Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Our reviews and thoughts on the latest releases, classics, and nostalgic favourites. Things we loved, things we hated, and worst of all, things we were ambivalent about.

Cranberry Christmas

In a slight detour from the usual Hallmark formula, Dawn (Nikki DeLoach) and Gabe (Benjamin Ayres) are already married. In fact, they’re already separated. Well, they’re “taking some time apart” as Gabe stays on the cranberry farm , ensuring its proper management, and Dawn travels the world promoting their lifestyle brand and business, Cranberry Lane. Dawn returns home in time for the holidays to help out with the town’s annual Christmas festival, with a huge talk show host, Pamela (Marci T. House), in tow. She’s proposing to feature them on her show, a huge get for Cranberry Lane, obviously, but pretty awkward since the planned segments would focus on Dawn and Gabe as the perfect Christmas couple. They agree that for the business’ sake they will pose as a happy couple for as long as the TV show’s around, but nobody’s fooled into thinking it will be easy.

Honestly, it won’t be nearly as difficult as they think. There isn’t a lack of love between Dawn and Gabe, but their lives are taking them down different paths and they’ve been growing apart. Of course, acting like a cozy couple kind of gets their romantic juices flowing again. They’ve still got their issues but they seem willing to work on things – until Pamela throws a much bigger wrench into things. Their segments have gone so swimmingly (shall I say sleddingly since it’s Christmas?) that Pamela (think Oprah, she’s apparently that big) is offering them their own national TV show…which would require them to move to NYC, where it tapes. Gabe has recently poured more of himself into the farm, and bought more land, to expand. He’s committed at home, not interested in TV shows or moving. He’s actually ready to step away from Cranberry Lane altogether. Pamela is willing to take Dawn on her own, and it’s an amazing opportunity, and neither of them wants Gabe to stand in the way of her dreams.

Cranberry Christmas is refreshing for its variation on the Hallmark theme, and truly, the falling in love part is the easy part, isn’t it? It’s the staying in love that can be a challenge: growing together, sharing a life, making the compromises. Marriage is hard work, and this is a rare Hallmark romance that admits that love and commitment come with bumps in the road. Hallmark movies ask you to buy into a certain romantic fantasy, but a movie like this helps normalize the truth of real relationships. The beginning of a relationship is easy to get right; it’s the considerable territory between ‘I do’ and death parting you that really matters, and while it may not be the passionate, feet-sweeping good times of the falling in love part, the heart-warming, soul-expanding, truly knowing another person and relying on their steadfastness middle that makes love the most sought-after of things.

The Rooftop Christmas Tree

Up until yesterday, Sarah (Michelle Morgan) was a “big time,” “hot shot,” big city lawyer, but disillusioned by a legal but immoral (according to Sarah) eviction (at Christmas!), she quit her job, packed her bags, and returned home to Small Town, USA to start her own practice to avoid some of the law’s upsetting gray areas. Unfortunately it seems small towns have injustice as well; on her very first day, she encounters an arrogant line-cutter named John (Stephen Huszar), exactly the kind of person she was hoping to never meet again when she fled the big city. The line cutting just infuriates her; clearly Sarah has a very strong sense of right and wrong, and she’s not afraid to speak her mind!

Small Town, USA is apparently a one-judge town, a judge that Sarah’s known since childhood, a judge who fed her an awful lot of tuna salad sandwiches apparently (unnecessary detail!), a judge who recognizes her return for what it really is: a need for that one client who will restore her faith in the system, and in humanity.

Conveniently, that one client just happens to live across the street from her parents. Mr. Landis has been erecting a Christmas tree on his rooftop since Sarah was nine. No one knows why and Mr. Landis (Tim Reid) won’t tell. Sarah always admired it as a child but new neighbours aren’t as keen. For the last several years, a complaint means the city will force Mr. Landis to remove the tree, or face Christmas day in jail. Every year he chooses jail. Sarah is of course outraged to hear this, but unsurprised when she shows up to represent him in court and finds Arrogant John prosecuting the case.

And yet still they’ll fall in love by the end of the movie. I guess women always think they can change a man. They can’t, of course, not in real life, not really. But is it romantic to try? Some would say Sarah needs higher standards, but she’s already looking down on everyone from her high horse, so I’m not sure that’s a workable solution. Nor does it solve Mr. Landis’ problem, in case anyone still cares. Not to worry: due to some really spiffy timing, there’s going to be a Christmas miracle.

The only interesting thing in this movie is during one scene near the end when a bunch of people are pitching in on a construction project, I pitied the actors as they were clearly working in actual winter conditions, with a wet snow falling and a cold wind blowing it in their faces while they pretended to be cheerful about frozen manual labour. The wet, windy snow felt so familiar I wondered whether it had been filmed in our neck of the woods, and wouldn’t you know it had! (You know you’re Canadian when you recognize snow.)

This movie is baffling but relatively inoffensive, so have at it, or don’t, it’s really no thermal lining off my mittens either way.

Christmas Homecoming

Amanda (Julie Benz), a widowed army wife, is facing her second Christmas alone and still can’t bring herself to decorate for the season during which she lost her husband. Now she’s on the verge of losing her job at the local history museum too, unless her brilliant fundraising plan can save the day – and honestly what are the chances of that happening, and with such a tight deadline?

Good thing she’s recently taken on a tenant, Master Sergeant Jim Mullins (Michael Shanks), who’ll be staying just long enough to heal his broken leg. For reasons unknown to us, Jim is a very big fan of Christmas and the first thing he does is string up lights around his shabby little apartment, after which he immediately begins wildly overstepping. Perhaps he’s unused to idle hands, but he starts playing Mr. Fix It around the house without Amanda’s permission or knowledge, even tinkering with a vintage motorcycle he knows belonged to Amanda’s dead husband, which should have rendered it not only off-limits and sacrosanct. This is the same woman, after all, who still can’t delete her late husband’s last voice mail or throw out even his ugliest bowling shirt.

Slowly but surely, the two begin to heal together – and yes, to even the playing field, Jim does have something more to heal than just his dumb leg. With broken hearts on the mend, love is perhaps not as impossible as it once seemed, but widows are a tough nut to crack. It is much harder to move on from a love that never ran its course, and it’s hard to be compared to a sainted man who died a hero. And yet Jim decides to make things even harder on them by re-enlisting. Sure the retention bonus allows for a grand gesture, but do you think Amanda wants to risk her heart in Afghanistan again?

Hallmark is no stranger to depictions of Christmas for the military family but this year have specifically partnered with the United Service Organizations (USO), the nation’s leading organization to serve the men and women in the U.S. military and their families. This partnership aims to raise awareness about the needs of the military community, honouring the service and sacrifice of the Armed Forces, bringing cheer to military families and encouraging the American public to express gratitude for our men and women in uniform.

Candy Cane Christmas

Phoebe (Beverley Mitchell) and childhood bff Laurie (Benedicte Belizaire) co-own the Seeing Green florist shop where they go all out at Christmas. Phoebe is very attached to tradition and so adverse to change that Laurie’s slightly different twist on Christmas decorations gives her anxiety. Worse still, Candy Cane Lane, a street in her neighbourhood famous for its well-lit homes, won’t be happening this year for the first time Phoebe can remember – or possibly ever again thanks to dwindling interest. Laurie sees this as an opportunity for Phoebe to step outside of her stifling comfort zone and encourages her to try new things in attempt to fill these new voids.

That’s how Phoebe meets (well, re-meets) Eric (Mark Ghanimé), a very handsome veterinarian whose only flaw is having closed himself off from love after a bad break-up. Seriously, piercing green eyes AND he likes dogs? Take me now!

But no. Settle down, folks. This is a very respectable Hallmark holiday movie we’re talking about, and Eric is a true gentleman whose only known hobby is hanging out in a retirement residence with his aunt (Sean recognized it as local: this film was shot right here in our backyard). Although Hallmark guarantees a happy ending and true love forever, it can’t make it too easy on you, or it wouldn’t achieve its 91 minute runtime. A series of misunderstandings will do the trick, and string us along until it’s time to kiss and commit. Ah, Hallmark, you traditional old fool.

Jingle Bell Bride

Jessica’s celebrity client not only has some pretty hefty demands for her upcoming wedding, she’s also a chronic mind-changer, and wouldn’t you know it, the famous singer is demanding a last-minute change to her bouquet, and wedding planner Jess (Julie Gonzalo) has no choice but to fly to a tiny and remote Alaskan community to track down the essential jingle bell blooms.

In fact, the town (population 112) of Tapeesa is in the midst of their Jingle Bell Festival, celebrating their rare and beautiful flower. With the high-profile wedding just days away, Jess needs her round-trip expedition to be flawlessly executed, and of course it is not. First there’s plane maintenance (the Tapeesa airport has just the one plane, and just the one flight out per day), and then there’s a storm (what, snow in Alaska? No wonder they’re flummoxed!), and long story short, while her boss freaks out back in the big city, Jessica is grounded in Alaska, with nothing to do but attend the festival and become its queen. Oh, and fall in love with her tour guide and flower hookup Matt (Ronnie Rowe), who teaches her the charms of extremely small town life, and how not to die in the extreme Alaskan cold.

But if love does manage to blossom like those dainty jingle bell blooms, what then? They live miles and worlds apart. Can love overcome a pretty common obstacle? I have faith that Hallmark with find a way.

Snowed-Inn Christmas

Jenna Hudson (Bethany Joy Lenz) and Kevin Jenner (Andrew Walker) both work for the same publication, and now they’re basically competing to see which one will keep their job come Christmas. They’ve both volunteered to fly to Aspen to cover luxury holiday chalets but wouldn’t you know it, a fierce snow storm forces them to land in Santa Claus, Indiana. Which, okay, I admit I’m skeptical that their plane would get diverted to small town Santa Claus, but sure, they’ve been diverted to a rinky dink tiny town that’s so unprepared for snow they’ll be snowed in for days.

Or should I say: snowed inn. Because of course the only place they can check in is a historic inn run by Carol and Christopher Winters.

Now, let’s remember that Jenna and Kevin have volunteered to be away on assignment over Christmas, even if this is now the wrong assignment. Neither is holiday-oriented, and they’ve done all they could to escape celebrations. Santa Claud, Indiana, is not much of an escape. It’s pretty in-your-face and down-your-throat about the whole Christmas thing, so now Jenna and Kevin have no choice but to pair up and write about this, their small town Christmas extravaganza, even though they’re holiday-averse and they’re polar opposites when it comes to work – Jenna organized and a little rigid, Kevin unprepared and winging it. Neither is impressed and yet we the savvy audience have a pretty good idea that they’ll soon be putting aside their petty differences to fall in love, with both the season, and each other.

What do you think, guys? Can the spirit of Christmas triumph over all, even their career ambitions? Even the not too tragic tragedies in their back stories? Even Jenna having failed to anticipate a Christmas ball and not packed an appropriate dress, thus borrowing one from an elderly woman who’s aesthetic can only be described as “Mrs. Claus chic?” Only a view will tell – or, you know, a pretty lazy guess.

Christmas Next Door

Eric (Jesse Metcalfe) is the worst kind of man, a dude bro who makes a living being a misogynist. He calls it “being a committed bachelor” and he writes and sells various propaganda endorsing his female-free lifestyle and teaching other men how and why to stay single too. His lavish home is open to weekly poker parties and football games, events none of his married friends’ wives would let them host on the regular. Nevertheless, his next book isn’t writing itself, and Eric isn’t exactly writing it either, and with the deadline looming (just after Christmas, of course) he’s got to come up with the next chapter of bachelorhood, and quick. His mom has other ideas. She’s been babysitting Eric’s niece and nephews but fakes sick in order to impel him to take over. With a couple of young kids running around his bachelor pad, he turns to the literal girl next door for help.

April (Fiona Gubelmann) is a kid-loving, Christmas-loving godsend, keeping the kids out of his hair, decorating with them, shopping and caroling and all of that holiday nonsense that bachelors can’t be bothered with and Eric in particular avoids because he believes himself to be Christmas-cursed.

April is almost a little too good at keeping the kids immersed in the holiday spirit; soon, even Eric is joining in. I’m not sure if his Christmas outlook is softening or his procrastination is just kicking into over-drive, but suddenly these disparate parties are acting like a very cozy family of four. It’s almost awkward when the kids’ parents actually return and grandma confesses her deception.

What do you think, guys? Do you think Eric will trade money for love? Eschew his cash cow brand and succumb to love and marriage and the end of bachelorhood forever? And do you think we, the audience, will forgive him even if he does? He’s not exactly your typical Hallmark love interest, he’s a skeevier sort that isn’t a trend in the right direction.

Christmas On My Mind

Lucy (Ashley Greene) is doing some last-minute rushing around when she suffers a little bump to the head and wakes up frantic that she’s late to her own wedding. A Salvation Army Santa expresses concern, but the wedding dress in her hand seems to corroborate a certain urgency. However, when she finally tracks down fiancé Zach (Andrew Walker), she learns that she’s got a gap where 2 years worth of memories should be. In those 2 years, she and Zach have broken up, and Lucy’s actually engaged to another man now. Awkward.

Especially because her doctor (Jackée Harry) suggests she stay in town in an attempt to recover her memory. She’s leaning on Zach quite heavily because he’s the last thing she remembers, and she has no memory at all of the new guy, who makes it easy for her to avoid him. Lucy and Zach fall back into old patterns easily; it’s clear they had a close relationship at one time, and Lucy is both crushed and mystified as to why things ended. Zach’s new girlfriend isn’t thrilled by this intrusion, but Zach’s family, who always liked Lucy, pretty much welcomes her back with open arms. There was a spot there waiting for her, and she just kind of steps right into it, a perfect fit.

What’s next for Zach and Lucy? Will our girl ever get her memory back? What kind of weird amnesia has she got, anyway? There’s only one way to find out. Oh, and whether you watch or not, do mind your footing when doing your own rushing around this year.

Let It Snow

Stephanie (Candace Cameron Bure) is a businesswoman devoted to her father’s empire with no time and no chill for Christmas sentiment. This year, however, her resolve will be tested as she’s sent to Snow Valley Lodge, a rustic retreat known for its elaborate Christmas traditions that her father will soon be buying up and overhauling into their next hot spot destination.

Brady (Jesse Hutch) is late to pick her up at the airport and she pretty much writes him off based on that. Brady is the son of the lodge’s current owners. He once thought he’d be the one taking over the lodge, but his father has always been adamant that things stay exactly as they have been for generations, which hasn’t exactly been all that sustainable of late. And while Stephanie’s dad (Alan Thicke) may have made some vague promises about keeping things as they are, he has absolutely no intention on honouring that at all. Stephanie’s there to start making recommendations, but she’s finding herself no longer immune to Christmas festivities. The lodge is winning her over – and so is Brady, who is more than just a tardy chauffeur, as it turns out.

What will she do? Embrace tradition and fight to keep the lodge as she found it? Recognize that her lack of Christmas spirit goes hand in hand with her absentee father? Earn his love by doing his bidding? Or throw in the towel and run an inn with her new husband Brady? And by golly, could the Leap Pad Ultra product placement get any bolder? If you watch, you will let me know, won’t you? 😉

A Kiss On Candy Cane Lane

This one you can rule out before learning anything more about it. It’s forgettable even among a lineup of nearly identical Lifetime and Hallmark and Harlequin holiday romances.

Jennifer (Jillian Murray) goes home for Christmas because her sister has cancer and could use the support. But while she’s there, she bumps into her old college sweetheart Mark (George Stults), who’s just as handsome as ever. But Mark hasn’t been waiting around for her – he moved on, got married, even had a baby. But once the baby came, the wife left, and now Mark’s raising his newborn daughter on his own, and the whole town can’t quit gossiping about it. A saint, they dub him, for merely doing the bare minimum. Anyway, between the cancer and the baby, this Christmas, shit gets real for Jennifer. It’s not what she was looking for – especially because she left behind a boyfriend – but will she succumb?

Honestly, this one’s worse than most. You can do better. In fact, you could close your eyes and reach about with a mere candy cane and probably accidentally poke something better than this. Watch that. Even if it’s your cat. Even if it’s your microwave. Watch anything else.