Tag Archives: holiday movies

The Christmas Waltz

Avery (Lacey Chabert) took dance lessons as a kid but without any natural talent she eventually gave it up, but she’s always dreamed of gliding across a floor, skirts flowing, safe in the arms of her partner. What better occasion to finally realize her dreams than her upcoming Christmas wedding? Fiancé David (Jeremy Guilbaut) isn’t nearly as enthusiastic, but that’s been his general tone throughout wedding planning. Still, Avery signs up for ballroom lessons and can’t wait to start.

She’s so excited about dancing that even when David announces that he’d rather take a promotion in another city than get married in 2 weeks, Avery still shows up for her lesson. Alone. Newly single. Wearing the wrong shoes.

Dance instructor Roman (Will Kemp, a classically trained dancer known as the James Dean of ballet), is handsome and charming and just the thing a freshly dumped woman needs. Except Avery is also very hard on herself and when she fails to immediately pick up the steps, she storms out, frustrated. Guys, she’s going through something, okay? This is the visual definition of ’emotional wreckage’ and she deserves some compassion.

Thanks to the wholesome magic of Hallmark, Avery returns to the dance studio, and to Roman’s hunky arms. She dances her sadness away, and the two waltz straight into love – at least until disgruntled ex-fiancé David returns and tries to reclaim both his lady and their wedding date.

What do you think?

Will Avery ever make that second left foot right?

Will you be overcome by the sheer cheesiness of seeing Avery and Roman dance down the street à la Singing in the Rain?

Can any script possibly reference Tavern on the Green this many times without getting paid to do so?

Will Roman’s dance partner somehow be prevented from dancing in the Christmas concert, forcing Avery to take her place?

Hallmark is all about the holidays and this year I’m all about embracing any genre of film that allows people some true escapism. Plus, Will Kemp does a mean Chaplin impression that’s impossible not to be charmed by.

Christmas She Wrote

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Kayleigh (Danica McKellar) writes an advice column for a newspaper in New York City but gets canned right before the holidays. Upside: she gets to go to California for Christmas this year, where her sister and niece live. Kayleigh is of course a big fan of the holidays. The new editor, Tripp (Dylan Neal), quickly comes to regret his decision (her readers love her!), and jets out to California as well, to convince her to come back (a man who can admit he’s wrong? Now you know you’re watching the pure fantasy of a Hallmark movie!).

Tripp doesn’t count on Kayleigh being pretty bitter though, bitter enough she starts writing a Christmas column for the small local paper instead, rebuffing Tripp’s offer, which is getting more and more desperate since his own boss has now told him in no uncertain terms that if he can’t get Kayleigh back, he needn’t come back himself.

In Hallmark tradition, the pair, who seem so at odds at the beginning of the film, seem destined to fall in love by the film’s end regardless. However, the man who once broke Kayleigh’s heart (not to mention their engagement – just two weeks before their Christmas Eve wedding) is back in town, and he’s looking awfully cute – and contrite.

Will Kayleigh be enticed back to New York? Will her Christmas column manage to find love for her sister Amy, or best friend Steven? How many Christmas romances for the price of one, you ask? Only at Hallmark, folks, and only at the holidays. Enjoy.

You Are My Home

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Alexandra (Eva Ariel Binder) goes through something most young American girls never will: when ICE shows up at her door, her mother suddenly disappears from her life, leaving Alex to fend for herself when a family friend is also apprehended. Social worker Sloane (Alyssa Milano) has seen an increase in these cases lately, and the local group homes are all full. That’s how Alex goes to live with Sloane’s friend Chloe (Angel Parker) for a while; it’s a temporary fix, but at least it’s a nice home with a warm bed where Alex will be safe while Sloane attempts to track down her mother and make other arrangements.

Chloe’s consent was pretty lackluster, but she’s got her reasons for that. She’s lived alone, and lonely, with the ghosts of her dead son and husband, for many years. Having a kid in the house again stirs up a lot of tough memories, and she doesn’t always react well to them. Meanwhile, Alex is also understandably acting out. And just when the two start to warm up to each other, something else comes along to knock them for a loop. And so close to Christmas!

This movie has a Hallmark Christmas movie feel to it, with a slight social justice touch that occasionally feels a little forced. The budget is low and so is the quality, and the corniness robs it of its tearjerker power (or it did for me, and I’m a crier). I didn’t love this movie. It’s trying just a little too hard with too little, but its heart is in the right place, and families separated by invisible borders is a tragedy that could use a little light.

A Cheerful Christmas

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Lauren (Erica Deutschman) and Colleen (Tianna Nori) have found a way to channel their mutual love of Christmas into a career: Christmas coaching! Between you and me, Christmas coaching seems terribly seasonal and not a great business model for year-round solvency, but it would defeat the purpose of a Hallmark movie to think too deeply about their business’s viability so let’s just pretend this makes sense as a career move. And in that spirit, we’ll also gloss over the fact that just days before Christmas they have no clients. I mean, if nothing else, it’s terribly convenient to the plot that when the “aristocratic” Anderson family engages their services, Lauren is extremely available to devote her entire season to their home. It’s a little unorthodox – usually she’d prefer to to coach people, but the home owners are overseas and have simply left her a list to deck their halls and plan a party for their return. Their son James (Chad Connell) is around but buried under work and dismissive of holiday merry making.

Poor Lauren has to make do with housekeeper Joyce (Jennifer Vallance), who’s warmer anyway, and a readier source of family tradition and expectation. Colleen finally has a client or two of her own, so Lauren and James are alone together a lot of the time, and Lauren’s persistence is pretty legendary. She badgers him into reliving some happy childhood memories and soon they’re bonding over the spirit of the season. It starts to look like the magic of Christmas may have worked its way into their hearts when an obstacle presents itself, and her name is Maryam.

Will Lauren fist fight Maryam for James’ heart? How many vintage hats will be sacrificed to snowmen? Answer these burning questions and maybe even see them skate down the Rideau Canal, identifiably the world’s largest skating rink, even though the film is not set in Ottawa. Who doesn’t want Christmas cheer forced upon them? All this and more, guaranteed by Hallmark, and presented by your favourite Assholes. `

Angela’s Christmas Wish

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Two years after we first met her, little Angela, an Irish lass living in the very early 20th century, is still known in her little town for having stolen the baby Jesus from the church’s nativity scene. It was pretty innocent, as far as thefts go; she only thought he looked cold lying there in his manger, and took him home to make him warm and cozy.

Nowadays the baby Jesus has a very nice knit sweater to keep him warm, but Angela still visits him in the church to pray and ask for help. With Christmas fast approaching, Angela has her eye on a fancy dolly in the storefront window, but her family is still largely impoverished despite her father having left for work in Australia over two years ago. Setting aside their own interests, Angela and brother Pat decide to use their Christmas wish to bring their father home – or rather, to go and get him. When digging to Australia doesn’t work, they start busking for a train ticket. Their plan is not the most efficient, but their hearts are in the right place.

Is there any chance that Angela’s family will find happiness this holiday? You’ll have to watch to find out. The characters are based on the writing of Frank McCourt. The animation is as sweet as it sounds. And at just 47 minutes, it’s a great little watch for a special pre-bedtime treat with the kids.

Just Another Christmas

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It’s like Groundhog Day, but for masochists.

Jorge (Leandro Hassum) hates Christmas. Officially it’s because he shares his birthday with the baby Jesus, and he’s a pretty bad sport about it. Even though he’s a fully grown man now. But he also seems to hate everything else about the holiday too: the food, the gifts, the family. THE FAMILY. Fair to say it’s pretty irksome when he develops some sort of Groundhog Day disorder – or at least that’s the movie they’d love to be compared to. In fact, Jorge is not doomed to repeat the same day over and over; he’s merely only living on Christmas now. That sounds weird, and it is, but the Jorge we know wakes up and it Christmas morning. He’s technically lived a full year between each Christmas, but he never remembers it. He’s aged a year, and so have his wife and kids. It’s a weird amnesia and the Jorge who “wakes” up each Christmas doesn’t approve of the Jorge who makes decisions all year long. That Jorge doesn’t seem to share his same values and priorities, and “living” only one day a year seems to have really put things into perspective for him.

Jorge is not exactly a likeable guy so it’s hard to root for, or know what we’re rooting for. Plus, Brazilian comedy seems to be a little…obnoxious. Leandro Hassum is like Gerard Depardieux at his worst, and even his best is pretty intolerable.

Since Jorge only “wakes up” on (or remembers) Christmas, it’s not exactly a great time to get vital information as to his condition. His wife and kids are busy with preparations, and hosting parties, so we never the full picture. We just wake up as disoriented as he is, and try to piece together what’s happened over the last year based on how things have subtly changed since last Christmas.

It’s an interesting-ish premise but I didn’t enjoy its execution. Hassum is one of those people who confuses yelling with acting. It’s hard to pick up any emotional nuance when everything is shouted. And this particular conceit isn’t exactly condusive to personal growth. Even if he does manage to learn a lesson during this 16 hours of Christmassing, his other self won’t remember it come Boxing Day and will spend the whole year undoing any progress that’s been made. It’s a pointless exercise and it’s not even entertaining to watch. Verdict: sleep through it.

It’s like Groundhog Day, but for masochists.

The Christmas Cottage

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Lacey (Merritt Patterson) doesn’t necessarily believe in the same superstitions that her best friend Ava does, but since Ava’s the bride and Lacey the maid of honour, she’s going to decorate the heck out of the Christmas Cottage for Ava’s wedding night. Ava’s family have believed for generations that any couple who spends the night in the Christmas Cottage together will enjoy love everlasting – and they’ve got the long and happy marriages to prove it!

It’s not a great time to drop everything and devote an entire weekend to a wedding – the design firm Lacey co-owns with boyfriend Roger has a really big client on the hook but their proposal needs some last minute tweaks. Lacey is a workaholic so instead of taking the weekend off, she decides to juggle both, not counting on two very important factors. First, the best man, Ean (Steve Lund), who is both Ava’s brother and Lacey’s ex. And second, the blizzard that snows them in while they’re dutifully decorating the honeymoon suite as ordered. Imagine snow in Oregon at Christmas! It sure takes both Lacey and Ean by surprise, who are then forced to spend the night together in – yes that’s right! – the Christmas Cottage, the very one that forces people to love each other eternally against their will!

There’s no hanky panky in a Hallmark movie, unless you count tenderly draping afghans over each other when one inevitably falls asleep before the other after confessing their true heart’s desire without the benefit of a single drop of alcohol. It’s the magic of Hallmark. Meanwhile, the magic of Christmas may just be working its way into the hearts of Lacey and Ean, despite their rocky past. But aren’t they just too different to work? And doesn’t Lacey still have a boyfriend, not to mention a work thing?

All of these burning issues and more will be resolved before the film’s end, should you care to indulge.

A Cookie Cutter Christmas

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Is this the most ludicrous and offensive Hallmark movie plot ever? Check this and vote: two adult females, educated, employed school teachers, are so embroiled in a petty rivalry, one they’ve apparently nurtured since childhood, that when they’re both attracted to the same man, they turn a winter festival that’s supposed to be about the kids into their own bet-settling, bake-off showdown.

Although both these women sound equally pathetic, the script clearly plays favourites. Christie (Erin Krakow) is the one we’re supposed to root for. And the man she’s chasing, James (David Haydn-Jones), is the father of a new student in her class. Is that not…professionally if not morally unethical? Conflict of interest? Asking for trouble? A fireable offense? Penny (Miranda Frigon) teaches literally across the hall from her, so even their class raffle ticket sales become contentious, and may I just point out that they teach the SECOND GRADE. Anyway, Hallmark scripts are way too prim and proper to come out and say this, so I will for them: Penny is a real bitch.

I don’t know what’s so great about James, but Christie and Penny both throw themselves at him, and when that doesn’t result in any immediate, clear-cut winner, the bake-off scheme somehow becomes their method of settling things. The only problem is, Penny is a good baker and Christie doesn’t bake at all. She’s got only a couple of days to learn, to develop her own recipes, and to win not one but four different events, each of them judged by Alan Thicke. Or, well, Alan Thicke playing local restaurateur Chef Kroeger, who takes the daintiest bites of cookie you’ve ever seen, and still feels fit to judge the thing based on mere crumbs. A marriage is at stake here, Alan!

The rules of Hallmark clearly state that leading ladies are always fully covered, throat to knees (calves preferred, ankles optional); the clothes are ultra conservative, and usually topped with a cardigan, topped with a Christmas broach. Even Penny plays by these rules, but she does wear (the same) pair of 6 inch heels throughout the movie – yes, even while teaching. Six inch heels are clearly Hallmark for slut. Christie wears heels also, like a good little lady, but hers are at a modest height befitting a marriageable young woman of good breeding and virtue. Added bonus: they’re all the better for dramatically ripping off stupid whore garland from the Christmas tree when it fails to nail down a husband (Hallmark logic!), garland of course being the 6 inch heels of Christmas trees.

A movie like this probably sets feminism back at least a baker’s dozen years, and worse still, it sullies the good name of cookies, which, I assure you, are merely the innocent bystanders of this train wreck.

Christmas with the Darlings

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Jessica Lew (Katrina Law) is just about the best executive assistant the Darlington corporation has ever seen, though she’ll soon be one of their best lawyers instead. However, before she makes her career switch official, she resolves to do one last task for boss Charles, and it’s a big one. His orphaned nieces and nephew are coming to live with him, but he’ll be in Europe over the Christmas holidays. Rather than sending them off to boarding school, she decides to take them in herself. It’s a pretty selfless act, but no one’s all that surprised – Jess is a giver, she’s always liked helping people. The big surprise, though, is that Charles’ little brother Max (Carlo Marks) returns home to help out. His life is mostly one long ski vacation, and he’s rarely seen at home or at the family business.

Turns out, uncle Max contains multitudes, or, you know, the 3 basic facets of any Hallmark Christmas movie man: generosity, warmth, and consideration. Sure he was an après-ski playboy last night; today, he’s family-oriented, charming, and kind. Plus, his back story is tinged with just enough tragedy to firmly erase the scuffs and stains of his past.

I love this Hallmark concept that every “most eligible bachelor” is just waiting to step into a ready-made family if one should present itself. Turns out, he was secretly intelligent and ambitious all along, he was just saving his best self so that when the perfect woman crossed his path, he’d be able to surprise her with his top secret suitability. Seven days or less: that’s all it takes for a Hallmark couple to fall in love, and when I say fall in love, I mean, marry, adopt children, drastically alter their personal lives, and commit to spending their eternal lives together, starting with this one deeply meaningful Christmas ornament they picked up at this little greeting card store in the mall.

Also, not for nothing, but god I’d love to walk through the Hallmark wardrobe department. It must house dozens, probably hundreds, of perfect pea coats in the most Christmassy shades of red. In Hallmark movies, everyone is always dressed like they’re about to pose for a Christmas card photo, but the leading lady does it best, and always has an elegant red coat, with perfect, cute but not too cute accessories, everything coordinated and merry, and likely pulled together with a Christmas-themed broach. Hallmark ladies love Christmas so much they start dressing like Mrs. Claus in their 20s, and their handsome, rich suitors always find it eerily fetching. There is a power to those red coats, it cannot be understated.

The Christmas Chronicles 2

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In the first The Christmas Chronicles, Kate and brother Teddy had recently lost their father. With their mom covering an overnight shift at the hospital, the kids are alone on Christmas Eve, and devise a trap to catch Santa on tape once and for all. But their trap works a little too well and they soon find themselves on his sleigh and on a pretty epic adventure.

Two years later, Kate (Darby Camp) and Teddy (Judah Lewis) find themselves on the beaches of Mexico for Christmas, courtesy of mom’s (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) new boyfriend Bob. Kate isn’t thrilled to about a tropical Christmas but she’s even less enthused about her mom tarnishing dead dad’s memory with a new guy. That’s why she resolves to run away, which unfortunately plays right into the plans of disgraced elf Belsnickel (Julian Dennison), who uses Kate (and Bob’s son Jack) as bait to distract Santa while he makes off with the star that powers all of Santa’s Christmas magic. Big disaster. Huge. Now Santa (Kurt Russell) and Kate will be off on a sleigh-riding, time-traveling adventure while Jack (Jahzir Bruno) and Mrs. Claus (Goldie Hawn) defend Santa’s village from an onslaught of evil elves.

This movie is basically a nerf gun aimed right into the hearts of children and when it hits, it delivers a dose of holiday cheer and joy that’s undeniable. In sequel mode, this one has a little more razzle dazzle and a little less natural charm and sparkle than the first, but it’s still a good, clean, fun time for the whole family. Kurt Russell is a hot Santa who injects more than a little Elvis into the jolly old guy, donning sunglasses and swiveling his hips to belt out another show-stopping tune once again. And rather happily we see much more of Goldie Hawn, who brings her own twinkle to the mix, sweet but pro-active, not exactly the passive knitter in a rocking chair Mrs. Claus is often made out to be.

The Christmas Chronicles 2 is wonderfully, effortlessly cheerful. It has great acting and its attention to detail surpasses even the first, for a glossy look that feels, well, merry and bright. And if it is perhaps pandering and slightly disjointed, well, at least it knows its audience. The exploding gingerbread cookies, gravity gloves, dance breaks, flying jackotes ( jackal-coyote hybrids that look more like giant, extra-inbred pugs), and crossbow battles will all be very well-received by young audiences tuning in to get a second look at this Santa guy who’s so much cooler than the one at the mall. And who can blame them? He is pretty great and I count myself rather unashamedly among his fans.