Tag Archives: holiday movies

Christmas Wonderland

Heidi moved to New York to be an artist but ended up excelling in a position as art gallery curator, her paints mostly forgotten. Her sister needs a favour close to the holidays – she needs an overnight babysitter for her two kids, so Heidi finagles some time off work to return to small town Pleasant Valley and spend some time with her niece and nephew.

While there, Heidi isn’t just a babysitter, but the defacto Christmas mom too, fulfilling all the holiday duties her sister is signed up for. She has to bake cookies, take the kids to pageant rehearsal, and volunteer for the Snowball dance. And guess what! The Snowball dance is being organized by her former high school sweetheart Chris, who is now her nephew’s teacher and hockey coach. While not the obvious choice for Snowball volunteer, the truth is, Chris and Heidi are both Snowball royalty – they were Snowball king and queen back when they were young and in love.

Although she’s badly needed back at work, of course Heidi’s stay with the kids gets extended. And while she’s there, she gets out paints and canvas that she’s apparently had stashed there for years (?) and gets busy IN HER SISTER’S ALL BEIGE LIVING ROOM. I mean, there isn’t even an ugly-patterned couch to help hide the inevitable stains. Her apron suggests that only a small fraction of paint actually makes it to the canvas, but she’s going to risk the wall to wall carpeting in someone else’s house? Really, Heidi? I’m such a messy painter that I once accidentally dripped some pain on my dog Herbie, then a frisky puppy, when I was refurbishing a dresser. When I later made an appointment to take him to his first vet visit, they asked me lots of questions over the phone – how many weeks old, what breed, what colour – to which I responded, white, black, and teal, which technically, pre-bath, he was. I explained the joke and how it came to be, but when we turned up to the vet days later, teal had made it into his official file, and remains there to this day.

Anyway, there’s very little romance in this romantic Christmas movie. There’s very little to recommend it, period. There’s not even a cute, off-colour dog. But if you’re looking for cute, Hallmark does have quite a deep well, so visit us here!

Home Alone

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I thought I was too old to see this movie in the theatre. Now I have probably watched it ten times in my 30s (all by choice). It is somehow a sweet movie despite little Kevin nearly killing poor Harry and Marv (according to some doctor on the internet, they would have died several times over in real life from the injuries Kevin gives them). It is somehow a tale of a mother’s love for her son even though Kevin’s parents are totally neglectful. After all, if they had just sat in coach instead of abandoning their kids there, Kevin’s parents would have clued into the fact that they were missing their son (and as an added bonus they could have prevented their other kids from terrorizing the rest of the passengers on the plane). It is a story of an old man saving the day on Christmas Eve, but also apparently taking great pleasure in scaring the neighbourhood kids the rest of the year. And be sure not to think too hard about how Harry and Marv ever got away with any of their alleged string of burglaries, when every step of the way they get thoroughly out-schemed (as well as savagely beaten) by a ten year old.

So how have I watched this so often and enjoyed it every time? Because this movie just works. It hits all the right crazy notes. It captures the magic of being a kid at Christmas. It doesn’t worry about justifying its ridiculous premise or anything else along the way. It takes pleasure in ramping up the craziness at every opportunity. It is truly joyful, a live action cartoon, a John Hughes caper to end all John Hughes capers. For accuracy’s sake, I checked the back of the DVD case to be sure that the late great Mr. Hughes had, in fact, written this movie but I was sure he had. It has his fingerprints all over it and that’s a wonderful thing.

Hands down, this is my favourite Christmas movie, for what it is and for what it captures. By the way, don’t bother with any of the terrible sequels, just watch this one three or four times and you’ll be far better off.

Ten wet bandits out of ten.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

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Rudolph is celebrating his 50th year of bringing stop-animation joy into our homes this year. Most of us grew up watching this Christmas classic every year but re-watching it as an adult may leave you with a slightly different interpretation.

Yes, it’s tempting to say that Hermey the elf is gay. He’s got snazzy Justin Bieber hair and a lisp that just won’t quit. So is “dentistry” one of the oldest euphemisms for “raging homosexual”? Possibly. But you can’t really tell someone’s gay until they tell you they are, so if Hermey wants to stay in the closet, or is still exploring his options, we’ll let him. Meanwhile, it seems that some of the lady elves have found him to be an excellent dance partner. Sounds like a win all around.

Santa, however, I have issues with. He’s a dick. Definitely sexist. Pretty racist. I mean, he rejects Rudolph on the basis of the colour of his nose alone. He was totally excited about this guy on paper, but red nose? Deal breaker. And he’s a complete ass about the song the elves perform especially for him. I mean, these little dudes slave away all year long for him, and all he can do is criticize? This is not a nice guy. No wonder kids always cry when you plop them on his lap. I will say though that more mall Santas should aspire to his excellent beard grooming. Man’s got some tidy facial hair. Mall Santas always go for the curly bearded look, and I think it’s a mistake. I also enjoyed Santa’s Sherlock hat – who knew he also rocked the deer stalker?

But the best-dressed award goes to Sam, the snowman narrator. Love the tartan vest, the watch fob, his Colonel Sanders tie, heck, his bowler hat’s accessorized with winter berries! Burl Ives pwnd Christmas, y’all.

Yukon Cornelius is a little more lumbersexual, but you have to hand it to him, he’s an inclusive, forward-thinking guy. His sled dogs include a cocker spaniel, a poodle, a Saint Bernard, a collie, and even a little wiener dog. He’s also a champion for immigrant employment. Who else would think that all this time the Abominable Snowman just wanted to dignified work and a decent wage?

I also felt like the Island of Misfit Toys must have planted the seedling of Toy Story into John Lasseter’s brain. Little Johnny would have been about 7 or 8 when Rudolph first aired and he heard a bunch of talking toys utter the magical words “a toy is never truly happy until it is loved by a child.” There was even a cowboy riding an ostrich. Not much of a stretch to Woody, and a dynasty is born.

It’s still a treat to watch this movie though, it takes you back to simpler times, to wearing your flannel jammies and sharing a big bowl of popcorn with siblings while the Christmas specials air. The animation was done primarily in Japan, but the voice work was recorded in Canada. In fact, the woman (!) who voiced Rudolph lived in the same Ontario retirement residence as the guy who voiced Hermey the elf up until her death a few years ago. For many of us, this movie became a Christmas tradition, one that you can honour during the holidays, or you can do like me and totally desecrate it by buying it on DVD and “accidentally” watching the claymation Destiny’s Child video in the bonus features – or worse yet, the Regis Philbin one.

The Holiday

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A quasi-Christmas movie for when you’re feeling in a quasi-holiday mood. It takes place around the holidays but it doesn’t shove them down your throat. It is unabashedly a romcom though. Like, hardcore romcom. If you love Love Actually, this might just be the perfect follow up. Just don’t make your boyfriend watch them back-to-back, or I won’t be responsible for him menstruating all over your micro suede couch.

Kate Winslet plays this woman who’s in love with a jackass who doesn’t love her back, and wouldn’t deserve her even if he did. It’s next to impossible to believe this heavenly creature could ever be in an unrequited situation but she’s lovely and she elevates this stinkin romcom to a very nearly decent little movie. She’s at her office Christmas party when her ex-lover announced his engagement to the woman he cheated on her with (holy god, call the grammar police!) and poor Katie does a not too great job of hiding her tears because her coworker says “I never realized how pathetic you are” to which Kate replies “Really? I’m so aware of it.” And how can you not love a movie like this?

In an effort to avoid another new year’s eve of tears and vallium, she lists her home on a house swap site and connects with Cameron Diaz, a woman in Los Angeles who’s just had a bad breakup with her boyfriend and also needs to get away from life and from men.

But of course they don’t just live in each other’s houses, they inhabit each other’s lives. Kate’s little cottage is cozy and filled with books. Absolute heaven. Cameron’s house is bursting with movies, including, weirdly, Gigli. Sort of reduces her credibility, no? And soon they start me including their men (though thankfully not their exes). Both rom and com ensue.

And keep watching because the best part is right around the corner – an old guy, a writer from show business’ golden age, who just slays with his great advice (“You are a leading lady but for some reason you’re acting like the best friend.”) and his undying loyalty. I was completely charmed by Jack Black (!) and won over by Jude Law (!!). It’s totally predictable and meandering but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to cuddle this movie all night long. Merry Christmas to me.

Unlikely Angel

Die Hard: My Second Favorite Christmas Movie

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To make up for my admittedly obvious choice for my favorite, my second favorite Christmas movie is one of the best action films of all time that just so happens to be set entirely on Christmas Eve. Despite being originally released in the middle of summer and featuring a body count of nearly 20 bloody murders, Christmas is not incidental to Die Hard. Beginning with an act of Christmas kindness from the likeable limo driver Argyle, featuring several Christmas songs hummed by Sgt. Powell, and ending with Let it Snow during the credits- barely a minute goes by where we’re not reminded that it’s Christmastime at Nakatomi Plaza. In fact, when the third Die Hard abandoned Christmas Eve for summer in New York, I missed it, more than I missed Bonnie Bedelia as Holly or Reginald VelJohnson as Powell- also both missing in the third installment. This is the perfect Christmas movie for those that don’t mind a little mayhem with their mistletoe.

Eight Crazy Nights

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Confession: I am an Adam Sandler fan. Or maybe he’s become more of a guilty pleasure over the years, emphasis on the guilty. I grew up watching him on SNL, fell a little in love with him watching Billy Madison, and have been the only grown woman in a long line of 12-year-old boys to many of his movies. And no matter how many Jack & Jills he throws at me, I keep coming back.

Eight Crazy Nights is not your standard holiday fare. Two and a half minutes in and this movie has already distinguished itself from other holiday movies: it’s lewd, it’s rude, and grandma’s not going to like it. I’m not even sure that I do, half the time. Potty humour’s not my thing. Like really not my thing.

This movie, when you can look beyond the crudeness, is actually kind of touching. It has messages of gratitude and appreciation, and an interfaith holiday celebration that’s more inclusive than any other holiday film on our list. But Adam Sandler is an eternal pre-pubescent boy. He is so squeamish about real emotion that any time he attempts it in his movies, he just as quickly negates it with bodily functions or silly voices. His discomfort is sadly obvious to the grown-up viewer, and yet, this movie doesn’t exactly seem directed at or appropriate for children. It is however, juvenile humour all the way. This movie can only appeal to pre-existing fans with a high tolerance for toilet jokes. It’s not charming or clever but it does have some guffaws, and even a song (“Technical Foul”) that you may find yourself singing around the house. Fans of Saturday Night Live will recognize voices from Sandler’s usual repertoire: Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and Jon Lovitz.

This movie doesn’t belong on any list of the “Classics” and I’m the last person to suggest that it be included, but I do find myself watching it every year around the holidays. I guess I’m a sucker for the Hanukkah Song.

Jay’s favourite Christmas movie: A Christmas Story

Matt’s favourite Christmas movie: It’s a Wonderful Life

Vote for YOURS!

It’s a Wonderful Life: My Favourite Christmas Movie

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Maybe a boring and obvious choice but It’s a Wonderful Life is the one movie I can’t go without every Christmas. It went into wide release in January of 1947 so probably wasn’t even originally marketed as a Christmas movie (but if they did try and sell a Christmas movie in January that would explain its poor performance at the box office). In fact, only the last half of the film takes place at Christmas. Every year I feel tempted to even skip the first hour and a quarter and just jump to Christmas Eve and every year I’m glad I didn’t. You really need to watch George Bailey’s life of watching his dreams slip away to feel the full impact of his Christmas Eve realization that he had been living a wonderful life without fully realizing it. Every year it makes me cry and every year it makes me thankful.

A Christmas Story

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I will probably watch many Christmas movies over the holiday season, but my favourite, my absolute all-time favourite Christmas classic is A Christmas Story. The Christmas Story. Our Christmas Story.

Because the best thing about this movie is how well it evokes the wonder and the misery of a childhood family holiday. It captures the agony of anticipation to this highlight of “the entire kid year.” Filmed in 1983 but set in the 1940s, I’m far too young (and way too beautiful, may as well throw that in) to remember things quite as old-timey as little Ralphie experiences, but by and large, a lot of the big themes were quite nostalgic for me as well, and probably continue to be today: running around outside, wearing those god-awful snowsuits (to this day I don’t own a parka, or snow boots, because I developed a severe claustrophobic reaction to winter apparel). The kid in every family who won’t eat? My baby sister. Their faulty furnace was our busted sump pump. The demoralizing lineup to sit on Santa’s lap. And we were never treated to the spectacular department store windows unfortunately, but for us it was the Sears Christmas catalogue. Not quite as good as “mechanized, electronic joy” but still pretty drool-worthy.

You will surely remember that Ralphie wants, more than anything in the world, more than anything a boy of 9 had ever wanted before, was a Red Ryder BB gun. Me? I wanted a Barbie horse trailer. I asked for it every year for probably a solid decade, for longer than I even wanted it because it was tradition, and because I had to be getting close! I never got it, but my little sister did. At the time, I probably wished she’d somehow manage to shoot her eye out with it. She’s still got two beautiful blue eyes to this day, the little bitch.

This movie was only a sleeper hit at first but gained huge momentum as it aired on TV over countless Christmas seasons. The writing is just legendary. It’s perfect, and it should be, being based on Jean Shepherd’s successful series first published in Playboy magazine. It reminds me a whole lot of David Sedaris, though I guess I should say Sedaris reminds me of Shepherd.

The fantasy sequences are genius. I was a day-dreamer myself and was probably guilty of the same hyperbolic mental narration thatRalphie indulges in. He’s definitely the hero of his own story. But his father, brilliantly played by DarrenMcGavin, sure gives him a run for his money. Rumour has it that Jack Nicholson wanted the part, but his big salary demands meant the role went to the man who was born to play it.

A Christmas Story major prize - leg lamp

“The soft glow of electric sex”

And for all this magical Christmas spirit, for the pure joy of the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window, we have Porky’s to thank. It was Porky’s who put director Bob Clark on the map and allowed him to make the movie he really wanted to make. He shot the house itself in Cleveland Ohio but most other scenes were shot here in Canada – the tree lot right in Toronto, the schoolyard in St. Catherine’s. Peter Billingsley, the young star, knew a career-high when he saw it. Now he teams up with friends Jon Favreau (as a producer for Iron Man) and Vince Vaughn (as director of Couples Resort).

Aren’t you watching it yet? Relive the lusty unwrapping! The crappy Mom gifts (a fly swatter? really?). The present coma. The tinsel vomited all over the tree. The pink bunny suit, for chrissakes.

“He looks like a deranged Easter bunny”

This movie is a classic and respect must be paid. I’m not sure you need to watch the 24 hour marathon, but if you aren’t watching this movie, you aren’t really celebrating Christmas. This movie is filled with all the pitfalls of spending any amount of time with your crazy family, but the closing shot reminds us that this is what Christmas is all about.

What was your all-time favourite Christmas gift? Tell us in the comments! And don’t forget to cast your vote for best Christmas movie in our poll.