I contemplated going with a one-word review here: sophomoric. Sophomoronic. It’s another piece of shit put together too-quickly by Adam Sandler and friends as part of his Netflix package deal where they gave him millions and he gave them movies he seems to invent as he goes in about 3 days flat. Although I doubt this one’s as bad as as his previous abortion, The Ridiculous Six, it’s also not much better. These are way below the bar of Adam’s regular movies, so you know it’s a low, low standard of fare being offered here. Low. Super low.
Like here’s Adam Sandler’s last theatre-released movie, Pixels. Pretty shit movie actually, but not the worst thing ever made.
And lower than that: a romance that makes you barf in your mouth it’s so damned cheesy and stereotypical.
And underneath that: movies where people are battling sharks, or sharks are battling nature, or nature is battling some other super scary sea creature.
Even lower: films where foreign characters are played with racist enthusiasm by white people.
Even lower: movies starring Johnny Depp made this century.
Lower: super hero movies ruined by Josh Trank.
Lower still: found-footage films made by 8th graders.
And then: the footage from any 3 random colonoscopies.
Finally: Adam Sandler’s Netflix movies.
So there. You’ve been warned. But instead of just telling you to stay away, I’m going to fulfill some of my community service obligations by giving you a short list of stuff that’s way more worthy, and available on Netflix right now.
Requiem For The American Dream: Four years worth of discourse with Noam Chomsky on the defining characteristic of our time – the deliberate concentration of wealth and power in the hands of a select few.
Autism In Love: A documentary that follows the love-lives of 4 people, complicated (and sometimes not) by their autism.
Dope: Life changes for Malcolm, a musically-inclined geek who’s surviving life in a tough neighborhood, after a chance invitation to an underground party leads him and his friends into a scary Los Angeles adventure.
A Single Man: An English professor is barely coping with life a year after the sudden loss of his boyfriend. Colin Firth at his melancholic best.
Eagle vs Shark: New Zealand’s sense of humour is among the best, and Taika Waititi is one of my favourite film makers. This one is astoundingly funny, about a woman who falls in love with a loser.
Short Term 12: Brie Larson before the Oscar, but just as Oscar-worthy, about a young woman who works in a group home. Tough fucking job.
Force Majeure: A real conversation piece. When a family on a ski vacation suffers a near-death experience and the father doesn’t quite live up to expectations, everyone’s disillusioned.
Two Days One Night: Marion Cotillard has not very long (guess HOW long!) to try to save her job before it throws her family into a desperate situation.
Philomena: Brilliantly acted by both Steve Coogan and Judi Dench, an elderly woman tries to locate the baby she gave up to adoption many years ago.
The Boxtrolls: Lovely stop-motion animation. A young orphaned boy raised by underground cave-dwelling trash collectors tries to save his friends from an evil exterminator.
Fruitvale Station: Cops killing black people for no damn reason. Deeply emotional. Michael B. Jordon establishes himself as a star.
Beginners:A youngish man (Ewan McGregor) is shocked by two announcements from his elderly father (Christopher Plummer): that he has terminal cancer, and that he’s gay.
Amelie: You’ve probably already seen it, and should probably see it again. Total whimsy. Amelie is an innocent who decides to help those around her and, even if she herself may need help too.
Boy: Another one by Taika Waititi because I couldn’t resisit and really, why should I? Boy is an 11 year old Michael Jackson fan who gets to know his criminal father when he returns home to retrieve buried treasure.
The Queen of Versailles: One of my favourite documentaries about the 1% – specifically a couple trying to build the biggest single-family home ever but then the recession hits and things get awkward.
What are your favourite Netflix recommendations? Feel free to leave relevant links in the comments! Let’s work together, film community, to make sure nobody has to sit through this movie. We can do it!
Some other great recommendations:
Europa Report
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HAH! Thanks for this. Yes I will glady Netflix one of those other films. I didn’t know Amelie was on Netflix!
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True story!
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Why oh why would you watch any movie starring Adam Sandler made post Good Daddy? He is banished from my site – nice article though haha
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Banished, eh?
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Aha jokes. Seriously though, Adam Sandler can fuck off.
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I’ve seen some work done by some 8th graders. It’s not all that bad. Still, much better than an Adam Sandler movie.
No Netflix recommendations. I don’t have Netflix…
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There is only one Adam Sandler movie you should be watching on there and it’s called Punch-Drunk Love.
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Oh yeah, that one gets me in the feels!
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Jay,
You’ve got a nice rack of alternatives…especially sweet to see you drop the 15 year old Amelie into the stew. Keep cooking…. 🙂
RR
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Why not, eh? Rewatching a good film is a heck of a lot better than watching a stinker any day!
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I’ve probably watched Amelie 20 times 🙂
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And they’ve also got His Girl Friday which I’m stoked about, and that’s a smidge older, I believe 😉
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I was seriously JUST about to watch this movie.
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The only time I laughed during the ENTIRE MOVIE was when Nick Swardson got hit by a car. And I think I was just glad someone else was feeling the pain too. I’d like to watch anyone responsible for this film get hit by a car!
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Hey Jay, nice formatting. What’s up with your enter key, is it on strike?
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So is this movie equal to the bullshit movies by Michael Bay and those awful parody movies by Friedberg/Seltzer like Epic Movie or…. is it worse?
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I have never seen a single parody movie, and I hope to keep it that way.
Being married to man with bad taste, however, means that I see nearly every Michael Bay atrocity, but I’ve stopped calling them movies at all, and I now refer to them as commercials, which I think is basically right anyway.
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You’re correct actually. His films are commercials as it features this product and that product and this product and that product. It’s bad enough I see commercials on TV and on the Internet. Do I need to see it in a fucking movie? Man, he belongs in that same circle of hell with the likes of the Kartrashians and Donald Trump.
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Yes, I thought fit to include him in this lineup:
https://assholeswatchingmovies.com/2016/05/22/product-placement/
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There are plenty of fantastic foreign films on Netflix that probably never get seen. Two I saw recently came to mind, Phoenix (a dramatic thriller set in 1940s) and The Dark Valley (an Austrian Western w/ a German-speaking American cowboy, nuff said). But man, pretty much ANYTHING on Netflix is better than most Adam Sandler movies.
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Agreed. So why then did Netflix make this agreement with him? He’s turning them over awfully quick.
And as for foreign films, I just saw one that I saw at a film festival last fall, The Girl King, was there as well.
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The ranking!! Seriously, am dying!! Lmao! Colonoscopies then Adam sander movies? Lol!
Love the recommendations. Verrrrry helpful!!
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All great movie choices in this list! I especially love Beginners and have been meaning to re-watch it. It was one of my favorites of that year 🙂
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But I LOVE Adam Sandler Netflix movies!!!!!!! (not!)
Lovely post as ever Jay 🙂 haha @ found footage made by 8th graders !!!
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Hahaha! So… Are you saying that the Adam Sandler Netflix films are no good? Damn. I’m shocked. ; ) Thanks for the link! You’ve reminded me just how good Beginners was. Ohhh – I hope Dope is on UK Netflix as well. Probably not. I badly want to see that. : )
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They’re never there when you want them to be! And yes, I need to re-watch Beginners myself.
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I honestly don’t have Netflix anymore, because I already have watched both seasons of Daredevil and until season 2 of Jessica Jones comes on. I have very little interest in the service. As for The Do Over, I might give that one a shot. It looks like early Adam Sandler action comedies like Bulletproof. Now if you excuse me. Im about to watch a found footage movie about a group Russian Black teens (played by Japanese French men). Who haft to battle a group of sharks pestering a group of girls at a beach they want to ask out to the prom.
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Oh my god, MUST SEE THIS MOVIE.
And for the record, I love Bulletproof. I own Bulletproof. If it was anywhere near that I’d be happy.
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I nominated you for an awesome blogging thingy: https://ragingfluff.wordpress.com/2016/05/30/awesome
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I didn’t realize Sandler had a deal with Netflix, but it makes sense now. I saw this advertised on Netflix last night and was surprised that he made another shitty film. Great recommendations though. Especially Two Days, One Night!
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I still think it’s crazy he’s churning them out this quickly, but why not, I guess. He just calls up his buddies and you know – I hope they’re having some nice vacations out of this.
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Adam Sandler is the worst nowadays, but I don’t think I’ll ever fall out of love with Happy Gilmore! Sad but true.
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Oh I know, I will always be faithful to his old stuff. I feel like I’ve apologized for him for too long and he can either win me back or I’m moving on.
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You have no idea how much I want your life! Watch movies and Netflix and write about it. If you weren’t so damn adorable, I might troll you.
I’ve only seen Philomena, The Boxtrolls, and Amelie on your list. I have so much to do and I am still only on season two of Scandal! UGH
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Well sometimes I watch movies in the theatre, or at the drive-in, or at a festival, or outdoors! So not just Netflix. But yeah, a lot of Netflix. A lot of movies, period.
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I love your list, Jay. You made me laugh so much! I love “The Wedding Singer”.
And I should watch Amelie again. Thank you! 🙂
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I love The Wedding Singer too. I love Adam & Drew together. How could you not?
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They seem to have fun together 🙂
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Yes, I’ll always admire Adam for that – he always hires his friends, and they must enjoy going on group vacations together, family -friendly, while getting paid!
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The perfect job! 🙂
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Haha! Marvellous. I have no idea why Sandler is churning these out … surely can’t be thinking money is better than, eh, … his reputation for making below par movies …
Turbokid is worth checking out. That’s on Netflix. As is Seagal’s Absolution. Honestly. That’s one of Seagal’s better recent efforts.
… maybe Seagal should do a deal with Netflix!
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I will definitely keep my eye out for Turbokid, so thanks for that. I had heard good things but forgotten it. The Seagal recommendation is hilarious – and you know Sean will be all too eager to take you up on it, so I feel I should “thank” you in advance for that treat! 😉
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Turbokid is definitely worth setting aside the time for. It was a rare treat.
As for Seagal, no thanks required – you’re very welcome … 🙂
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I shot an as-of-yet unreleased film called The Do-Over that had to be retitled to avoid confusion with this Adam Sandler flick. Sound like we made the right choice.
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Ha, by far!
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That ranking was awesome.
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“And then: the footage from any 3 random colonoscopies.”
Hey, my colonoscopy footage didn’t look too bad. They woke me up for the last few meters of the great harbour tour and let me have a peek into myself. I was surprised how clean and shiny and well lit it’s in there. =^.^=
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Another wannabe movie critic.
This movie was pretty decent. You just want to go with the flow on hating Adam, he have really good movies and is a extremely good comedian.
Try to watch reign over me. Not a comedy btw.
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