Tag Archives: Half-assed

Films in this category have something to offer but also have one or more flaws that detract from the experience. Still, these movies are probably better than most of the shit on Netflix.

Irrational Man

8 Replies

Abe (Joaquin Phoenix) is a burned out, impotent philosophy professor who’s looking for the will to live. A fellow teacher (Parker Posey) throws herself at him and a pretty and 45-Irrational-Man_1 promising student (Emma Stone) engages him mentally, but he’s still, shall we say, unresponsive, until he starts plotting a hypothetical murder.

Joaquin and Emma have an easy rapport that’s eminently watchable, when the dialogue’s not getting in the way. The story is partially inspired by Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, about a university student who commits murder to prove that he is morally superior to other people. But both Dostoevsky’s student and Woody Allen’s professor are only pretending that murder would be to help others, or the world in general. In fact, it’s a pretty selfish pursuit, even when purely cerebral. Can thoughts of murder really be a “creative 635725682661364214-11-1600x900-c-default endeavour”, or is that just the typical justification of an unfulfilled philosophy professor?

Woody Allen struggles to sound authentic around some of the philosophical arguments, and Joaquin doesn’t do a much better job conveying them. And Allen’s dialogue surrounding the erection difficulty is as stilted and awkward as only Woody Allen can be – which doesn’t quite sound right coming from Joaquin, even with his 30 pounds of pot belly. Allen’s more adept with the cynicism and the dark humour (not to mention age-inappropriate romance), and when the material’s good, he’s hired actors talented enough to handle it. So this movie is not without merit. It’s also just not very original (even among Allen’s oeuvre) or very necessary, and the unevenness almost drove me batty.

Verdict: quintessential mediocre Allen.

American Ultra

20 Replies

We got to check out the Ottawa screening of American Ultra last night. I wasn’t excited to see it but hey, it’s a free movie! Why wasn’t I excited? Two reasons:

I haven’t cared for Jesse Eisenberg since Zombieland. I have never been able to get over his one whiny character he always plays (at least I hope it’s a character). And now he’s going to undoubtedly be whiny Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman which worries me a lot. Even worse, I’m not sure I’ve ever liked a movie starring Kristen Stewart, because she seems to be exclusively in bad tween movies and also she never smiles or changes expressions as far as I can tell.

So those were two big strikes against American Ultra. And I have to say, my worries in that regard were largely unwarranted. Which is not to say either of these actors surprised me with their performances. They were really the same as they ever are. It just worked in this movie for some reason, maybe because Topher Grace was more annoying than the two of them put together, so I had to cheer for the good guys as the lesser of two evils.

It also helped that American Ultra was surprisingly decent as a popcorn movie. Looking back, there are some parallels between this and Kingsman: The Secret Service. Kingsman is hands-down better, don’t get me wrong, but American Ultra has the same kind of feel and, like Kingsman did with Colin Firth, American Ultra made me believe that Jesse Eisenberg could take down a whole army of government-sponsored assassins (or “assets” because apparently the government owns them). Which was essential when the plot of American Ultra consists of Jesse Eisenberg killing lots and lots of people with whatever items are close at hand.

The difference between this and Kingsman is the subtext (or lack thereof). Kingsman knows exactly what it wants to be and the message it wants to convey. American Ultra, not so much. If there is a message here, I totally didn’t get it, as the message I thought was being delivered for most of the movie disappeared and then was completely contradicted by the ending as American Ultra tried to wrap itself up. And without a message, this movie is just violence. Well-done, over-the-top, spectacular violence, but still just violence. And that means American Ultra will be quickly forgotten by me and probably everyone else who sees it. It is a time waster, a missed opportunity, and nothing more.

Apollo Ape and Chip the Brick, on the other hand? Now there’s a team! I would much rather have seen that movie.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by American Ultra (@americanultra)

American Ultra gets a rating of five gruesome Kwik-E-Mart kills out of ten.

Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation

21 Replies

Oh, Tom Cruise. How did you become such an Action Hero? I know! It’s because you pump your arms so much when you run! And for Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, you upped the ante and taught your running technique to your co-stars! When you and your (female) British Intelligence counterpart run side by side, you look like twins! Superfast, Olympic calibre twins!

By now, we know that the “Mission: Impossible” title is a misnomer. Because as confirmed in this movie, the Impossible Mission Force has a 100% success rate! I think we need to start a petition to change the name of this franchise to “Mission Difficult”, especially since a byproduct would be that Tom Cruise couldn’t make the same joke in his promos for the now-inevitable sixth movie, i.e., “This isn’t Mission Difficult…”. This time that quote referred to him hanging off a plane, which i heard about more than probably any single stunt ever. And honestly if there hadn’t been so much hype I might have forgotten that scene altogether by now, because it has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of this movie! So to me it just came off as Tom Cruise trying too hard to prove he is an Action Hero, and set that tone for the rest of the movie (and it’s the opening sequence).

Despite all that, I enoyed Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation. It’s well executed, keeps moving, and doesn’t have any glaring plot holes or overly ridiculous contrivances (as long as you accept that Ethan and Luther and Benji and Jeremy Renner all can immediately do anything needed to bring a plan into effect, and I’ll give them that one here). It’s a decent summer movie. Nothing more, nothing less. But if you’re at or near your limit for Tom Cruise tolerance, you might want to skip this one, because in Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, he is at his Tom Cruiseiest!

I give Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation seven rubber masked impersonations out of ten.

Bullitt, or How to Travel San Francisco in Style

18 Replies

I love my Mustang so I am obliged to love Bullitt. That’s just the way it is. As I was watching this I found myself picturing my car chasing down a Dodge Charger (which I may have to do in real life one of these days), so that made it a little extra fun.

I have heard about this car chase for as long as I can remember. It deserves all the accolades. It feels like it could be real. There’s no CG, no pretend flawless driving by either car, it’s just a wild chase with two drivers smashing their cars against the road over and over as they navigate the hills of San Francisco, and then smashing into/shooting at each other for good measure until (spoiler alert) one blows up. There’s no music so you can focus on all the screeching tires and revving engines without any distractions. I wish that old school approach was applied more often today.

The rest of the movie? Not as awesome. I found it confusing (why was there such confusion over a witness’ identity?), annoying (I hated Chalmers SO MUCH) and sad (Bullitt is not a happy guy). It was also very plodding in parts. But that car chase made watching this movie worthwhile, and I can’t wait to try something similar this week with our rental car!

If you’re keeping up with our travel notes, today we’re hopping in our Mustang convertible and driving down the coast, from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Jay managed to snag the very last convertible in the state of California (and has also managed to obscure the price paid for such a feat, which I can tell by her squirrelly eyes is phenomenal). With the top down we should be able to taste the salt coming off the Pacific Ocean, all the way to the City of Angels.

Montreal in Film and Why Mommy is Better Than The Score

9 Replies

Well, I did it, Andrew from Fistful of Films. I watched Mommy. Andrew’s made no secret of his appreciation of this Cannes sensation- now I get the picture on his masthead- and after the film resurfaced during Thursday Movie Picks a couple of weeks ago, I vowed to finally give this a watch.

First, I’ll say that I liked Mommy better than The Score, the Robert De Niro-Edward Norton heist movie from 2001 that I watched the night before. Like Mommy, The Score is filmed and set in Montreal, where I spent the first twenty-four years of my life. I know the city well, well enough to know that Quebecers don’t sound like that. The accents and dialects (more French than Quebecois) aren’t a big deal and most non-Canadians may not even notice but they’re distracting for me. Mommy’s already off to a good start just by being a Canadian film with actual Canadians.

The actors in Mommy get more than just the Franglais right. As mother and son, Anne Dorval and Antoine-Olivier Pilon always manage to make their increasingly complicated feelings and relationship believable, if not always likeable. Both Die (Dorval) and Steve (Pilon) are immediately off-putting. We are warned from the beginning that Steve can be a lot to take but I was unprepared for foul-mouthed and deliberately provocative style. Even Die, Steve’s long-suffering mother, is tough to take at first, presenting herself immediately as arrogant and confrontational through some pretty cocky gum-chewing.

I warmed to these characters quickly though. Die first. We quickly see how out of control- even dangerous- Steve is and I couldn’t help seeing her as a mother doing the best she can with an impossible situation. Steve has his charming- even sweet- side too. His feelings of guilt over ths burden he thinks he must be to his mother rise to a scene in a karaoke bar where he deliberately causes a scene in order to derail Die’s flirtation with a lawyer who she thinks can help with her son’s situation. The relationship between mother and son is unpredictable and at times a little strange but makes sense as we realize that they can’t help feeling that all they have is each other.

This relationship is written and acted to perfection even if Mommy isn’t. Dolan devotes way too much time to a stuttering former teacher who lives across the street without any real justification for doing so. I also could have done without the unusual 1.1 Aspect Ratio that is distracting at best and counter-productive during the more cinematic sequences that Dolan seems to love.

Have you seen Mommy? If you have, I would love to hear what you thought of the final scene.

Meanwhile in San Francisco…: 6 Simple Steps to Liking a Shitty Movie

14 Replies

Finding myself at a midnight screening of The Room on Saturday, I was completely unprepared. If you haven’t already seen Tommy Wiseau’s masterpiece of unintended comedy, the first thing you need to do to get the most out of your experience is to manage your expectations. You’re not going to enjoy this movie the way you would, say, Birdman, The Imitation Game, or even The Avengers. Wiseau, who is equally misguided as producer, director, writer, and star, has made what Entertainment Weekly went on to call “the Citizen Kane of bad movies”. Several theaters around the world screen The Room on a monthly basis, drawing enthusiastic “fans” every time. It’s a bad movie but they seem to enjoy it. Here’s how you can too.

1. Remember, kids. You don’t need alcohol to have a good night out. Unless you’re watching The Room. You’ll need a few drinks to wash this one down.

2. Don’t, under any circumstances, watch this one alone. You’ll need a movie buddy. Maybe even a whole group. Choose your company well. They should be able to make you laugh easily. The more sarcastic the better. There’ll be lots to make fun of.

3. If you catch a screening, be prepared for people to talk, even yell, during the movie. That’s part of the fun. Several rituals have developed over the years from the Room cult, involving pre-prepared responses for specific parts of the movie. Don’t worry if you’re not familiar with those. You can pretty much yell whatever you want at the screen. This is one theater you will not get shushed.

4. Pay attention because the director didn’t. The plot holes, continuity errors, and technical fuck-ups are glaring and, if you’re keeping your eyes open, you won’t be able to believe what survived the editing process. Watch out in particular for the front door. The actors will often need you to remind them to close it.

5. There’s no easy way to get through the many awkward sex scenes. My advice is to just be thankful that Wiseau didn’t get his way. He wanted them to be twice as long.

6. Beware falling spoons. It’s tradition in some theaters to hurl a handful of plastic spoons at the screen during several scenes because… well, you’ll see. You can bring spoons of your own or just wait for them to literally fall into your lap.

Consider yourself warned. If you go in prepared, you should have as much, maybe even more, fun than you would at a movie that you thought was actually good. I’ve never actually been to a Rocky Horror screening but this is a little like I imagine it to be.

Tomorrowland

11 Replies

I was expecting a lot more from Tomorrowland. Brad Bird has been involved in so many good movies in the past, all of which have had fantastical or futuristic elements. Damon Lindelof gave us an amazing first season of Lost (though it was downhill from there as the layers were peeled away). George Clooney is an A-lister who is super reliable and who usually picks his projects well. All the parts seemed to be here for a great movie, or at the very least an interesting one.

But instead of being something memorable, Tomorrowland is entirely forgettable. I really don’t understand how things went so wrong but for a movie about possibilities, there was a distinct lack of imagination or innovation involved in Tomorrowland. It is totally formulaic and by-the-numbers. Which doesn’t make it a bad movie, and it’s not a bad movie, but it left me feeling that an opportunity was missed here.

Going in, I thought the premise was solid one but the way it was handled left me not only wanting more but wanting something entirely different, something closer to what I thought this movie would be after having seen the trailer many, many times in the last six months. I don’t want to spoil things so I can’t really be more specific than to say that Tomorrowland was not at all what we saw in the trailer. And that would have been okay if handled differently but the end result here is that we only end up spending a very small amount of screen time in Tomorrowland when all is said and done, but the scenes of Tomorrowland in the trailer were what I wanted to see lots and lots of.

That’s why the way it played out was so disappointing. It left me feeling a lot like Lost did, now that I think about it.

Tomorrowland gets a rating of 6 child-sized jetpacks out of ten.

Sweet Escape with The Divergent Series: Insurgent

7 Replies

I rented Divergent when studying Movies Based on Young Adult Novels just a few weeks ago. There were enough dicks, assholes, and maniacal Kate Winslets that the movie managed to hold my attention from beginning to end just because I couldn’t wait to see them get what was coming to them but I can’t say it left me wanting more. I decided to check out the second part in the series not out of a need to find out what happens next but a yearning to return that magical place with alcohol and comfortable chairs.

Knowing about my quest to find the perfect drink for each movie, Jay suggested a virgin daiquiri to get me in the spirit of young adult fiction. Point well taken but we’re here to drink so as a compromise I settled on something called Sweet Escape, which combined vodka, pineapple and strawberry liqueur, and strawberry puree. I regretted getting two when I saw the waiter bringing them on a tray all to themselves. So tall. So orange. So embarrassing. I’ll admit that they were delicious but the sweet fruitiness got to me after awhile and, partway through my second one, I realized a little Sweet Escape goes a long way.

So it is with young adult fiction, especially when you’re no longer a young adult and say things like “twittering”. I got through Divergent without much trouble. The premise that in the future we will all be forced into five factions based on such uninspired personality types sounded like that of an eighth-grade English assignment but there were enough talented actors involved ( pretty much phoning it in in most cases but still) to make it more interesting than it really should have been. Quickly into the second installment though, I realized that a little Divergent goes a long way.

Insurgent gets off to a pretty good start. The sequel picks up shortly after Divergent left off so, knowing the drill already, we’re spared the usual voice-over exposition and get right into it right away. Tris, Four, Caleb, and Peter have been hiding out in the peace and love commune among the Amity faction, led by a well-cast but not well-utilized Octavia Spencer. The Amity commune is a fun setting and Tirs and Four’s harrowing escape when the evil Eric inevitably show up was well-exectued.

Soon, we’re thrown much deeper into Divergent mythology. Too deep for someone like me who rolled his eyes at the basic premise from the beginning. The film starts to shift its focus to the Factionless and Candor- factions we were only peripherally aware of in the first- and to a hidden message from the Founders that could change everything. All of this is unavoidable. What would be the point of creating this world if we’re not going to explore it? But soon after my sweet drink started to overwhelm me, shortly after the escape from Amity, I began to lose interest in this world.

Funny Games (1997)

7 Replies

Director Michael Hanake has an explanation for what makes his controversial 1997 film different from more recent torture porn movies but I’m not buying it.

Haneke was frustratingly vague in his comments during the DVD bonus features of the intentionally ambiguous Caché. Usually a fan of leaving his films open to interpretation, he was unusually forthcoming though on how he would like Funny Games to be interpreted. On the surface, the film tells the story of a home invasion where two surprisingly privileged and aritculate young men barge in on a married couple and their young son at their beautiful cottage and proceed to torment them both psychologically and physically for the rest of the movie. What’s strange is that, the longer this continues, the more clues we get that the two psychopaths are aware that they’re in a movie, especially when they look directly into the camera and wink at the audience. “Hey, don’t look at me. This has got nothing to do with me,” we’re meant to protest. Or does it? Are we, as an audience to such sadism, somehow complicit in it? The film has a habit of giving us lots of warning every time something awful is about to happen, giving us ample time to get out while we still can and Haneke the chance to ask haters “Why the hell did you stay til the end?”.

Horseshit. Shame on you Michael Haneke for shaming me for sitting through your movie and keeping faith that you were going somewhere with all this. Sure, i got the sense that Birdman was mocking me for appreciating it but at least that was funny, thought-provoking, and wasn’t nearly as gut-wrenching an experience. Commenting on sadism isn’t a good enough excuse to bring something so sadistic into the world and, as many critics have already pointed out, not without it’s hypocrisies.

While I resent Haneke for insinuating that he’s smarter than me, I may not buy that this is the anti-horror film that Haneke claims that it is. I see it more as a cinephile’s horror film filled with the director’s signature long takes, an excellent setup, and fantastic performances (especially by Susanne Lothar and Ulrich Mühe as the couple in peril). Today’s horror fans that are used to liberal use of gore and torture may find I’m overstating the depravity. In fact, almost every act of violence occurs offscreen. Taking advantage of the power of suggestion and anticipation is a lost art though and Michael Haneke has found it. Every act of cruelty in the movie begins with a long build up filled with clever wordplay. I was literally on the edge of my seat and feeling queasy throughout the entire experience of watching it.

Funny Games is a brilliantly executed and punishing work of suspense and is perfect for those looking for a perverse thrill. I just don’t buy that it’s anything more than that.