Tag Archives: Streaming on Netflix

Santa Girl

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In the North Pole, Christmas is a business and the head honcho, Santa (Barry Bostwick), is preparing his daughter Cassie (Jennifer Stone) to take over the family business. Cassie is not thrilled with her destiny – she’s been betrothed to Jack Frost practically since she was born, her career path is a lock – she’s a teenager who just wants to assert some independence. Can you blame her?

Cassie strikes a deal: in exchange for a semester to study “abroad,” she’l return to pick up the Santa reigns and marry as she must to merge the Kringle empire and secure Christmas forever. Cassie knows Christmas is important but for now she’s very happy to escape. Santa sends an elf, Pep ( McKayla Witt) to keep an eye on things but when he drops his daughter off at her dorm, you almost wish he could stay – if you think most dads are pretty discerning about who their daughter dates, imagine if her dad was Santa Claus, who knows exactly who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. Instead, he counsels her that in order to fit in with humans, she should hide her true self and her special abilities, and just blend in.

Anyway, this isn’t some girl power movie, it’s a Christmas rom-com, which means Cassie’s about to meet two seemingly viable suitors: the handsome and rich JR (Joshua Cody) and the broke but sweet Sam (Devon Werkheiser). There are still 102 days until Christmas and plenty of time for things to go wrong.

With the protagonists being so young, this movie is both more cringe-worthy yet more forgivable so than most others in its genre. It has a fresh-ish take on Christmas romance that involves falling in love but falling into other things too, which is important at any age.

Santa is a CEO and a single father – is he also a modern man? Cassie is a curious and independent soul – can she also buckle down to do her duty? And is the world prepared to accept a Lady Claus? Only Santa Girl will tell.

Christmas With A View

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Clara is a failed restaurateur. Scratch that: Clara’s first business venture didn’t work out. I’m sure she’ll be back on her feet soon but for now she’s gone home to lick her wounds and manage someone else’s restaurant in the meantime. That restaurant hires celebrity chef Shane and while Clara and Shane clash because of their ambitions – you guessed it – they also fall in love.

Of course all of this is happening over the holidays so you know the pressure’s on to be extra super duper romantic. What is it about Christmas that makes us feel we have to up the ante on absolutely everything? Such a gross impulse.

Now just because Shane is some sort of ultra charming TV personality don’t go thinking this romance is going to be easy peasy. Shane’s got some competition – the owner of the restaurant they both currently work for, the handsome and enigmatic Hugh. Hugh’s got big plans for the resort and hopes to bring Clara in on them, but Shane is suspicious.

Nearly everyone in this movie is a cook of some kind so it’s heavy on food porn. If you love shots of juicy things being pierced by picks, and perfectly ripe vegetables being chopped in half by sharp knives, and sauces being drizzled artfully over anything not moving, then this movie is for you. Christmas With A View has spent all its budget on groceries and has to save money by using green screens instead of sets. It’s as jarring as it sounds but let’s face it: we’re not actually here for the view. We’re here to see two people kiss under the mistletoe\over the gingerbread\ in front of the fire\in the gently swirling snow. The romance is the point here, and a Christmas romance means a very PG courtship, an unconvincing will they-won’t they, and lots of sappy emotion. Plus, probably a cookie montage, a has-been or two, and at least one rich suitor.

Christmas With a View manages to tick all those boxes without distinguishing itself in any way. You have to really love these types of movies to enjoy Christmas With A View, but even if you don’t hate it, you’re definitely going to find it forgettable. But not to worry: Netflix is releasing a new one next week!

This Christmas

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Christmas is hard. Even if you like your family – and I mean each and every one of them, even when they’re drinking – even if you LOVE them, it’s tough to be around them and not eventually revert to our petty childhood selves. Ma’Dere (Loretta Divine) is the matriarch of the Whitfield. A mother of six, there’s nothing this mama loves more than having her kids around the table at Christmas time, and with son Quentin home for holidays for the first time in four years, this year is bound to be one of the best. Right?

Except Quentin (Idris Elba) and Ma’Dere have a slight strain in their relationship because he idolizes his father, who left the family to pursue his love of music. And then so did Quentin. And Quentin’s not fond of Ma’Dere’s new beau Joe (Delroy Lindo) who’s actually lived with her in the family home for years, but when Quentin’s around, they pretend otherwise. Sister Lisa (Regina King) might have something to say about it – she usually does, about everything, she’s the self-declared caretaker and know-it-all of the family – but this year she’s a little preoccupied with her own failing marriage. And guess what? The rest of the kids are struggling too: one keeps switching majors and never graduating, one owes an awful lot of money and is about to be visited by some knee-busting bookies, one is secretly married (to a white lady!)…well, you get the point. Just your typical warm and fuzzy Christmas – and actually, I mean that sincerely. Because everybody’s got something. You, me, and the secret white wife. We’re all dealing with our own shit, and then stepping on each other’s toes trying to deal with each other at Christmas. But the Whitfields are a nice family. They love each other. They cook together and dance in the living room and bicker over how big the tree is.

The cast (minus Chris Brown) goes a long way in making the Whitfield house feel like a home. They’re affectionate and snippy and get in each other’s space and business just like real siblings do when given time and eggnog. Lack of time + surplus of siblings = we only get to know about 4/6 of them as real people. The rest, plus spouses, kids, and hangers-on, just fill in the spaces of the house, making sure the dining room table gets fully extended (anyone else always get stuck lugging in the leaves? and also, why are they called leaves?) and the turkey gets picked to the bone. Ma’Dere’s house is as full as her heart and truthfully, I could have spent even longer at their hearth, chaos and all.

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish

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Sean has called this movie the Coyote Ugly of Christmas movies. Um. Coyote Ugly might be aspirational for this movie. But it’s kind of a funny statement for a film that tells you its biggest influence right in the title. And yet.

Kat (Laura Marano) is in fact both a Cinderella type AND a Violet (that’s Piper Perabo in Coyote Ugly, in case you’re wondering – yes I had to look it up) AND part elf. Kat is an aspiring singer-songwriter who works in Santa’s Village, dreaming big and biding her time until she turns 18. Meanwhile she lives with her step-mother and step-sisters, who are truly awful to her and make her do all the chores. But at work she’s falling for Santa, which is probably as weird a that sounds because at first they only know their costumed selves. But eventually Santa reveals himself to be Nick (Gregg Sulkin), the son of Mr. Winterbottom, the richest man in town. But Kat closely guards her true identity (though let’s be honest: it consists solely of a wig…Nick must be pretty dense), vowing only to reveal it at the charity gala. Of course, if you know the fairy tale, you know Kat’s “steps” aren’t about to let that happen.

The step-mother and step-sisters have excessively, wonderfully gaudy costumes and hair but the characters are so over-the-top there’s just no basis in reality and it’s hard to guess where on the spectrum the filmmakers were aiming for. And that’s if the cheaply-executed music videos and song & dance numbers (auto-tuned within an inch of their lives) sprinkled throughout don’t get you down. And then there’s the ball charity gala, which was clearly and achingly shot with so little budget they were forced use a high school auditorium for the set. And a very hokey elf dance can only mean that for all Mr. Winterbottom’s wealth, the man has no taste.

I can’t imagine any grown human being liking this movie, but Sulkin is cute enough that this movie may fit the bill for tween girls looking for some PG romance.

Chistmas With The Kranks

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There was a time, a very weird time, when Tim Allen was the king of Christmas. He played Santa Claus in two VERY big movies and then he tried to keep the ball rolling with this one, I guess, though it hasn’t exactly captured a coveted ‘Christmas classic’ slot.

Christmas With The Kranks is confusing. Let’s start with that. Luther (Allen) and Nora (Jamie Lee Curtis) Krank are opting out of Christmas this year. Their only daughter has gone to South America to join the Peace Corps so they’re unencumbered and just not motivated to go through the whole rigamarole. They’re going on a Caribbean cruise instead. Sound nice? Well you’re an idiot. For some reason, in this film, every single of one of the Kranks’ colleagues, friends, and neighbours shits all over them for daring to make this decision. You might believe that every person has the right to celebrate or not, but you’d be wrong, at least in the Kranks universe.

Here’s where it lost me: the movie itself is disgusted with Luther and Nora for their selfish decision. They’re called the KRANKS – they’re Scrooges and we’re not supposed to approve. And because they’re such Christmas-hating freaks, everyone in the movie feels entitled to bully them. Luther’s secretary shames him for his past gifts. Nora’s pastor judges her bikini body. The town devotes the entire front page of their newspaper to humiliating them (the entire front page! because they’re skipping Christmas!).The neighbours, led by busybody Vic Frohmeyer (Dan Aykroyd), pretty much make war. They wage a campaign on their house as if Christmas is not a choice. They harass poor Nora, they chase down her car, they do things I am 100% sure are chargeable offenses. Nora in particular is terrorized by them.

Which brings up something truly special: Christmas With The Kranks is a comedy. Jamie Lee Curtis plays it like it’s a Christmas-themed horror movie. Every single thing she does is over the top, manic, panic-stricken, terrified.

Someone rang the doorbell?

You suspect the boy scouts are gossiping about you?

The Christmas ham you prefer isn’t available?

But while Jamie Lee Curtis is delighting me with her wacky and unnecessary performance, her character is majorly bumming me out. Nora Krank is one of those characters who I hope only exists in movies: she lives solely to be a mother. Her whole life is her daughter – when the daughter is gone, Christmas is pointless, but when the daughter suddenly announces she’s coming home for Christmas with no notice whatsoever (rude!), Nora drops all previous plans (remember that once in a lifetime trip worth thousands of dollars?) to throw together a Christmas with no food or decorations or gifts or guests or time to prepare. Which is when their neighbours all band together to help them out and the Kranks eat crow, apologizing for their previous bad behaviour and thanking their neighbours for being so wonderful.

But, like: WHAT???? I’m so steamed that the neighbours not only don’t get their comeuppance but their inexcusable, illegal behaviour is for some reason validated??? I mean honestly, if they had behaved this way to a non-white family it would be a hate crime.

Christmas Survival

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This just in: holidays are stressful. Yours are probably easy peasy and filled with nothing but joy and bliss, but some people really struggle because: bills, over-scheduling, in-laws, forced merriment.

In this particular case, two sisters, Miranda (Gemma Whelan) and Lyla (Joely Richardson) and their families are going to try to endure a Christmas at their late parents’ run-down country home. Cars will be towed, pet turkeys named Mr. Gobbles may or may not make the ultimate sacrifice, ovens will not be hooked up in time anyway, arrests will be made, marriages will be in shambles, and at least one guest will have her hair lit on fire.

This year Christmas will be a work in progress, which is a euphemism for a series of unfortunate events. In fact, it’s such an unrelenting series of increasingly farcical events that it feels like an onslaught, and not a very happy or funny one.

Also known as Surviving Christmas With The Relatives, this film is itself to be survived. And seeing how you likely have your own little holiday scenario to survive, maybe this one is best skipped since the real thing is hard to beg out of. But if you think that perhaps you might feel just a teensy bit better knowing that someone (Miranda) has it worse, then Netflix has your back. Punish yourself, and say a little prayer for Mr. Gobbles.

Christmas Break-In

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Izzy’s parents forget to pick her up from school on the last day before Christmas break. A freak blizzard stuns the town and she gets snowed in, totally alone. At first it’s great, all skateboarding down stairs and impromptu rock concerts and eating vats of chocolate pudding. But then she’s less alone: Ray (Danny Glover), the school’s janitor/Izzy’s friend and guitar teacher, returns to keep her company but is simultaneously apprehended by the fugitive burglers who’d just decided to use the school as their pesonal bunker. So if you thought this sounded like a Home Alone rip-off before, Izzy’s about to go full Kevin McAllister on their asses.

Can a 9 year old girl take on a trio of grown-up criminals? When the criminals are the “ice cream truck bandits” yes, she sure can. And probably win too. Oh they talk pretty big, but it’s clear they’re a bunch of dunces. And they hired a bunch of dunces to portray them. Actual observable acting from the movie: one robber talks murder while menacingly biting a cookie toward his intended victim. You can’t make this up.

I don’t know how Danny Glover got mixed up in all of this, but I’m less surprised about Denise Richards, who clearly needs both the money and the attention. And when the screenwriter goes by the name “Spanky,” you can kind of guess how her name came up. The grown-ups are 10 000% the problem with this movie, though I’m not just talking actors. I would personally like to shake my head disappointedly at each and every person responsible for this shit excuse for a movie.

Anyway, this is a very weak photocopy of a nearly 30 (!) year old movie. How is this movie less edgy and less relevant than something that came out in 1990? The good news is, you can go ahead and watch Home Alone 10 times this holiday season, and watch Christmas Break-In 0 times in your entire life. Zero times! That is my gift to you. Ho ho ho.

Christmas with a Prince

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Pediatric doctor Tasha Mason (Kaitlyn Leeb) is very dedicated to the little patients on her ward, so she’s quite put out when a wealthy playboy displaces some of the kids to make room for his own private convalescence after a ski accident leaves him with a broken leg. Imagine her surprise when the wealthy mystery patient turns out to be none other than her childhood boarding school crush, Prince Alexander (Nick Hounslow).

Dr. Mason’s little brother Jeff (Josh Dean) also works on the ward as a nurse, and he and Prince Alexander have always been close, particularly so in the last year after the death of Alexander’s brother, leaving him the sole heir to his kingdom (currently ruled by his disapproving father, played by Charles Shaunghnessy). Jeff is the uneasy monkey in the middle, but soon Prince Alexander is winning over the kids as well – and not just by throwing money around, but by playing and engaging with them. Think Tasha can resist? Not for long, that’s for sure.

But when Tasha tries to step into his world, she suffers a lot of pushback – the King isn’t thrilled, but a conniving Russian princess who’d like to land Alexander for herself even less so. But Dr. Tasha isn’t a pushover, or a quitter. And there’s no better proof than a sequel, which fans can watch at their leisure, possibly even back to back!