Gleason

Steve Gleason was an unlikely football star: too small to do what he did, he did it anyway, for the New Orleans Saints. It was the NFL that brought him to New Orleans but it was falling in love with a free-spirited local girl named Michel that kept him there beyond his retirement in 2008. They soon found themselves expecting a baby, which would be a happy occasion  except that about 6 weeks prior Steve was diagnosed with ALS.

ALS, or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, is a neurodegenerative disease where the nerve cells that control your muscles die. The brain can’t talk to muscles, leading to a loss of mobility, loss of speech and eventually the ability movie_headerto breathe. Everything is still right in your head though, so you’re still smart and alert and you see everything happening to you, helpless to do anything about it. There is no cure. It is fatal, and will likely be so within 2-5 years of diagnosis.

Within months, Steve is walking and talking with noticeable problems. As Michel’s belly grows with their baby inside, he starts keeping a video diary so that one day his unborn child may know him.

The documentary is bittersweet; the Gleason family experiences highs and lows, and no matter what we hear the clock ticking. As hard as it is for us to watch him deteriorate so quickly on film, to see that hardship mirrored on his wife, Michel’s, face, is just agony. Steve seems determined to share his struggle honestly, even when that means admitting that he’s trying to live up to this banner of ‘inspiration’ and ‘hero’ that the media has ascribed to him and not always knowing that means.

He does, however, establish the Gleason Foundation, which focuses on service and equipment. He felt that much of what ALS takes away, like speech and mobility, technology can give back. And while that’s true to an extent, it can’t quite account for everything: not time, not life. But the foundation gives him purpose, and he’s certainly in the position to bring awareness and to raise money for this disease.

It’s sucky to watch this movie. It’s hard. But as Steve himself says, it’s sad but it’s not all sad. And maybe it’s those moments of not-sad that we need to attend to: the hope, the faith, the optimism, the acceptance, and certainly the closeness and love of this family.  And as difficult as it is, it’s also an amazing piece of film. It’s raw and emotional and real. As a famous athlete and the face on a poster on many bedroom walls, many would have called him a hero. But giving a voice to those who have lost them? That’s heroic. His wife’s caregiving? That’s heroic. This film has the power to provoke the hero in all of us. I can’t recommend it enough.

 

 

 

The Christmas Card

A well-meaning church lady sends a card overseas to “the troops” – and “Sarge” is touched by its generic rah-rah words of encouragement when he receives it in “Afghanistan.” The church lady, who is blonde and pretty in a buttoned-up, conservative way, sends a sexy picture along with it. Okay, no, she sends a picture of the church (just what every soldier is hoping to get!) but it really gets him through a tough time, when his buddy gets blown to bits on a Red Cross mission (it sounds like someone didn’t really do their war research, but that’s the least of the troubles: the effects budget is so non-existent that you could get a better display out of the fireworks that are leftover in your local corner store on July 5th)(no need to fear anything graphic – by “blown to bits” I mean he received a fatal bloody lip).

Anyway, when Sarge goes back stateside to deliver dog tags and hugs to the grieving widow (who is not an actual widow), he can’t help but stop by this magical town with all the friendly, letter-writing people.

Meet cute: they both order a chicken salad sandwich on rye with extra crispy curly fries and hot chocolate with marshmallows. Dear baby Jesus. That’s not a meet-cute, that’s a meet-butt fugly.

Anyway: “good news” – everyone in town’s a church goer and he has no trouble getting escorted to the pictured church , has pew-mates lined up and everything. He’s welcomed by an old man played by Ed Asner, which, let’s face it, is the only reason I’m watching this thing. The old guy wastes no time (was it even 10 seconds?) before introducing his “somewhat attractive daughter, Faith” – who just happens to be the curly fry lady from the day before, who just happens to be the card-sender who inspired his trip in the first place!

Anyway, if you ever feel the need to combine a badly-acted, terribly-written cheeseball holiday movie with a flag-waving, hero-worshipping war and god movie that’s super light on war and pretty heavy-handed with god, well, I can’t imagine a more obnoxious combination than The Christmas Card.

 

Uncle Nick

Are you in the mood for a creepy Christmas movie? Not murderous abortion creepy, worse: lecherous\incestuous\underage creepy.

Nick’s brother has recently become a trophy husband. His rich wife is hosting Christmas dinner for her 2 kids, her new and improved (and needless to say younger, and useless) husband and Nick the alcoholic brother (Brian Posehn) is invited, against everyone’s better instincts, as well as Nick’s sister and her podcasting husband: a real blended-family Christmas. Nick’s sole goal, besides soaking in gin, is to fuck his new niece. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Set in the dumpster fire that is Cleveland Ohio (sorry Cleveland, it’s only sort of personal: mv5bmtu3mza4ntuymv5bml5banbnxkftztgwnjy0otaznze-_v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_the last time I visited it was for massive surgery, which naturally didn’t leave me with a fond impression), the Christmas festivities are twinned with a retelling of 10-cent beer night at an Indians game back in 1974. That’s a real baseball game where the drunken fans rioted and mayhem and nudity and violence broke out and the game had to be forfeited and abandoned: not a “traditional” Christmas pairing. It can’t have looked right even on paper but in practice it’s downright untenable.

I suppose this was meant to be a raunchy comedy, only someone left out all the comedy. We never truly know any of the quirky characters either, or how any of them consented to spending the holiday in such an insufferable way.

I can’t think of a single nice thing to say about this movie, so instead I’ll dig deep and say something nice about Cleveland: while you’re there, you can visit the house used in exterior shots of a monumentally better holiday movie called A Christmas Story. Watch it. Watch it again. Even if it’s the 20th time you’ve seen it (even if it’s the 20th time this year!) it’ll still be a better experience than even 5 minutes with slimy Uncle Nick.

 

Miss Sloane

miss-sloane-32016 Golden Globe nominee Jessica Chastain plays Elizabeth Sloane, a notorious Washington anti-regulation lobbyist taking on the biggest challenge of her career when she’s asked to help take on the powerful gun lobby.

It’s timely and potentially divisive subject matter that will surely be attacked in many online comment sections as Liberal Hollywood Elites trying to take your guns away. But, honestly, can’t we use a rational discussion on gun control right now?

Well, you won’t find any of that here. Neither Sloane nor her opponents are particularly interested in facts or rhetoric. They are masters of spin, manipulation, and trickery. Never mind guns or politics, this is really a movie about sleight of hand. It has more in common with movies about magicians, con artists, or thieves  than movies about politics.

Film Review Miss SloanAnd maybe this is supposed to be the point. The only problem is that and Miss Sloane (the movie) seems to love the thrill of the chase as much as it claims to be outraged by her methods. For awhile, this behind-the-scenes look at what it takes to pass a bill in Washington (or keep one from passing) is almost fascinating and thought-provoking but the endless double crosses and Sloane’s nearly superhuman foresight make it harder and harder to take any of this seriously.

Needless to say, Chastain is pretty much the best thing about the movie. Any insight miss-sloane-2we get into her character comes more from her performance than Jonathan Perera’s script. But even she occasionally fails to convince during some scenes where she seems to be acting more for the trailer than the actual film. I can only assume director John Madden is to blame for this given that Miss Sloane also showcases inexplicable overacting from the likes of Michael Stuhlbarg, Sam Waterston, and Mark Strong that I can’t believe made the final cut. You’d think  a director of a Best Picture winner (Shakespeare in Love but still) would have done a better job of reining them in.

Madden may have had trouble keeping control of his hammy cast but he still manages to make a watchable film. It is slickly edited and never boring. And I have to admit, its most outrageous twists are the best ones. It just feels like a bit of a missed opportunity.

Maybe I shouldn’t complain. I knew almost nothing about this movie going in and expected something serious and dry. I was anticipating a chore and got a preposterous guilty pleasure that I’m still trying to forgive myself for kind of liking.

 

 

Rogue One

k-2so-in-star-wars-rogue-oneRogue One is the movie the prequels should have been. It is fresh, entertaining, and necessary. Rogue One’s humour works for adults as well as five year olds (though any self-aware Star Wars fan must acknowledge that the gap there for us is not all that wide). Rogue One links to what we’ve seen before in a way that feels natural and rewards fans who are familiar with every scene of the original trilogy, and leads into the known end point of A New Hope without any trouble whatsoever.

Rogue One is also a movie that could never have been made under George Lucas’ watch. I do not even want to imagine how he would have approached this story, but tonally Rogue One is entirely different than all the movies that have come before, and better for it. This is not a classic adventure serial, it is a war movie with high stakes, and we quickly realize that the stakes are appropriately high considering the evil dictatorship that runs the galaxy is constructing a superweapon to crush its opponents once and for all.rogue-one-cast-photo-d23-1536x864-521514304075-1

At the same time, Rogue One gives us the funniest character of any Star Wars movie. Fittingly, it’s a robot. But where R2-D2 and BB-8 were funny in a sweet, childlike way, K2-SO is funny because he is an asshole. It’s fantastic and he is absolutely one of the best parts of this movie.

Felicity Jones is great as well as the leader of the motley crew trying to save the galaxy. Her team (and the movie as a whole) is refreshingly diverse. Though this welcome injection of diversity is, on a meta-level, unintentionally remiciscent of South Park’s Operation Human Shield, since the multi-ethnic team is the one on the suicide mission while the all-white crew from A New Hope is (or soon will be) galavanting around in the fastest, most indestructible ship in the galaxy.

Rogue One has some cheesy parts that took me out of the flow a bit, but Jay rightly pointed out that I should expect nothing different from a Star Wars film. The end result is a movie that orson-krennic_4c6477e2occasionally feels like an awkward mix of serious war movie and hopeful space odyssey, but only rarely did I have that feeling. It definitely did not ruin the movie for me and that Star Wars feel is an overwhelming positive overall (especially an amazing Darth Vader scene during the climax that shows us the power we always knew he had).

My only other complaint is the use of CG to add a few familiar faces to the film. I found it distracting and yet I also thought it was kind of a nice tribute to one of the great characters from A New Hope. Maybe we’re just not quite there on the FX front but we are incredibly close.

This is a worthy addition to the Star Wars universe. If you’re at all a fan you should see it, but if you’re at all a fan you probably already have! Rogue One gets a score of eight May the Force be With Yous out of ten.

 

 

Jason Bourne

I knew how this one would end before it began.  Screechy repeated musical notes and Matt Damon fading into a crowd after having eluded capture yet again.  I don’t even consider that a spoiler, which surely means this is a tired franchise overdue to be retired.  It makes me sad we’ve gotten to this point with Bourne when initially these movies felt like a revitalization of the secret agent genre.  Now, the James Bond franchise is the vibrant one and Bourne is the one that’s just regurgitating what has come before.

bourne-2

That’s the most damning criticism I can make.  Jason Bourne is point-by-point the exact same movie we’ve seen four times previously from this team.  This is not a case of a poorly executed movie or a badly acted one.  It’s far worse.  This is like if CCR’s John Fogerty had plagarized a song he wrote himself, only without any possibility of a similarly bizarre yet logical lawsuit on the horizon.  So there’s not even an intellectually appealing consequence to be found here.  Even if you liked the other movies I can’t recommend this one, because it offers absolutely nothing new.

The only interesting thing about this movie is to wonder whether Matt Damon looks more bored here or in The Great Wall (China’s latest attempt to break into the North American box office).  I’m not sure and I’m not at all looking forward to finding out.

Jason Bourne gets a score of don’t even bother out of ten.

Collateral Beauty

collateral-beauty-trailerWhile searching for Will Smith’s filmography, I was surprised to see the pleasure with which critics are tearing this movie apart. The reason I was looking for Smith’s info was to try to figure out whether Collateral Beauty is his best dramatic performance (and I quickly realized that since I haven’t seen Ali, I’m disqualified from weighing in on that topic). With that lead-in, it probably goes without saying that I again think it’s been too long since the critics were thrown a juicy morsel, they’re searching for anything to bite down on as a result, and Collateral Beauty has been flagged as an easy target.

Collateral Beauty is not a great movie by any means, but it’s very watchable for several reasons. First, Smith reminds us that he can hold his own against anyone, no matter how many Oscar nominations/wins they may have (his co-stars in Collateral Beauty, Edward Norton, Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren and Keira Knightly, have two Oscar wins and countless nominations between them – incidentally, how does Michael Pena not have any yet?). Smith is consistently the most interesting person on screen even though for a significant portion of the movie he doesn’t say a word.

Second, there’s something undeniably watchable as the movie tries to take aim at cliches, even when it does so by using other cliches. Perhaps it’s just that the cliches that bother me the most were the ones under attack. I can’t really say any more without spoiling some of the characters’ arcs, so if you want more of a rant on that point then feel free to request more details in the comments section.

Third, I found out early on that I was wrong about how the movie’s plot would play out in a major way, which almost never happens nowadays due to the sheer number of trailers foisted on me (especially when half of them have no qualms about spoiling the best parts of the movie they’re promoting). On a related note, seeing a movie in Hawaii earlier this week was sobering because I think they showed every trailer currently in rotation. I am sure Canadian theatres will soon follow suit and it’s already too much here! Just let me watch the movie I paid for already.

Since I’ve started complaining (it never takes too long), it seems like a good time to talk about negatives from Collateral Beauty, and there are some significant ones.  The bigggest problem is that Smith’s character’s supposed friends treat him in the worst way imaginable during the worst time of his life, and it seems we are supposed to forgive them for it. The film attempts to make it easier for us to do that but its method requires a major swerve by Smith’s character that came too quickly to feel natural, as well as a twist that seemed too convenient a fix.

That same convenient fix also transformed the tertiary characters’ motivations from awful to divine and again the turn felt too abrupt. While it made thematic sense and actually tied the movie together well, the execution was too rough to be satisfying (and it also gave rise to a new (/old) complaint about the trailer that I can’t discuss without getting into spoilers so again, comment if you’re curious to hear more of a rant on this point).

All in all, Collateral Beauty is worth a watch and is definitely not deserving of the hatred it’s receiving from critics. It’s quite decent and gets bonus points for making me choke up a few times (something that doesn’t happen very often). Sure, it’s cheating a bit by focusing on death and loss, but Collateral Beauty is intended as a tearjerker and wholeheartedly embraces its nature. Is that such a bad thing? I don’t think so.

Collateral Beauty knows what it is and delivers exactly what you’d expect. If you’re in the mood for a sob story then this is your horse. I think riding this teary pony wore Jay out, though, so be prepared if you’re a real cryer like Jay as opposed to a robot who occasionally feels sad (which is the category Jay has put me in and I’ve really got no valid argument against it – beep-boop).

Collateral Beauty gets a score of six teary-eyed robots out of ten.

Manchester by the Sea

I knew going into Manchester by the Sea that it was one of the most critically acclaimed American movies of the century so far but I was still somehow surprised by how blown away I was.

Kenneth Lonergan has made a fantastic film about family, grief, and how easy it is to push people away when we’re hurting. It’s one of 2016’s best films not because it has any particularly new ideas or innovative style but simply because it’s refreshingly honest.

Casey Affleck (believe the hype, he kills it in this) plays Lee Chandler, a reclusive janitor who returns to his hometown after the sudden death of his brother (played by Kyle Chandler). Lee is surprised to learn that he will need to be staying home a lot longer than he had planned when he discovers that his brother’s will has named him as the guardian of his teenage nephew (Lucas Hedges). Losing a brother and raising a grieving teenager is further complicated by the memories of unspeakable pain and tragedy that his hometown holds.

Manchester by the Sea isn’t always pleasant but, with its sense of dark humour, never feels like a chore. Lonergan is an expert at finding humour in the unlikeliest of situations without it ever feeling forced. Actually, nothing really feels forced. It’ll make you feel powerful emotions without resorting to sentimentality. Even its non-linear structure doesn’t feel like a gimmick.

And there’s not a bad performance to speak of. Affleck has never been better and his scenes with Hedges are priceless. 2016 Golden Globe nominee Michelle Williams makes great use of her limited screen time as Lee’s ex-wife in her emotionally rawest performances in years.

Go see it!

Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie

If you were a fan of the series, you’re going to be a fan of Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie because it’s an absolute hoot and a real tribute to the show. If you’ve never heard of it though, you’re kind of out of luck. Show creator\writer\star Jennifer Saunders isn’t looking for converts with her script, abfabshe’s simply paying tribute to those of us who will never get enough of Edina and Patsy.

The show wasn’t really “about” anything other than two fab women (well, fab in their own minds), PR reps Edina (Saunders) and Patsy (Joanna Lumley), who lived life in glorious, wondrous, oblivious excess. They worked little and spent lots, thinking mostly of themselves and the clothes they wore (mostly badly). Brand-obsessed and vain to their empty cores, I couldn’t help but love their ballsy hedonism. The show was vicarious fun and thanks to Saunders’s clever writing (not forgetting her brilliant partner, Dawn French), with frequent in-jokes and winks to the audience between scathing, cruel humour. The movie is very much like an expansion pack of a typical episode. This time Edina and Patsy fuck up on a world stage and for the first landscape-1455900130-colfertime they’re finding that perhaps being hounded by the paparazzi isn’t quite what they’d always hoped.

Saunders and Lumley have excellent chemistry (as they should – they’ve been playing these characters off and on since 1992) and just seeing them together makes me feel effervescent. Every familiar face was like unwrapping a sweet, and I couldn’t get enough. Saunders can still write a mean sting and by god can they both deliver. These comediennes are not to be underestimated: even their banal hijinks are riveting. There’s no new ground here and a movie feels a bit of a stretch, but these women truly are fabulous and I feel fortunate to still be able to bear witness to their acid. I would gladly spend my remaining years in a nursing home alongside them as long as we never ran out of champers, sweetie dahling.

Spider-Man: Homecoming Trailer

Arriving back from my birthday present (Hawaii trip), I received another gift in the form of a fantastic Spider-Man: Homecoming trailer.  The latest feature of Spider-Man’s costume (the webbing under his arms) is yet another throwback to the classic comics, much like the shape and movement of Spidey’s “eyes” that we saw in Captain America: Civil War.  I wished at the time that Civil War had been a Spider-Man movie and now I look to be getting exactly the movie I wished for.

It’s a welcome sign that Spider-Man is firmly established to be in high school by the movie’s title and trailer.  That gives another nod to the classic comics, the ones that firmly established Spider-Man’s defining characteristics, the ones that made him my favourite superhero of all time.  Like the facts that Peter is a bit of a loser at school, that he makes nervous quips to bad guys while making them look silly, and that he’s having problems with the cops right from the start.

Even better, it’s clear that this movie exists in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, not only from the bank robbers’ Avengers masks (to which Spidey’s response is perfect) but also from Tony Stark’s appearance in his two favourite suits (iron and wool).  Tony and Peter’s big brother-little brother relationship continues to fit the characters perfectly and I’m excited to see more of that dynamic (and see Peter teach Tony a thing or two, as when you get right down to it, Peter always finds a way to do the right thing, which is something Tony struggles with).

There are two other big Marvel releases in 2017: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (April 25) and Thor: Ragnarok (October 25).  After this trailer, Spider-Man: Homecoming is by far my most anticipated of the three, and I never thought that would be the case considering how much I loved the first Guardians of the Galaxy and that Taika Waititi, Thor 3’s director, is one of the most talented and underrated people in the movie business.  All in all, it seems 2017 will be a very good movie year for Sean (and a very bad one for Jay), and I’m expecting Spider-Man: Homecoming will be the source of a lot of that goodness.