ewoks. Is this something I should look into? I went with Finn because I bet there ain’t no party like a storm trooper party.

Best Car

In a move surprising no one, Sean goes with Han and his hunk o junk, the Millennium Falcon. I wanted to pick those AT-AT things but I don’t know who drives them. So I went with Jabba’s party boat, which if course I couldn’t remember what it was called so again I had to ask google: what do I mean by that barge thingie with sails that picked them up in the desert and the internet spit back: Khetanna. It’s like a cruise ship for space villains. Sure it has a blaster cannon but it’s also got room for live music and 500 guests.

Most Likely To Become President

Again the vote goes unanimously to General Leia Organa for president, though let’s be honest – she’s already pretty much attained higher rank than that. President would probably be a demotion.

Most Likely To Get Catfished

Of COURSE it’s Kylo Ren. This emo dweeb probably has a dating profile littered with My Chemical Romance lyrics, and his profile pic is of him shirtless wearing high-waisted mom jeans, and he still wonders why everyone’s swiping left. He’s probably teetering dangerously in incel territory.

Most Accident Prone

I guess I don’t have any specific memories of C3PO being clumsy, but it sounds right. I went with Luke because the dude is missing a hand!

Most Opinionated

Sean went with Anakin. I went with L3, Lando’s droid from Solo, who was smart and woke and ready to lead her own rebellion.

Most Upbeat

Sean gave most upbeat to Yoda, and I’m glad to see him get some love, especially for his zen philosophy. I went with a young Han Solo – I connected more with him than I ever did with Harrison Ford’s character, which is probably blasphemous, but there it is.

Most Likely To Make Millions

Sean went with Lando for most likely to make millions, and as a chronic smuggler and gambler, he’s a hustler baby, and Sean’s probably right. But I went with Rose Tico. She’s got an impoverished background, having been forced to plunder her own mining community for the First Order her whole life, so I think she’s got the proper motivation to rise to the top.

Most Likely To Star In Their Own Reality Show

I knew you’d have Boba on here somewhere! I went with Sam Jackson, and I guess I mean that literally. I had to google his jedi name: Mace Windu. I’m really in this for SLJ (the L is for Leroy!).

Mostly Likely To Be Famous on Instagram

Sean thought Finn would do well on IG but I picked Admiral Holdo because she seems more into hair and fashion and getting her angles right, plus she’s important and well-connected so she’s got lots of famous friends.

Brainiest

Okay fine, we’ll give this one to Yoda, who has an advantage, being a 900 year old jedi master all-seeing ghost.

Who You’d Most Like to Eat Lunch With

Sean wants to eat lunch with Obi-wan because he’s a big nerd. I want Oscar Isaac FOR lunch.

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8 thoughts on “Yearbook: Star Wars Edition

  1. raistlin0903

    As a massive Star Wars fan I just simply want to say thank you for this post. It was incredibly entertaining to read, and it made me laugh so many times as well. Especially the last one lolπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Oh and it’s not blasphemous to like young Han Solo more than the old version in my book….not knowing who Boba Fett is though, that comes close….πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… Kidding of course! Awesome post! 😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

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  2. Orca Flotta

    “Sean wants to eat lunch with Obi-wan because he’s a big nerd. I want Oscar Isaac FOR lunch.”

    Jay, you as a professional movie critic, disappoint me in this case. You’re supposed to have lunch with a character, not their actor! So would you really prefer to lunch with hot headed and ultimately stupid Top Gun pilot Poe Dameron over the wise jedi master Obi Wan Kenobi?

    Like

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  3. Often Off Topic

    I absolutely LOVE this post idea. More of these, please! I’m sobbing for the shade you both threw on Kylo Ren though…I’d say he’s at least competition for Chewie in the best hair category!

    Like

    Reply
  4. mydangblog

    This was every kind of awesome! I agree wholeheartedly with Sean on the Ewoks, but you definitely have my back when it comes to Class Clown–he was so bad it was hysterical!

    Like

    Reply

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