Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Our reviews and thoughts on the latest releases, classics, and nostalgic favourites. Things we loved, things we hated, and worst of all, things we were ambivalent about.

A Joyous Christmas

Self-help author Rachel Kennedy (Natalie Knepp) is in town to promote her new book. After her previous effort’s lackluster sales, her manager is eager to keep her on-brand and brings on event planner Jack (Michael Rady) to help focus their launch. Soon, however, it will be Rachel’s focus that’s wavering, after a kind stranger named Joy (Bonnie Bedelia) saves her life from a brush with death.

Rachel feels drawn to Joy and wants somehow to repay the kindness, but Joy thinks Rachel’s message is rather anti-Christmas and not in the spirit of giving. Joy is, unsurprisingly, quite a charitable soul herself, but her saintly ways don’t impress Rachel’s manager, who thinks Joy is an unwelcome distraction. Jack, however, is quite drawn to Rachel’s orbit and her new zest for helping others. They’ll get to know each other through the usual gateways – decorating gingerbread houses and the like. It’s the Christmas equivalent of putting Ikea furniture together. If your relationship can survive, it, you’re solid gold.

Will Rachel reconnect with the only family she’s got left? What kind of gigantic bug is up her manager’s ass? What sort of tragic back story is Joy hiding? Will Rachel’s book fly off the shelves? Who put the red-headed guy in an orange sweater? And if Jack’s allergic to chocolate, is his life truly worth living?

At Christmas, all things are possible, including forgiveness – forgiving others for their trespasses, and forgiving ourselves for ours.

Christmas Under Wraps

Lauren (Candace Cameron Bure) has worked very hard her whole life to be able to walk in her father’s footsteps, following him in a surgical fellowship that she ends up very narrowly losing – and of course it was the only one to which she’d applied. Not keen to delay her career by 6 months, and determined to show her mother she’s capable of living outside of her meticulously planned box, she accepts the only fellowship still vacant at such a late date. It’s at a hospital in a small town in Alaska.

As it turns out, she won’t merely be a doctor serving the town’s hospital, she’ll be the sole doctor in the entire town. Her office hours are overrun with people who’ve been saving up their ailments in the absence of a doctor. Good thing the hunky town handyman Andy (David O’Donnell) is so helpful. He’s really showing her the ropes!

Two things, though: 1. although Lauren seems to be settling in quite well as the town’s busy and beloved only doctor, her father keeps pursuing the fellowship back home, so she’s always got at least one foot out the door, and 2. this small Alaskan town seems to be hiding some significant secrets. Will Lauren hang around long enough to find out what it is? Can her new relationship with handy Andy survive if she goes back home? Does doctoring even count if it’s not the kind of doctoring her dad did? Is the only kind of scarf that counts the kind that’s made of wool? These burning questions answered and more when you tune in to the Hallmark channel for Christmas Under Wraps.

A Godwink Christmas: Second Chance, First Love

I love that Hallmark has developed some shared universes within its catalogue; we discovered it first with the Evergreen series, but the Godwink one has even more entries. Godwinks, just so you know, are those coincidences in life that aren’t coincidences, they’re God pushing you toward something, if only you take the time to listen.

After 15 years away, Pat (Sam Page) moves back home, and in with his mother, with his two young sons. Divorced and having sold his business in Hawaii, he’s a little untethered, looking for a new job and somewhere to put down roots. He does not expect God to intervene, and put him repeatedly into the path of his high school sweetheart, Margie (Brooke D’Orsay). Margie and Pat parted ways after high school because they wanted different things – he wanted adventure and travel, she expected to follow a more traditional and stable life path, college and then committing to a company you could spend the rest of your life working for. Now that they’re being nudged back together, can they possibly find a way to make it work, or are they still too different?

Well, it’s Hallmark, so we already know they’re getting together, but if there was any question, know that her biggest personality quirk is constantly losing pieces of jewelry, and he’s the guy who seems to find it. So it’s practically ordained. It’s just too bad she’ll have to discard a perfectly good boyfriend to do it. Hallmark usually makes the current boyfriend at least a little villainous so we don’t feel bad when she inevitably dumps him, but Scott (Zahf Paroo) seems like a pretty stand-up guy. It almost had me wishing that just this once, Hallmark would surprise us by chucking out the formula and having the leads not magically fall in love with each other in a matter of three short days, but stay with their respective respectable partners and agree to remain very good friends. Just once, Hallmark. Make it happen.

Christmas On Wheels

Ashley (Tiya Sircar) thought she was fine if her uncle got rid of some of her dead mom’s stuff, but learning that her Mom’s cherry-red vintage convertible, affectionally known as the sleigh, has been sold fills her with unexpected regret. So she does the only thing that makes sense. She enlists the help of her uncle’s attorney/estate appraiser, Duncan (Michael Xavier), to track it down and get it back.

The path toward the car has exactly one twist and one turn, but they’re inspiring enough for Ashley to remember why the car was so special to her and her mother in the first place. As a kid, her mother would fundraise and buy gifts for all the families in need, and make a special delivery on Christmas Eve, the convertible loaded down with cheerfully wrapped presents. Ashley decides to honour her mother’s memory with her own present ride. But with only a few days to raise the money and buy the gifts, how will she make it work? Ashley and Duncan put their heads together not to mention their mutual love of antiques to make this Christmas season one the community won’t soon forget.

Of course there’s never any real danger that the couple won’t fall in love or the kids won’t get their gifts. There is, however, some question as to whether the car is haunted or if it’s just sentient and bossy. It is quite beautiful though. Sircar and Xavier are likeable leads and the film has a nice message about communal giving and caring for others, which is always a bonus at Christmas.

The Angel Tree

Hallmark imagines that Christmas is a time replete with journalists just desperate for soft, holiday-themed “news.” They’re visiting small town bed and breakfasts, boarding cross-country trains, trying to reunite lost items with their owners, sleeping on war ships, solving charity mysteries, hunting for vintage jewelry, and more. This particular writer, Rebecca (Jill Wagner), has been assigned to go back to her hometown and crack the top secret identity of the person granting wishes that are placed upon the town’s angel tree.

The Angel tree is a tradition that’s been going on now for decades. It was in effect when Rebecca was a child – and it seems she might the only one for whom the angel tree didn’t work. She wished that her family wouldn’t move away, but they did, and she’s kind of been harbouring a sort of resentment ever since. But for many, many others, perhaps 40 or 50 a year, the wishes have magically come true. Since Rebecca’s been writing about it, however, a lot of extra attention has meant a lot of extra wishes. And no matter who the mysterious benefactor is – and the townspeople are very protective of his or her identity – they couldn’t possibly provide for that many people. So Rebecca enlists the help of her aunt, her daughter, and her childhood friend, Matthew (Lucas Bryant) to take care of some of the overflow.

You might guess that Rebecca and Matthew engage in some pretty heavy reconnecting while doing good for their community. But will their budding romance survive Rebecca’s needling? Will she really betray the community’s secret? Will she get fired if she doesn’t? Will anyone be able to grant Matthew’s nephew’s wish, that his deployed mother join him for Christmas? And aren’t there some things in life just better left as mysteries anyway? Find out with The Angel Tree.

Snowcapped Christmas

Claire Benson (Leah Renee) is a figure skater about to get her shot at the gold at nationals – and then, on to the Olympics. But an injury right before a crucial competition sidelines her, sends her to the mountains to recover at a rehab facility, in fact. It might be a nice place to decompress, reassess, oh, and heal – if only Claire’s coach wasn’t such a villainous villain! He’s going to ride her just as hard, injury or no injury.

Thankfully Claire’s mom Dale (Lisa Whelchel) is around to pull her toward some more relaxation and recreation, and so is a handsome dude who seems to be the facility (and the town’s!) jack of all trades. Turns out Luke (Niall Matter) is an ex hockey player, so it would seem that he more than anyone would understand Claire’s predicament. Claire’s been having doubts about continuing with the sport, and it’s nice having someone to confide in. Plus, Luke’s daughter is a total cutie herself, it’s possible that this little family is awakening certain feelings in Claire – like maybe skating isn’t everything, like maybe there’s something missing from her life, and maybe she’s ready to have it.

Will mean coach Julian let her follow her dreams? Will her mother find a true love of her own? Will Claire fail to heed posted signage and nearly fall through some thin ice? I mean, they can’t all be spoilers, can they? Only a trip to your local Hallmark channel will answer all these burning questions and more.

Guest House

Remember Pauly Shore? If you’d forgotten and I just reminded you, I’m sorry. If you’d forgotten and prefer to keep it that way, read no more.

Pauly’s back and he’s the exact same as ever, except worse because now he’s old and I’m not high.

Blake (Mike Castle) and Sarah (Aimee Teegarden) are a young couple who’ve just bought a new home with a beautiful backyard. There’s just the one problem: there’s someone in the guest house. And yes, it’s Pauly Shore. He’s calling himself Randy Cockfield in this movie but doing absolutely nothing to disguise himself. Pauly Shore never could act, except in the “acting like a demented ass with no filter and no taste” sense. Anyway, Randy is the tenant from hell, throwing obscene parties, damaging property, and violating boundaries like they don’t even exist in the first place.

Blake, apparently a reformed party boy (though Sarah’s dad, Billy Zane, still does not approve), vows to wage war against their squatter, but in truth he somehow gets sucked in. And then out. And then back in, and so on. Which is a problem because when Blake and Randy are buds, they party together, and things get so wildly out of control, Sarah winds up picking him up from the police station. And when Blake and Randy are enemies, their juvenile pranks get so wildly out of hand, Sarah winds up picking him up from the police station. In both scenarios, she’s threatening to leave.

But she doesn’t. Because Sarah’s pretty shitty too. Maybe not as shitty as Pauly Shore and her no good, Pauly Shore wannabe boyfriend, but since she’s agreeing to marry at least one of them on the very same day she was tearfully telling Billy Zane she just couldn’t do it anymore, she doesn’t get a pass. Plus, she has some pretty shitty friends. I mean, so does Blake. Definitely shitty. And so does Pauly. Ugh. So shitty. They have shitty friends because they’re awful people and they all deserve each other and there’s absolutely nobody in this movie to root for.

Guest House is an absolute mess of things that don’t make sense and things you wish you could unsee. I had no problem with Shore being alive when he wasn’t bothering me by making movies, but if he’s threatening to “revive” his “career,” I’m going to suggest we bury him Encino style, deep enough to make sure that if he’s ever unearthed, I’ll be dead and gone and he can’t hurt me anymore. His weasel persona had a 3 movie expiration date in the 90s and his resurrection is both unwanted and offensive – especially since he seems to be bringing Steve-o along with him? Double ugh. Go ahead and dig that hole big enough for two bodies and toss em both in. And while you’ve got the shovel out, go ahead and give my head a big ole whack – I know I can’t get these 84 minutes back but the least you could do is try to brain injury the memory away.

The Jinkx and DeLa Holiday Special

I couldn’t call myself a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race if I didn’t gallop over to BenDeLaCreme’s site to rent The Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Special just as soon as I could. BenDeLaCreme (DeLa for short) was one my all-time favourites on Drag Race, except for the fact that she left in disgrace – not because she lost, but because she chose herself for elimination. Criminy!

DeLa and Jinkx Monsoon work together often (including in the recent Happiest Season) and have a wonderful chemistry. They’ve written the script together and they’ve got their flavour stamped all over it, which is probably why it’s so sticky.

The premise: DeLa wants to give Jinkx the perfect Christmas, with winter wonderlands, sugar plum dreams, and plenty of good old fashioned Christmas traditions. Jinkx, however, is not so keen on the whole Christmas scene. She grew up much less privileged; Santa never spoiled her and the holidays never seemed all that great. Plus, aren’t traditions those things upheld by people who don’t like gays or drag queens? DeLa can’t believe it: did she not even have a family eggnog recipe?

I didn’t grow up with a family eggnog recipe either, to be honest. Not everyone is into salmonella punch, especially not the kind animated by dead grandmas. Which DeLa’s is. Nana Nanog is still deeply invested in seeing DeLa carry out the family traditions, and luckily, our favourite drag queens have a variety of musical numbers planned for us to increase the merry and turn up the jolly.

Numbers like ‘Passive Aggressive Christmas’ and ‘Everyone Is Traumatized by Christmas’ indicate the kind of inclusivity this special is aiming for: the holidays are hard, might as well drink until they go away. Or until you see the Baby Jesus bopping around in a pair of sunglasses and a diaper.

Walt, our miniature dachshund who will be 6 months old on Christmas Day, seemed to love Santa Fa La La (he barked at all the fa la las), but I had a super fun time with their new twist on classics like Baby It’s Cold Outside, the popular holiday song with rape vibes, now rewritten to recount how God convinced Mary to put his baby inside her, and the Nativity Twist, which reclaims the birth of Christ as a feel-good, dance-heavy, nice time.

As you would expect from such drag professionals as Jinkx and DeLa, the looks are on point, the wigs are big, the shoes are high, the makeup is excessive, the costumes are spectacular and numerous. It is most certainly NOT a family-friendly affair if you don’t want your kinds finding out what rhymes with ‘bare-backing’ this Christmas, but for the rest of us, it’s exactly the celebration we deserve this year.

Find The Jinkx and DeLa Holiday Special on Hulu if you’re in the U.S., and for rent on their site if you’re not.

Good Morning Christmas!

Melissa Merry and Brian Bright are the hosts of America’s #1 morning TV show; they play a pair of beaming colleagues for the camera but the minute it stops rolling they’re actually always at each other’s throats. Melissa (Alison Sweeney) prefers the rehearsed approach, while Brian (Marc Blucas) likes to improvise, and insists they’re both better without a teleprompter, which may be true, but his lack or preparation does mean Melissa often has to swoop in and save him. After spending the last year squabbling, the network is honouring Brian’s request to break his contract. As Melissa searches for a replacement, the two are sent to a festive small town where they’ll be shooting live on location for the last week before Christmas, and the last week of their show together. They’ll have to pretend to get along for the sake of appearances, which is a rule neither is keen to follow.

Their taped segments include all your holiday favourites: ice skating, gingerbread making, ugly Christmas sweater wearing. And somewhere amid all this forced cheer, Melissa and Brian will actually start to get cozy and discover there’s more to each other than they thought.

Will the Merry & Bright morning show live to see another day? Have you ever seen a hotel room so overwhelmingly decorated for Christmas? Is the only thing worse than an ugly Christmas sweater an ugly Christmas Hawaiian shirt? Did Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan sue when they realized how closely this relationship mimics theirs?

This Hallmark movie truly has it all, even very questionable morals when the show’s producer decides to invade her stars’ privacy, and send spy cameras to capture their romantic declaration live, without their knowledge or consent. It’s dicey. It’s risky. But will it pay off???

Christmas At The Plaza

Historian Jessica (Elizabeth Henstridge) is hired to honour the great tradition of Christmas at the Plaza hotel with a holiday exhibit. The archive room is as vast as it is dusty and she hardly knows where to begin. Luckily head bellman Reginald (Bruce Davison) tells her about the lobby Christmas tree’s traditional finial d’arbre, the beautiful custom ornament that tops the tree. Each year at the Plaza, a new and unique finial sits atop the tree for all to admire. Creating her display around these beautiful baubles, she begins to piece together a story that unites Christmases across the decades and generations. There’s only one problem: one finial is missing, and even the records are blank. What happened in 1969, and how will Jessica find out?

A second piece of luck: Nick (Ryan Paevey) is the handsome decorated hired to deck the Plaza’s halls this years, and he’s on board to help her sort out her exhibit AND crack the mystery. The only thing surer than these two falling in love along the way is that the mystery of the missing ornament will also be romantical in nature. It is the Hallmark way. It’s what we’re all here for, and Hallmark delivers as assuredly as Santa.

Julia Duffy was a pleasure to see as the Plaza’s humourless manager. There was a surprising Alfred Hitchcock Easter egg, a nod to North by Northwest, if you’re playing close attention. The decorations are fabulous, the Christmas karaoke is baffling, and Ms. Henstridge sports the perfect shade of berry for a holiday lip look.