I can’t imagine a single sentient organism that would be in any way remotely satisfied by The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.
We had screening tickets for this that were for a 10am showing on a Saturday morning, so needless to say, we didn’t make it. And now I’m damn glad I didn’t haul my ass out of bed for this nautical nonsense.
I was angry and disappointed when The Lego Movie failed to get even a nomination from The Academy Awards this past year, because it deserved to take home the trophy. In its place were a couple of movies no one had heard of, much less seen – Song of the Sea, and The Tale of the 
Princess Kaguya (alongside Big Hero 6, The Boxtrolls, and How To Train Your Dragon 2). Of those, I was glad that Big Hero got the Oscar, but this was an unusual category for me, in that I hadn’t actually seen all of the nominees. Those two unknowns were impossible to see in theatres (at least here in Ottawa – and I did try, combed VOD, the works). A while ago I noticed that Song of the Sea was available through Google Play, and I meant to get around to it, but wasn’t in much of a rush since I’d been harbouring festering resentment toward it since January.
The truth is, this is not the movie that took a slot away from our beloved Legos. This movie deserved to be there.
Now, before we get started, let me warn you, this isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s rated PG, for some mild peril, and pipe smoking images. Do you think you can handle that? If not, better go call your mother right now, get some guidance, talk it out, see if she thinks you’re up to it.
Once upon a time, a little boy is soothed by the stories told to him by his mother. She’s expecting a baby and he can’t wait to be its big brother. But then a baby appears but mama disappears. Through the magic of movies, a few years elapse, and big brother is quite resentful of his little sister, subconsciously blaming her for his mother’s death. Their father is deep in his grief and unable to care of his children, so his mother takes them away, against their wishes, with only mom’s conch shell to remind them of 
home. Turns out, that conch shell can summon magic when it’s blown by little sister, who is a selkie like her mama (a selkie being a girl who can turn into a seal when she wears her special coat). I’m making this sound more complicated than it is, because it’s actually a very simply told little Irish myth.
The animation is hand-drawn and absolutely stunning. I was impressed from word go and it never stopped, was never less than amazing. I’ve never seen a traffic circle look so ethereal. It 
may lack the thousand digitally produced hairs, or 57 moving facial muscles, but their little faces remain quite expressive. Attention has been paid. The glowy, magical imagery makes you feel like you’re inside a Klimt painting, and there’s a timelessness about it that’s both comforting and inspired. There are no singing snowmen, or talking cars, or yellow sidekicks; this movie is pure, and heartfelt, and embodies a mastery that we haven’t seen in a long time (maybe since The Secret of Kells). It looks the way a warm blanket feels, totally enveloping, which I suppose is appropriate: curl up, and hear a fine tale.
This post will publish the moment Sean and I, in Paris and thus “6 hours into the future” will set foot into Guy Savoy, a beautiful 3-star Michelin restaurant, the second most-expensive in the world, where we hope to eat caviar, drink champagne, and delight over brioches slathered in truffle butter. There will be 35 chefs in the kitchen preparing dinner for 60 hungry people and we will hope, hope hope hope, that none are rats. That none so much as have a rat in their hat.
Ratatouille is one of Sean’s favourite Pixar movies, probably because Sean loves food, but 
possibly also because Sean doesn’t have the classic aversion to rats that the rest of us do – his family idiotically kept them as pets (RIP Robbie and Bambam). So did the animators of Ratatouille. Rats lined the hallways of the Pixar studios so that animators could get their whiskers and tails and paws just right.
The film’s protagonist, a rat named Remy, is rendered with over a million individual hairs (his human counterparts have a tenth that – still impressive!). Little Remy dreams of becoming a great French chef despite the fact that his family’s against it, and you know, he’s also a rat. And restaurants hate rats. But he encounters a laconic chef named Linguine who benefits from Remy’s passion and skill.
The bad guy is the Head Chef, Skinner. This character is named after behavioural psychologist 
B.F. Skinner, who was known for the Skinner Box, where he made rats push a button for food over and over again.
This is the first Disney movie to feature a bastard. You know, as in, a kid born out of wedlock. Shocking! However, plenty of Disney movies have featured orphaned or partially-orphaned children – disproportionately so, one would hope.
To get the feel of the city just right, Brad Bird took a team up to Paris for a week where they buzzed around on motorcycles and ate at its top five restaurants (certainly Guy Savoy would have been on their list – it’s actually in the top 20 of the world). I feel sort of silly for not figuring out how to get my bosses to pay for my trip. And then I remember I’m self-employed. So I guess she kind of is! Meanwhile, the animators back home got to 
study and photograph rotting vegetables in order to render a realistic compost pile. No jealousy in that office, I’m sure.
Anyway, while the lucky ones were in Paris, they came across quite a sight, which made its way into the movie: a window shop displaying dead rats! Sounds weird but it’s a real shop that you can find (and we just might) in the first arrondissement called Destruction des Animaux Nuisibles. It’s an exterminator, established 1872, and quite a curiosity, but I don’t think I’ll be shopping for souvenirs there.
I may, however, be staking out their fine wines to bring home to our wine cellar if only we have 
the weight to spare in our suitcase. There’s a surprising amount of wine to be seen in this children’s movie – the restaurant critic Anto Ego orders a Chateau Cheval Blanc 1947, a Grand Cru, and obviously quite a vintage. This baby would set you back at least two grand, so for the second time in this film review, I’m left commenting: damn. How can I possibly bill that one to my boss? I’m clearly in the wrong profession! John Lasseter, Pixar head honcho, has a winery in Sonoma Valley and a bottle of his Lasseter Cabernet Sauvignon can be seen in the background.
This is a delicious little movie and I hope you’ll give it a watch if you haven’t already!
Sidekicks can steal the show – just ask the minions of Despicable Me, and now, belatedly, the Penguins of Madagascar, in their very own spy thriller!
The movie opens on a March of the Penguins-like origin story for this band of ragamuffins, and a documentary film crew (voiced brilliantly, in part, by Werner Herzog!) show them to be, let’s say, more bumbling than brilliant. This proves true once they’re grown as well – they escape the circus from the last movie but land themselves right in the hands of a nemesis they didn’t know they had (John Malkovich), an old zoo-mate from their Central Park days. This nemesis, also known as “Dave”, has it out for penguins in general and these ones in particular – their cuteness took the crowds away from his own zoo exhibit and he’s been harbouring a grudge ever since. The penguins seem to be in a little over their heads but an agency called the North Wind (a wolf voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, a neurotic polar bear, a sarcastic seal, and a sexy snow owl) swoops in to take over the rescue operation.
The traditional animation isn’t ground-breaking and the story’s not exactly scintillating, but I can see how this will work for kids. It’s full of fun visuals, simple puns, and wacky sight gags -“Melons, dead ahead!” It’s very hard not to have fun watching this movie, and if you’re a littlun all sugared up on snack bar, all the better – the pace is frenetic! I’m not sure it has much to keep adults captivated – too silly and earnest – but you should at least be able to sit through it with the kids. And if you’re missing King Julien, then just sit through about half a Pitbull song (if there’s a better musical representation for this empty-but-flashy animation, I don’t know it) during the credits, and whoop, there he is.
The Nominees are
I have nothing bad to say about any of these movies, they’re all watchable and enjoyable. It’s not easy to compare inflatable robots with Mexican representations of death, or sentient toys with mute dragons, but the Golden Globes (and soon the Oscars) forces us do so, and this year, there’s no contest.
This category holds one of my favourite movies of 2014, period. The Lego Movie is a triumph in 
detail. Every piece of the movie is virtually built with bricks, bricks that are blemished and scratched, bricks that appear to be played with. The nostalgia factor runs deep in this movie, with several familiar faces popping up in cameos throughout the film. Emmett, the hero of the movie, voiced by Chris Pratt, is a likable doofus that appeals to all audience members. Liam Neeson voices good cop\bad cop brilliantly and steals every scene he’s in. The movie shows a pig explode into sausages – I mean, there’s just no beating that. And any kid movie that can sneak in themes of Orwell’s 1984 AND The Matrix has got to be awarded. We’ll start with the Globes, but we’re not stopping until the Oscars.
Score one The Lego Movie. But do I think the Globes will agree? Yes, I do.
See our other Golden Globes coverage.
The Book of Life is the fourth Golden Globe nominee for Best Animated Feature Film that I have gotten around to reviewing and, unfortunately, the worst in every way I can think of.
The movie was produced by Gullermo del Toro so I know that I’m supposed to love it. And I’ve read several reviews that praised it for its focus on Mexican culture and characters. Fair point but I couldn’t help wondering on what side of the thin line between celebrating diversity and reinforcing stereotypes this film was falling as I nervously glanced around the theater once or twice to see if anyone else found this offenseive. Maybe I was the only one. I’m curious to hear what the internet has to say. What I could not forigive though were the bad song covers from which no one is safe- even Radiohead.
The book of Life may earn some points for its Just Be Yourself message. I’d be more impressed though if every other nominated animated film (although I haven’t seen the Boxtrolls yet) didn’t also have a Just Be Yourself message . In fact, if it turns out the Boxtrolls has a Don’t Stray From the Pack message, I would probably vote for it just for,ironically straying from the pack.
I may not be the target audience for this movie. Some movies are just for the kids and maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. But in the theater where I saw The Book of Life, the kids were as restless as I was, making me wonder who the target audience is supposed to be.
The only thing anyone needs to be special is to believe that you can be. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it’s true. -Vitruvius
Sometimes movies try too hard. Sometimes the effort to be meaningful or say something important is so obvious that it overwhelms the entertaining parts of the movie. That did not happen here.
This movie is gleefully insane but in the smartest possible way. It strikes a very difficult balance – it makes me laugh at the same silly things as my nieces and nephews. It feels made for all of us at once. And it makes me feel good about watching it with them, not only because it makes them laugh, but also because it has something really good to say. It has a great heart, and I think I want them to grow up to be like Emmet. Except not plastic.
Everything this movie tries, works. I just love this movie. And if you read my Big Hero 6 review, you know how much I loved that movie. But Matt was right. This is the best animated movie of 2014. Hands down. Everything truly is awesome here. You can see the love put into this in every single glorious frame. Everything is little bricks, everything looks like Lego and feels like Lego. It is unique and wonderful. See this movie and you are sure to find something to love too.
Confession: I am an Adam Sandler fan. Or maybe he’s become more of a guilty pleasure over the years, emphasis on the guilty. I grew up watching him on SNL, fell a little in love with him watching Billy Madison, and have been the only grown woman in a long line of 12-year-old boys to many of his movies. And no matter how many Jack & Jills he throws at me, I keep coming back. 
Eight Crazy Nights is not your standard holiday fare. Two and a half minutes in and this movie has already distinguished itself from other holiday movies: it’s lewd, it’s rude, and grandma’s not going to like it. I’m not even sure that I do, half the time. Potty humour’s not my thing. Like really not my thing.
This movie, when you can look beyond the crudeness, is actually kind of touching. It has messages of gratitude and appreciation, and an interfaith holiday celebration that’s more inclusive than any other holiday film on our list. But Adam Sandler is an eternal pre-pubescent boy. He is so squeamish about real emotion that any time he attempts it in his movies, he just as quickly negates it with bodily functions or silly voices. His discomfort is sadly obvious to the grown-up viewer, and yet, this movie doesn’t exactly seem directed at or appropriate for children. It is however, juvenile humour all the way. This movie can only appeal to pre-existing fans with a high tolerance for toilet jokes. It’s not charming or clever but it does have some guffaws, and even a song (“Technical Foul”) that you may find yourself singing around the house. Fans of Saturday Night Live will recognize voices from Sandler’s usual repertoire: Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and Jon Lovitz.
This movie doesn’t belong on any list of the “Classics” and I’m the last person to suggest that it be included, but I do find myself watching it every year around the holidays. I guess I’m a sucker for the Hanukkah Song.
Jay’s favourite Christmas movie: A Christmas Story
Matt’s favourite Christmas movie: It’s a Wonderful Life
Vote for YOURS!
It was announced last week that The LEGO Movie was (no surprise here) nominated for the Best Animated Feature Film Golden Globe. This, of course, prompted me to rewatch it, leaving me wondering who should win the Baymax/Will-Arnett’s-Batman battle. This is the problem with awards season, I guess, in that it makes us have to decide between stuff we love.
Sorry, Hiro. There’s just something special about Warner Bros.’ feature-length tribute to (or commercial for) the world of LEGO. Whether it’s the stays-in-your-head-for-days signature song, the exceptionlessly great voice cast (my favourites probably Liam Neeson in his one-man good copy/bad copy routine), or the genuinely touching ending, The LEGO Movie has so much that makes it stick out. The think for yourself message manages to be effective even as it hints that we should buy more LEGOs. And spend less on coffee. It’s more consistently funny than Big Hero 6 and even more creative. Batman, Superman, the Wild West, Han Solo, pirates, and Abraham Lincoln could only co-exist in the world of a kid and his Lego set. Until now. Only an Up or a Wall-E, which we’ve had to do without this year, could beat that. Thanks to LEGO and Big Hero 6 though, it’s still going to be an interesting category at the Golden Globes.
I am a little late to the party seeing Big Hero 6 so I will not review it the way that I normally would but will instead try to sum up in 6 reasons why, if you haven’t seen it yet, in the words of Hiro Hamada “I fail to see how you fail to see that it’s awesome”.
1. It was announced last week that Big Hero 6 has been nominated for a Best Animated Feature Film at the Golden Globes!!! Hmmm.. That sounded more exciting in my head. Okay, even I don’t really care about the Globes but, come January, I’m sure it’ll also become a must-see for any educated Oscar pool. Besides, you don’t want to be the only one in the room not to get it when Tina and Amy make a hilarious Baymax joke, do you?
2. If you don’t usually like Disney movies, don’t worry. This one’s also from a pretty deep and obscure corner of the Marvel universe. Apart from one robot, all the characters here are human . Just like any superhero movie, Hiro starts out as a bit of an outsider with a tragic past and must use what makes him unique (in this case, his intellect) to save the city. His pet robot Baymax also makes the transformation from cuddly to badass. There’s even a Stan Lee cameo.
3. If you’re tired of superhero movies, don’t worry. This is still a Disney film at heart with all the creativity, visual genius, and great characters you’ve come to expect from Disney’s best movies. Baymax really is an awesome creation and, although all the rockets and armour that Hiro adds later feel straight out of Iron Man, the health care provider that he is deep down is all Disney.
4. Hiro is backed up by a great supporting cast of four nerds-turned-heroes. Some Disney sidekicks are really there for the kids and can be distracting or even annoying. Wasabi, GoGo, Fred, and Honey Lemon offer necessary comic relief and support for Hiro, who is much younger than the rest.
5. A teenage boy who’s a bit of a loner bonds with and fights aongside a robot to save the world and it’s not directed by Michael Bay. So, there’s that.
6. Ever since Sean saw saw Big Hero 6, I could barely understand what he was talking about half the time. Now I can. he loved it too and you can check out his review.
ASSHOLES WATCHING MOVIES 