Author Archives: Jay

Last Love

This movie is kind of a chore. Supposedly it’s about going on with life after the death of a loved one, but 3 years after Matthew Morgan (Michael Caine) loses his wife, he’s still puttering around Paris like a lost puppy dog and it’s uncomfortable to watch and also kinda boring.lastlove

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” – and just like that, a young lady appears in the picture, the lovely Clémence Poésy as Pauline, and is either the crack or the light. Repeat a vaunted Leonard Cohen lyric enough and I’ll almost start to believe this movie doesn’t suck. Almost.

Michael Caine just can’t keep his shit together. His American accent is a joke. He’s a dick who keeps correcting the french when they make attempts to communicate with him, yet hasn’t bothered, in all his time in Paris, to even learn basic vocabulary in their language.  In the middle of mopey, maudlin crap you cringe and laugh at his unintentionally funny stumbles through languages, both pigeon french and his supposedly-native English. And since he can’t really commit to his lines, there’s just no point here. His kids sweep in, Gillian Anderson and Justin Kirk, and do absolutely nothing to revive the film. Nothing can save it. It’s painful.

22 Jump Street

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are just so fun together.22_Jump_Street_3

There’s nothing ground-breaking going on here but the good news is, here’s a sequel that won’t make you hate the original. It brings back almost exactly what you loved about the first movie, capitalizing on the bromantic chemistry between the two leads, and not confusing the audience with fresh writing, original scenarios, or new jokes.

Tatum has a big, innocent smile that make stupid look good. Hill milks the socially awkward thing for all it’s worth, usually taking it a step beyond what most people would find reasonable or comfortable and pulling it off because no one flounders quite as endearingly as he does. These two are making interesting career choices but they know what’s bankable and this franchise certainly is.

Just as self-referential as the first was (the directors risk nothing, replicate everything), you still can’t help but fall for it all, needless as it may be. It’s zany and implausible but if you’re not laughing, something’s wrong with you.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

TMNT 2014 is an awful movie that also happens to be the most-watched movie by families at home right now. We sat through it out of morbid curiosity and wished we hadn’t, but a certain nostalgia was at play for Sean, who loved the original as a kid.tmnt

We found the original Turtles on Netflix last night and again, a whim was indulged. I’m not going to review this for you, because it’s a movie where grown men play teenaged turtles. In costumes. That talk with New York accents but say California surfer dude things. Oh, and they’re ninjas, trained by a huge rat named Splinter that took 3 puppeteers to control and who looks a little like my Yorkie, Fudgie.

It’s not great, but Sean had very fond memories of it that were sullied by this re-watching. I recently wrote about my own experience watching Annie for the first time in at least two decades, and how it didn’t measure up to my memory either. So instead of reviewing the movie, I’m asking you about your own experience – have you ever had a childhood memory tarnished? Ever loved a movie as a kid and then hated it as an adult? Not all movies age well, and not all people do either! I suppose it’s inevitable that some movies will lose their magic, and I suppose it’s just as possible that some movies never had it, they just had little fans with rosier eyeglasses.

Annie (1982)

Because an Annie reboot is in theatres right now, I thought an Annie refresher was in order – and was shocked to learn that neither Sean nor Matt had ever seen it in the first place. I assured them it was a classic that may have eluded them in their childhoods but needed to be seen tout Annie-filmde suite.

So I’m going to write it now, in bold: I was wrong. This is not a good movie. I don’t know how or why I had such warm fuzzy feelings about it. Sure the little red curls are cute (a wig!) and I’m sure I fell for the scruffy dog named after my mother, but only a song and a half are decently hummable, and Carol Burnett’s Miss Hannigan feels wildly inappropriate. Not to mention the weirdly racist Punjab character, who wears a turban and can move things with his mind.

Jack Nicholson was originally cast as Daddy Warbucks, and Drew Barrymore auditioned to be Annie. Would that have made any difference? Because my biggest complaint with this movie is th at it’s just not that charming. I was rather bored by it. I can’t imagine what about this movie inspired someone to want to make another, but I admit I’m at least curious to find out how much has changed. Surely Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan must be a nicer, soberer creature, less prone to child exploitation and flimsy underclothes? And I’m praying that no one ever has to refer to Jamie Fox as “Daddy.”

Critics don’t seem to have liked this new one (or the old one, for that matter), but the box office tells another story. The first Annie also did pretty well in theatres, was the tenth-highest grossing film of 1982, which still wasn’t enough to make a profit considering its bloated budget. I haven’t been bored enough to get to the 2014 version yet but when I do, you’ll be the first to hear.

Hector and the Search for Happiness

Simon Pegg plays a psychiatrist who just burns out. One day he’s fine and the next he’s lost patience with his patients’ whining, with his hum-drum relationship, with his life in general and cannot shake that faux-naive question right there in the title of the movie: is he happy?

hectorhappinessSo off he goes, without really doing much self-examination, to “find” happiness, because maybe it’s hiding in China! He’s going to Eat, Pray, Love himself around the world (or, you know, pit stops in Africa and America, which is pretty much the world, right?) having crazy adventures and learning lessons (and just in case you missed those lessons, which are always stated clearly, they’re also written down AND illustrated! Stick, meet head).

I sort of liked the premise of this movie, because, spoiler alert: most of the Assholes (the exception being Sean) are also therapists, and what mental health professional doesn’t wonder about some magic formula for happiness? But none of us have ever gone on a worldwide treasure hunt for it, and I feel I could have saved Hector a lot of frequent flyer miles if only I could tell him: happiness is a choice you make right here at home.

But anyway. Hector’s not really trying to save his patients from unhappiness, he’s trying to heal himself (he just may not know it). So he must encounter lots of heavy-handed obstacles and predictably overcome them (with banners of terrible self-help platitudes earned like badges), and then mawkishly relive them just to drive the point home.

The movie is well-cast: Simon Pegg is affable, Rosamund Pike is fairly ill-used, the wonderful Toni Collette pops up all too briefly, Christopher Plummer provides some laughs late in the film, and Stellan Skarsgard, whom I love without ever understanding why, provides a bit of a counter-balance to Hector’s gung-ho naiveté. But none of these people can save the movie from itself, or from its patronizing tone.

Oscar Nominations 2015 – Surprises & Snubs

The-Oscars-2014-logoHuge Snub: Where is The Lego Movie for Best Animated Feature? That’s crazy. What the hell did the Academy even watch this year? It’s hard to wrap our minds around this one, but here’s what I’ve understood so far: in this category, only animators can vote for the nominations. They must watch all 20 Oscar contenders and then rate them. These people are voting not for the best movie that just happens to be animated (which The Lego Movie is) but the best-animated movie. They are traditionalists and artists who prefer artistry. They laud films like The Boxtrolls because it is done in the labour-intensive stop-animation style. The Lego Movie, on the other hand, mocks stop-animation. So, while that doesn’t make it fair, or right, that’s probably lost it for the Lego guys who can’t compete against small animation studios who are actually producing hand-drawn stuff.

Surprise: Whiplash for Best Picture. Well-deserved, I believe, I just wasn’t expecting to see it there.

Snub: Ava DuVernay should have gotten a best director nod for Selma.

Surprise: American Sniper for Best Picture. Does NOT deserve to be there.

Snub: Neither Ralph Fiennes nor David Oyelowo nominated for lead actor. List feels incomplete without them.

Surprise: Robert Duvall for supporting actor. Really?

 

The Grand Budapest Hotel and Birdman lead the pack with 9 nominations each and I’m super excited that both these offbeat, interesting movies have garnered so much attention. Disturbingly, the Academy seems more intent on honouring American Sniper, a movie about blind hero-worship than Selma, a movie that offers a hero worth worshipping.

Good news for Matt: you won’t have to sit through the Transformers movie!

Good news for Sean: two nominations for Guardians of the Galaxy!

Oscar Nominations 2015

Best actor in a supporting role Robert Duvall, The Judge \ Ethan Hawke, Boyhood \ Edward Norton, Birdman \ Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher \ JK Simmons, Whiplash

Original Screenplay Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo (Birdman) \ Richard Linklater (Boyhood) \ E. Max Frye and Dan Futterman (Foxcatcher) \ Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness (The Grand Budapest Hotel) \ Dan Gilroy (Nightcrawler)

Adapted Screenplay Jason Hall (American Sniper) \ Graham Moore (The Imitation Game) \ Paul Thomas Anderson (Inherent Vice) \ Anthony McCarten (The Theory of Everything) \ Damien Chazelle (Whiplash)

Makeup and Hairstyling  Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard (Foxcatcher) \ Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier (The Grand Budapest Hotel) \ Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White (Guardians of the Galaxy)

Costume Design Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel \ Mark Bridges, Inherent Vice \ Colleen Atwood, Into The Woods \ Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive, Maleficent \ Jacqueline Durran, Mr Turner

Original Score: Alexandre Desplat, The Grand Budapest Hotel \ Alexandre Desplat, The Imitation Game \ Hans Zimmer, Interstellar \ Gary Yershon, Mr. Turner \ Johann Johannson, The Theory of Everything

Foreign Language: Ida (Poland)  \ Leviathan (Russia) \ Tangerines (Estonia) \ Timbuktu (Mauritania) \ Wild Tales (Argentina)

Cinematography  Emmanuel Lubezki, Birdman \ Robert Yeoman, The Grand Budapest Hotel \ Lukasz Zal and Ryszard Lenczewski, Ida \ Dick Pope, Mr Turner \ Roger Deakins, Unbroken

Best Supporting Actress Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) \ Keira Knightley (The Imitation Game) \ Emma Stone (Birdman) \ Meryl Streep (Into The Woods) \ Laura Dern (Wild)

Best Actress Felicity Jones (The Theory Of Everything) \ Julianne Moore (Still Alice) \ Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl) \ Reese Witherspoon (Wild) \ Marion Cotillard (Two Days, One Night)

Best Actor Steve Carell (Foxcatcher) \ Bradley Cooper (American Sniper) \ Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game) \ Michael Keaton (Birdman) \ Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything)

Director: Alejandro G. Inarritu (Birdman) \ Richard Linklater (Boyhood) \ Bennett Miller (Foxcatcher) \ Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel) \ Morten Tyldum (The Imitation Game)

Best Picture American Sniper \ Birdman \ Boyhood \ The Grand Budapest Hotel \ The Imitation Game \ Selma \ The Theory of Everything \ Whiplash

It’s Oscar Nomination Day!

Directors Alfonso Cuarón and J.J. Abrams are announcing the first half of the nominations. This the-oscarsis the first time that ALL nominees will be announced at the podium (not just the celebrity-driven ones).

Cuarón most recently won Oscars for directing and editing “Gravity” and has also been nominated as producer for Best Picture (Gravity), Best Original Screenplay for “Y Tu Mamá También,” and Film Editing and Adapted Screenplay for “Children of Men.”

Animated Feature Film: Big Hero 6 \ The Boxtrolls \ How To Train Your Dragon 2 \ Song of the Sea \ The Tale of the Princess Kaguya

Documentary Feature: Citizenfour \ Finding Vivian Maier \ Last Days in Vietnam \ The Salt of the Earth \ Virunga

Documentary Short Subject: Crisis Hotline: Veterens Press 1 \ Joanna \ Our Curse \ The Reaper \ White Earth

Film Editing: American Sniper \ Boyhood \ The Grand Budapest Hotel \ The Imitation Game \ Whiplash

Original Song: Everything is Awesome, The Lego Movie \ Glory, Selma \ Grateful, Beyond the Lights \ I’m not Gonna Miss You, Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me \ Lost Stars, Begin Again

Production Design: The Grand Budapest Hotel \ The Imitation Game \ Interstellar \ Into the Woods \ Mr Turner

Animated Short Film: The Bigger Picture \ The Dam Keeper \ Feast \ Me and My Moulton \ A Single Life

Live Action Short Film: Aya \ Boogaloo and Graham \ Butter Lamp \ Parvaneh \ Phone Call

Sound Editing: Birdman\ Unbroken\ American Sniper \ The Hobbit: Battle of the 5 Armies \ Interstellar

Sound Mixing: American Sniper \ Birdman \ Interstellar \ Unbroken \ Whiplash

Visual Effects: Captain America: The Winter Soldier \ Dawn of the Planet of the Apes \ Guardians of the Galaxy \ Interstellar \ X-Men Days of Future Past

Inherent Vice, sort of

A movie theatre is like a womb. It’s dark and ambient, sound thrums from every side.

Including pre- and post-production, a film may take many months to complete, but for the sake inherentviceof argument, let’s say it takes, on average, nine. Not unlike pregnancy, the director has spent 9 months thinking about YOU – about how to tell you this story, how to appeal to you, how confront you, console you. She’s thought about your comfort and your attention span. She’s thought about what you need and what you want, and how much of either you can take. You spend an hour or two under her care and control, in a dark little cocoon, maybe learning something, maybe growing a little as a person. And then you come back out into the world, blinking at the sudden change in light, maybe wiping away some tears. If the film was any good, then you are reborn a slightly changed person.

There’s a slight adjustment that we all make upon exiting the theatre, transitioning from the director’s world where we’ve been immersed back into the real world where bladder concerns and a cold walk to the car need to be addressed. Yesterday evening Matt and I were at Landmark Cinemas taking in Inherent Vice, and upon our egress, I felt slightly off kilter. A man was sitting at a table, eating frozen yogurt and watching the theatre empty. “How was it?” he asked us, and for a couple of film reviewers we were oddly quiet. Sometimes you come out of the theatre mournful and needing a hug, other times jubilant and wanting to celebrate with a drink at Bier House or The 3 Brewers. And sometimes you come out needing time and space to digest what you’ve seen. You need to chew on it a bit before you can pronounce it good, or bad, or ugly.

That’s how I felt, and still feel, about Inherent Vice. Although not as impenetrable as Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master, I still feel like the movie was an inside joke to everyone who read the novel, and booey to those of us who hadn’t. I was lost a lot. There’s a lot of characters to keep track of, and so many story lines that PTA doesn’t even bother to wrap them all up. Matt and I laughed, but we laughed alone. There were maybe half a dozen other people at this early showing but if anyone else thought the movie was funny, they kept it to themselves.

But this movie isn’t meant to be watched in a conventional way and it’s not fair to judge it based on plot or logic or basic human understanding. But what then can I say? PTA’s story telling is bold, intuitive, and intentionally hazy. You aren’t meant to watch it in the typical linear fashion of the mainstream, with a start, a middle, and an end; you’re supposed to enjoy each meandering scene as it comes, pausing on the sun-dappled textures, nodding your head in much the same way Doc (Joaquin Phoenix) does throughout the movie. Can you let go and appreciate the lack of structure and cohesiveness?

This movie isn’t for everyone. Frozen yogurt guy, who solicited our opinion, was about to go in and see it himself. Said he picked it because it looked “different.” “It is!” I assured him. It really is.

Exodus: Gods and Kings

We’ve seen this story too many times to want yet another version if it doesn’t offer something new, and bearded Batman as the Leader of Men doesn’t really cut it. Sure Christian Bale’s intense, but that’s not the same as impassioned, and no amount of whispers and shouting will convince me that it is.

exodusRidley Scott has assembled a motley cast of actors for his biblical epic; almost everyone with a line is white, some parade around offensively in orange-face and eyeliner. The accents are varied and inconsistent. John Turturro looks like a drag queen during a “Walk Like an Egyptian” number. Sigourney Weaver looks lost. Aaron Paul, cast as Joshua, is hardly seen at all.

The two main characters, Moses and Ramses (Joel Edgerton) are raised as brothers but divided when one is made king of Egypt and the other declared saviour to the slaves when his Jewish ancestry is revealed. Unfortunately, the script fails utterly on both these two counts. We never see or understand Ramses’s motivation – he’s paranoid that Moses will usurp him, yet chooses exile rather than death for him based on an affection we never see proof of. Moses, meanwhile, learns that he was born into slavery rather than royalty, and that his life was spared because of a prophecy, yet we see no indication of any internal struggle, no transformation upon learning what must have been pretty shocking news.

The biggest problem is that Scott just doesn’t commit. The miracles aren’t allowed to just be miracles, they’re tempered, and rationalized, and diluted. I’m not even sure if Scott wants us to believe that Moses believes. You know, in God. Which is kind of a big detail. Even the big battle scenes are kind of blase because we’ve seen it all before, often in other Ridley Scott movies (hello, Gladiator!), and this time we just aren’t invested. I only felt bad about the horses.

The good news is, you can skip this movie quite easily, and there are better versions of the story out there. My favourite is DreamWorks’ The Prince of Egypt, full of joy and faith, starring a different Batman and a better-fitting cast of (nearly all-white) voice actors.