Category Archives: Jay

Men, Women & Children

Just when you thought Jason Reitman could do no wrong, along comes Men, Women & Children, 2014’s movie we loved to hate.MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN

But why did critics pan it and audiences avoid it? It’s not really an objectionable premise: a bunch of teenage kids, and their square parents, realize that the internet is colouring and changing their interactions and relationships on every level. It’s got a big cast of talented people. But it all just feels so sad. So infinitely sad.

men-women-and-children-movieThe characters are all connected but the movie feels disconnected.  As a necessity, everyone’s reacting to their screens and not to each other. The internet’s destroying us! – not exactly an original idea –  but Reitman goes at it ambitiously, and vehemently.

For a script about technology, which is rooted firmly in the now, from a director who’s usually fairly with-it (witty teenage abortion with Juno, recession fallout in Up in the Air), this movie feels awfully stodgy and seems to miss the point. Plus, every single scenario, each character in the movie, exists not to tell a story but to tell a cautionary tale, one that will bash you over the head with its obviousness.

But the biggest crime that Reitman commits is that he fails to see that all of this internet-is-evil menwomenchildrenproof on offer in this film actually makes the opposite case. Eating disorders predate cellphones. Cheating on your spouse came before the internet. Exploiting children? Adolescent heartbreak? Parents worrying about teenagers? All very possible even without the help or the hindrance of technology. The weird thing about this movie is that the greatest evil seems to be when technology’s in the hands of the parents, not the kids. They’re the ones making the biggest mistakes, and shouldn’t they be the ones to know better?

Jason Reitman took a big swing here, but he missed by a mile.

 

Penguins of Madagascar

Sidekicks can steal the show – just ask the minions of Despicable Me,  and now, belatedly, the Penguins of Madagascar, in their very own spy thriller!penguinsmadagascar

The movie opens on a March of the Penguins-like origin story for this band of ragamuffins, and a documentary film crew (voiced brilliantly, in part, by Werner Herzog!)  show them to be, let’s say, more bumbling than brilliant. This proves true once they’re grown as well – they escape the circus from the last movie but land themselves right in the hands of a nemesis they didn’t know they had (John Malkovich), an old zoo-mate from their Central Park days. This nemesis, also known as “Dave”, has it out for penguins in general and these ones in particular – their cuteness took the crowds away from his own zoo exhibit and he’s been harbouring a grudge ever since. The penguins seem to be in a little over their heads but an agency called the North Wind (a wolf voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, a neurotic polar bear, a sarcastic seal, and a sexy snow owl) swoops in to take over the rescue operation.

penguinsofThe traditional animation isn’t ground-breaking and the story’s not exactly scintillating, but I can see how this will work for kids. It’s full of fun visuals, simple puns, and wacky sight gags -“Melons, dead ahead!” It’s very hard not to have fun watching this movie, and if you’re a littlun all sugared up on snack bar, all the better – the pace is frenetic! I’m not sure it has much to keep adults captivated – too silly and earnest – but you should at least be able to sit through it with the kids. And if you’re missing King Julien, then just sit through about half a Pitbull song (if there’s a better musical representation for this empty-but-flashy animation, I don’t know it) during the credits, and whoop, there he is.

 

 

 

Annie (2014)

I hate to beat a dead horse but.

This is a very dead horse. And with such potential! I thought refreshing Annie’s story, bringing annie2014her into the 21st century, plopping her down into Harlem, and casting her as the lovely and fresh-faced Quvenzhane Wallis were all very wise and exciting decisions, so why then, does the movie have no charm?

Annie lives with mean foster mom Miss Hannigan (Cameron Diaz), who in this version is a C+C Music Factory has-been. I wondered if they would drop the drunk act, which always feels so inappropriate to me, but nope, Cameron slurs and stumbles through her routine, not quite selling the terrible things coming out of her mouth (though she does excel at the more flirtatious\salacious bits). Annie is recruited to go live with New York’s richest man, William Stacks, owner of a successful cell phone franchise, who just happens to also be running for mayor and his shrewd campaign manager (Bobby Canavale) sees her as a potential boost in approval ratings.

No one in this film should be doing a musical – with the possible exception of Jamie Foxx, who’s done well enough before, but you’d never guess it if this was your only proof. The old songs are mistreated, and the new ones are flat. And the choreography, if you can call it that? So lacklustre it’s awkward. Director Will Gluck has no business doing a musical. Neither does Cameron Diaz, and if you can recall her stunningly bad karaoke performance in My Best Friend’s Wedding, then you know she’s the first to admit it. Why then, does her song “Little Girls” steal the show? Not because it’s good, because it isn’t, though Sia’s re-worked it so complements Diaz’s lack of vocal range and talent. But she owns it. At least her sloppiness is intentional.

Wallis is adorable though, and works as an antidote for all our pent-up political cynicism. That’s when the movie teeters into “just okay” status, up from its usual “totally blah”. Looking back, the version of Annie that I loved as a kid doesn’t quite pass muster either, but there’s pluck and spirit and goddamn Carol Burnett! This one just isn’t trying hard enough.

Citizenfour – Discussion

Citizenfour is a great documentary, maybe not in terms of movie making, but certainly in terms of the discussion it generates. If you’ve followed the case, then you’ve learned nothing new: Edward Snowden surreptitiously contacts Laura Poitras, the film’s director, and asks to meet. She flies to Hong Kong and films him over the course of 8 days, as Glenn Greenwald of The Guardian interviews him and breaks the story on the extent of NSA’s pervasive spying on its own citizens. If you’d like to learn more about this movie, please see fellow Asshole Matt’s review of the film. If you’ve seen it and would like more in-depth discussion, then keep reading.

Why you should care: One thing this movie does well is that it makes the case for why should citizenfourwe all care. It’s easy enough to brush it aside, thinking that since we having nothing to hide, nothing nefarious in our texts or emails, then we’re “safe”, no one will be kicking in our doors. And that’s true. But it’s also true that every single day, these people are infringing upon your rights. They are looking over your shoulder at things we used to consider “private” – phone calls to our friends, emails to our mothers, messages from our doctors, banking we did online, books we’ve borrowed, movies we rented, things we bought, passwords we mistakenly believe are ‘secret’, every single thing we’ve ever searched for on Google. Think about that for a second. Our histories, our personal blueprints, are available for analysis. If this was a dystopian sci-fi flick, we’d be creeped out and outraged on behalf of the protagonist. But those scenarios are already happening. It’s already here. But since it’s illegal and since people might just be mad about it, the government does it in secret – and outright lies about it when called out. It uses all the technology developed for flushing out terrorists and uses it against YOU. It has turned spy against its own citizens, every last law-abiding one of them. You don’t need to be suspicious. You don’t need to have a record. You don’t need to have motive, or to associate with known criminals, or use words like “bomb” or “jihad” or “Ebola”.

What does privacy mean to you? Make no mistake, this data collection is a weapon and one that will be used to oppress you. Citizenfour and Glenn Greenwald in particular seek to impress us with this fact: PRIVACY IS FREEDOM. I think it’s important to think of it in terms of control: your own control over your privacy, and others’ ability to control you using obtained private information. There is no freedom without privacy. That’s why we vote by secret ballot. Privacy allows freedom of conscience and diversity of thought. Sure, the government has seriously abused this data yet, that we know of. But why should we be content to wait until that happens – and it will happen – it is being collected in order to be used, not for you, but against you.

Is Edward Snowden a hero or a traitor? Poitras doesn’t really touch on this, unfortunately. Her film is more a portrait of a man, but whether you call that man a whistleblower or a traitor tells a lot about you and about the world you think you live in. The truth is, he is responsible for one of, if not the, largest security breaches of American state secrecy. Why did he do it? The film paints him (and he paints himself) as self-sacrificing, conscience-directed, a do-gooder of the greater-good. He assured us he expected and was willing to be punished for his actions, but won’t return to US soil to stand trial. And for all his protestations, I felt he did court attention. He didn’t reveal the secrets himself, he sought out famous film and print journalists to bring “his” story to light. But he was an established (if closeted) libertarian for pretty much his whole life, believing that the government should defend its citizens, not encroach upon their rights. Few news stories, this documentary included, have been able to separate Edward Snowden, the personality, with the information he uncovered, and even though Poitras claims she was working on this film before Snowden contacted her, we see little evidence of this in its finished product. Those eight days in Hong Kong are the meat of the movie, but I was surprised that she merely recorded it passively rather than asking any questions. I was left wondering – is Snowden operating purely from an ethic of responsibility, or does he have other motives at play? And does it even matter, since the information is all true? Can you be held above the law if the information you leaked shows the corruption of the lawmakers themselves?

Has Citizenfour succeeded? Snowden tells us that what we can do at home to protect our privacy is to encrypt, to block our ISPs, to use personal clouds, to leave no trace. I’m not sure this is practical for every user of the web, and is it even enough? Citizenfour excelled at showing us just how seriously they took they spying. There’s an escalating sense of paranoia – from Snowden’s use of physical barriers to Greenwald’s reluctance to speak out loud – the camera focuses on his feverishly scrawled notes, methodically shredded. They take no chances but I do wonder – has the average viewer of the movie seen this as a call to arms? Have you changed the way you use the internet or cell phone?

Last Love

This movie is kind of a chore. Supposedly it’s about going on with life after the death of a loved one, but 3 years after Matthew Morgan (Michael Caine) loses his wife, he’s still puttering around Paris like a lost puppy dog and it’s uncomfortable to watch and also kinda boring.lastlove

“There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” – and just like that, a young lady appears in the picture, the lovely Clémence Poésy as Pauline, and is either the crack or the light. Repeat a vaunted Leonard Cohen lyric enough and I’ll almost start to believe this movie doesn’t suck. Almost.

Michael Caine just can’t keep his shit together. His American accent is a joke. He’s a dick who keeps correcting the french when they make attempts to communicate with him, yet hasn’t bothered, in all his time in Paris, to even learn basic vocabulary in their language.  In the middle of mopey, maudlin crap you cringe and laugh at his unintentionally funny stumbles through languages, both pigeon french and his supposedly-native English. And since he can’t really commit to his lines, there’s just no point here. His kids sweep in, Gillian Anderson and Justin Kirk, and do absolutely nothing to revive the film. Nothing can save it. It’s painful.

22 Jump Street

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are just so fun together.22_Jump_Street_3

There’s nothing ground-breaking going on here but the good news is, here’s a sequel that won’t make you hate the original. It brings back almost exactly what you loved about the first movie, capitalizing on the bromantic chemistry between the two leads, and not confusing the audience with fresh writing, original scenarios, or new jokes.

Tatum has a big, innocent smile that make stupid look good. Hill milks the socially awkward thing for all it’s worth, usually taking it a step beyond what most people would find reasonable or comfortable and pulling it off because no one flounders quite as endearingly as he does. These two are making interesting career choices but they know what’s bankable and this franchise certainly is.

Just as self-referential as the first was (the directors risk nothing, replicate everything), you still can’t help but fall for it all, needless as it may be. It’s zany and implausible but if you’re not laughing, something’s wrong with you.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

TMNT 2014 is an awful movie that also happens to be the most-watched movie by families at home right now. We sat through it out of morbid curiosity and wished we hadn’t, but a certain nostalgia was at play for Sean, who loved the original as a kid.tmnt

We found the original Turtles on Netflix last night and again, a whim was indulged. I’m not going to review this for you, because it’s a movie where grown men play teenaged turtles. In costumes. That talk with New York accents but say California surfer dude things. Oh, and they’re ninjas, trained by a huge rat named Splinter that took 3 puppeteers to control and who looks a little like my Yorkie, Fudgie.

It’s not great, but Sean had very fond memories of it that were sullied by this re-watching. I recently wrote about my own experience watching Annie for the first time in at least two decades, and how it didn’t measure up to my memory either. So instead of reviewing the movie, I’m asking you about your own experience – have you ever had a childhood memory tarnished? Ever loved a movie as a kid and then hated it as an adult? Not all movies age well, and not all people do either! I suppose it’s inevitable that some movies will lose their magic, and I suppose it’s just as possible that some movies never had it, they just had little fans with rosier eyeglasses.

Annie (1982)

Because an Annie reboot is in theatres right now, I thought an Annie refresher was in order – and was shocked to learn that neither Sean nor Matt had ever seen it in the first place. I assured them it was a classic that may have eluded them in their childhoods but needed to be seen tout Annie-filmde suite.

So I’m going to write it now, in bold: I was wrong. This is not a good movie. I don’t know how or why I had such warm fuzzy feelings about it. Sure the little red curls are cute (a wig!) and I’m sure I fell for the scruffy dog named after my mother, but only a song and a half are decently hummable, and Carol Burnett’s Miss Hannigan feels wildly inappropriate. Not to mention the weirdly racist Punjab character, who wears a turban and can move things with his mind.

Jack Nicholson was originally cast as Daddy Warbucks, and Drew Barrymore auditioned to be Annie. Would that have made any difference? Because my biggest complaint with this movie is th at it’s just not that charming. I was rather bored by it. I can’t imagine what about this movie inspired someone to want to make another, but I admit I’m at least curious to find out how much has changed. Surely Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan must be a nicer, soberer creature, less prone to child exploitation and flimsy underclothes? And I’m praying that no one ever has to refer to Jamie Fox as “Daddy.”

Critics don’t seem to have liked this new one (or the old one, for that matter), but the box office tells another story. The first Annie also did pretty well in theatres, was the tenth-highest grossing film of 1982, which still wasn’t enough to make a profit considering its bloated budget. I haven’t been bored enough to get to the 2014 version yet but when I do, you’ll be the first to hear.

Hector and the Search for Happiness

Simon Pegg plays a psychiatrist who just burns out. One day he’s fine and the next he’s lost patience with his patients’ whining, with his hum-drum relationship, with his life in general and cannot shake that faux-naive question right there in the title of the movie: is he happy?

hectorhappinessSo off he goes, without really doing much self-examination, to “find” happiness, because maybe it’s hiding in China! He’s going to Eat, Pray, Love himself around the world (or, you know, pit stops in Africa and America, which is pretty much the world, right?) having crazy adventures and learning lessons (and just in case you missed those lessons, which are always stated clearly, they’re also written down AND illustrated! Stick, meet head).

I sort of liked the premise of this movie, because, spoiler alert: most of the Assholes (the exception being Sean) are also therapists, and what mental health professional doesn’t wonder about some magic formula for happiness? But none of us have ever gone on a worldwide treasure hunt for it, and I feel I could have saved Hector a lot of frequent flyer miles if only I could tell him: happiness is a choice you make right here at home.

But anyway. Hector’s not really trying to save his patients from unhappiness, he’s trying to heal himself (he just may not know it). So he must encounter lots of heavy-handed obstacles and predictably overcome them (with banners of terrible self-help platitudes earned like badges), and then mawkishly relive them just to drive the point home.

The movie is well-cast: Simon Pegg is affable, Rosamund Pike is fairly ill-used, the wonderful Toni Collette pops up all too briefly, Christopher Plummer provides some laughs late in the film, and Stellan Skarsgard, whom I love without ever understanding why, provides a bit of a counter-balance to Hector’s gung-ho naiveté. But none of these people can save the movie from itself, or from its patronizing tone.

Oscar Nominations 2015 – Surprises & Snubs

The-Oscars-2014-logoHuge Snub: Where is The Lego Movie for Best Animated Feature? That’s crazy. What the hell did the Academy even watch this year? It’s hard to wrap our minds around this one, but here’s what I’ve understood so far: in this category, only animators can vote for the nominations. They must watch all 20 Oscar contenders and then rate them. These people are voting not for the best movie that just happens to be animated (which The Lego Movie is) but the best-animated movie. They are traditionalists and artists who prefer artistry. They laud films like The Boxtrolls because it is done in the labour-intensive stop-animation style. The Lego Movie, on the other hand, mocks stop-animation. So, while that doesn’t make it fair, or right, that’s probably lost it for the Lego guys who can’t compete against small animation studios who are actually producing hand-drawn stuff.

Surprise: Whiplash for Best Picture. Well-deserved, I believe, I just wasn’t expecting to see it there.

Snub: Ava DuVernay should have gotten a best director nod for Selma.

Surprise: American Sniper for Best Picture. Does NOT deserve to be there.

Snub: Neither Ralph Fiennes nor David Oyelowo nominated for lead actor. List feels incomplete without them.

Surprise: Robert Duvall for supporting actor. Really?

 

The Grand Budapest Hotel and Birdman lead the pack with 9 nominations each and I’m super excited that both these offbeat, interesting movies have garnered so much attention. Disturbingly, the Academy seems more intent on honouring American Sniper, a movie about blind hero-worship than Selma, a movie that offers a hero worth worshipping.

Good news for Matt: you won’t have to sit through the Transformers movie!

Good news for Sean: two nominations for Guardians of the Galaxy!